Ask Me Out, it’s Not Rocket Science

jazzsooveritYou see the picture to the right? Yeah, that’s me and I took it the other day while lying down at the dance studio. I only had 3 hours of sleep within the past 30 hours and I was just so over it. Well apparently this picture doesn’t solemnly exemplify my sleepiness, but also it’s a great billboard for me saying “I’m so over it.” Over what you may ask. Well at this point I’m just kind of over this whole process of dating.

First off, let’s assess my dating life and how I’ve been approaching it. As a woman who enjoys having options and seeing whats out there, I don’t just limit myself to in-person “by chance” meetings. Why? Well, I am 6ft tall, which is considerably taller than the average woman and most of the men I tend to encounter at clubs and bars.

And even though I do get compliments and have met some decent-looking guys in person, not all of them 1.) like tall girls 2.) have a personality that I can mesh with 3.) are on the same page as me. So when taking things of that nature into consideration, I realize that online dating is a way to broaden my horizon and possibly meet guys who can are down with 1, 2, and 3.

But, as I expressed awhile back my rant on Okcupid, most of these guys online are just absurd! It’s like they just send out a dozen messages with a sentence or two, maybe even a desperate paragraph (I get these a lot) that might seem nice, but in actuality is just a ploy to reel you in, then let the douche-bagery begin. Oh and they truly know how to pull out the stops and be that complete asshole us women learn from watching Lifetime Movie Network.

Online Dating…Nah, More Like Hookup Central


I get it though. Online you can hide behind a mask, even be a catfish and play with people’s emotions. But what I really don’t get is this constant theme of men seeming like they want to actually make a connection, you exchange numbers after some decent conversation, and then when it comes to the idea of going on a simple real date, they flip the switch and turn into lazy imbeciles.

But I ask myself, is it even really about dating, finding a connection, and possibly falling in love? Or is everything as this point just about a good time getting some ass? I mean, yeah some girls give it up really easy, but men out there shouldn’t assume that when a girl say’s she wouldn’t mind going out, she means “going to your bed.” Skip dinner and the movie, come over and let’s F***. Really? SMH….and no wonder my generation has so many pregnancies and diseases. Thinking fast, wanting to hit, and forgetting to be safe. SMH, a sad reality…

With online dating sites transforming into a breeding (literally) ground for hookups, it seems as the a lot of “men” are even getting lazy at setting up a normal date. They just want to whole shebang, the pussy right then and there, no conversation or genuine connection necessary. And that my friends doesn’t fly in my book. No sir.

Duh, Sex is Good Great Awesome!

Let’s get something straight, yes sex is great, spectacular, and damn good. But, it’s even better when you’ve got this insanely bomb connection with someone that supersedes the superficial physical allure. I mean sure, I’m proud of my curves, my big butt, and my crazy long legs, and yes I show them off in a tasteful manner, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to ride any man that comes my way or sends me a message.

All I want is for you to ask me out. It’s simple. We can flirt, we can possibly hint around in a joking manner, but don’t try to attempt the idea of hooking up with me even before I’ve met you in person! Not only is that 1.) rude 2.) ridiculous 3.) creepy, but it’s down right 4.) desperate.

I’m Not Saying You Have To Court Me (Unless You Want To)🙂


I’m not asking for you to feel compelled to shower me with gifts and take me on all these big fancy dates. But if I met you online, we message back and forth, and exchange numbers, then please DON’T randomly text me asking me to come over, especially if we haven’t even been on a first date! Get some class about yourself, step up your game.

It’s not that difficult to ask a woman out on a date and it doesn’t have to cost a lot of money or be a waste of time. And I know that a beautiful woman like myself with a good head on my shoulder and a long list of accolades and ambitions, not to mention a quirky personality and love for action movies and video games, is truly worth spending time with…not just in the bedroom. But some guys are such assholes and ignorant that they don’t care for the emotional and personality connection, they just want that ass when they want it. That’s not cool.

An OkCupid Guy Pisses Me Off

It pisses me off. Which is why I wrote this long rant, because a few hours ago a guy from OkCupid tried to play some BS game with me and I just felt totally disrespected.

You can’t just go days without talking to me, then text me on monday saying “I’m thinking of coming to [my city] on Saturday.” Yes, he lives 35 minutes away from me, but I mean is that your lame ass way of asking me out? So I simply said, “Okay cool.” I didn’t care and just left it at that. Now mind you, that was Monday morning. Haven’t talked to the fella since then.

Well, at 10pm he hits me up saying with a “Wyd?” So I say just “Just chilling for the moment.” And then he writes back “Cool. I’m going to head up there right now.” Woah, slow your roll. First off, where the hell have you been? Haven’t talked to me all week and didn’t even text me back when I did text him Tuesday. You can’t just assume I want to see you, especially when you didn’t even follow up on making plans for a real date. Lazy. 

So since is like the fourth guy from OkCupid that has done this to me within the past two months, I decided to finally address it. Normally I just don’t text back or in response to guys texting me to “Come Over” after we only talked for a day or so, I say um can’t we grab coffee or go to dinner and get to know each other. Which usually results in them responding with some begging of it will be more fun to watch movies at their house and just come over. SMH. Desperate and creepy.

The Conversation

But I digress, I wrote the inconsiderate douche-bag back:

Me: Oh okay. Not tonight, should have let me known earlier this week you wanted to hang out.

Him: Lol…I told you I was going to go to [my city].

Me: That wasn’t a direct plan and you didn’t proceed to follow up thurs or even friday to let me know you had planned on actually going out. I have other plans. You can’t just hit me up last minute and assume I am free and want to see you. That’s not how it works. Take care.

End of story. You can’t just treat me a certain way, I‘m not down with being taken into consideration last-minute as if I have no plans and I’m so eager (and willing) to see you. It doesn’t work that way, but apparently to guys from OkCupid that’s how dating works. Met a girl, compliment her, be nice (at first,) get that number, text her, and then go in for the kill: get that ass right away, no dinner, movie, or coffee date need. SMH.

This hookup culture is just really not my scene. Call me a hopeless romantic or one for nostalgia, but I actually enjoy getting to know a man for his ideas, his personality, his laugh, his smile, his wisdom, and intellect, not just his dick.

Respect Yourself

At the end of the day, I’d rather be by myself, keep working on graduate school, better my career, and be the healthy and happy person that I want to be. I don’t want to subject myself to a long-line of men that don’t have any real plan for their dating life except to just keep knocking up random girls, passing on disgusting diseases, and treating women like they are toys you can pick up whenever you want.

And for women who allow themselves to be treated like that and make it acceptable, you are just making things worst for women out there who aren’t like that, but men assume they are just because they might have the looks, but be on a differential thinking level. Respect yourself.

Long story short, if our generation doesn’t get any better and stop this madness of just hooking up with strangers, we are going to keep creating (and lowering) the mental standards of our society. Learn to appreciate and value the intellect you have, and if you don’t have much of it, then cultivate it.

Ladies and gentlemen, I advise you to study, read, and find a passion in life aside from sticking your dick somewhere and splitting your legs wide open. I’m just saying, there is a lot more to life than hooking up, and once you do find someone you take the time to build a connection with, you’ll find a best friend, a confidant, and the best lover you’ll ever have.

I might not have found that yet, but I’m willing to keep my standards high, keep my self-respect, and wait for a mature man to step to me the right way.

Let’s start with coffee and go from there…

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