Have you ever felt like your minds just gone blank? I mean you’re trying really really hard to think about something, anything! Anything at all but it’s like your brains out of tune or something? What is that? I don’t like it. I’m not a fan. It’s like your mind doesn’t want to participate in it’s own existence. Like it found out who you were and promptly said, “I don’t like this guy. I’m not going to help him ever. Let him figure it out.” I don’t want to figure it out by myself mind! Help me out here. Even when trying to think of nonsense sometimes (I enjoy nonsense) even then my brain seems to want to participate in malfunction. Let’s not recall any words mind it’s not like I enjoy writing. Stupid brain with it’s smug superiority complex!
Do you ever wonder if there’s something else going on up there? Something out of your control that you have no say in? I mean not necessarily your subconscious, but what if there’s another dude in there? Just a mean, rude, lame, grumpy, unsatisfied dude who’s always trying his best to screw with you. He, or she depending on the gender of your negative mind demon, is probably that thing in your head that whispers you can’t do something that you really want to do, or says you’ll fail right when you’re about to partake in a trying task. He….she…it’s a real bastard and I think it’s real and I kind of hate him, or her, or they, or whatever. One of those! I hate it a lot. Have you ever realized you’re calling yourself an idiot, or a failure? That’s probably the ghost demon. I guarantee it’s the ghost demon. Negative mind ghost demon doesn’t respect you and I doubt Negative mind ghost demon’s ever liked you!
Of course this is all coming from a place of frustration. I also might be the only person that feels this way. I could be crazy, but if I’m crazy, it’s a lovable crazy and I’m okay with that. Maybe my mind just needs to be inspired. Maybe I should take some loose damaged electric wires out of the wall and put it against my skull! Granted I’d probably die. In fact I’ll most definitely not feel pleasant, but there’s an off chance that shock will give me the most divine, intricate, sublime inspiration a human being can conceive of!..also there’s a slight possibility, probably .001% chance I’ll get superpowers and save the world from something…probably the blue whale invasion. It’s going to happen. You think they’re just swimming around all willy nilly sucking up plankton. We’ll see the shock on your face when they cover the skies and start bombing the world. I bet you’ll be grateful I electrocuted my brain then!
In conclusion, stay in school. It helps.
Procrastination can be a pain in the you know what, especially when you wait to start a five page essay an hour before it’s due. I didn’t get to blog the other day (I was bummed about that,) and on top of that I had to work on this five page essay I kept avoiding. Luckily I just had to turn in a draft for my peers to review, so I was able to put something together and knock out what I’d say is a decent first draft. I would have worked on it last night, but for the past few nights I’ve been on the phone until the wee crack of dawn.
It has been quite some time since I’ve had some great conversations on the phone. Most of my close buddies are guys that I’ve known for a long time in person or online, but we still have this cool digital connection. Eh, it’s the world we live in now. You meet people online and form these amazing friendships/bonds that are via Skype, the phone, Facebook, and texting; the only thing missing is that in person contact. But I don’t discount someone or our connection just because we haven’t hung out in person. So the past few nights I’ve been on the phone catching up with a few different friends: a buddy I went to high school with and haven’t seen in 4 years, a friend I’ve known for less than a year and still haven’t met, and my awesome buddy who I’ve officially known for a year (as of last month) and still haven’t met (he lives in NYC, so hopefully when I’m in NY soon we will link up for sushi.)
With all these connections I have, not including people I know in person and have lost contact with for years, the same question always seems to come up: Do you ever stop liking someone? I had two of my buddies cracking up, because I personally prefer to describe liking someone as “likage.” It just sounds way more fun, cute, and innocent. Referring to liking someone as likage is my opinion is reminiscent of those old fashion “do you like me?” notes. I can only ever recall ever passing one of those notes to this boy I was head over heels for in middle school. He was this really cool Italian guy and we used to hang out all the time. We’d flirt, chat, and spend time just chillin out talking about life after middle school( dramatic, right?)
Long story short, I passed the note, and then we had to have a sit down. Apparently I wasn’t his type, but he enjoyed flirting with me and thought I was cute; just not he girl he wanted. So from that day on I stopped beating around the bush, and I began to let guys know straight up that I had likage for them. My blunt personality and direct thoughts have saved a lot of confusion when it comes to the often complicated musings of likage. But the one thing I always found interesting, which goes back to the conversation I had with a few of my buddies this past week, does likage ever end? Can you ever get to that point where you stop liking someone, even if you haven’t seen them in years?
When I posed this question to my three male friends, I got the same response but different expression due to their personalities. One of my friends said he’d never stop liking me or any other girl he felt was awesome, because likage doesn’t just stop even though you may not have seen them in 4 years and haven’t talked to them in over a year via some form of communication. I liked his answer because it was cool and it took me back to the days of high school how I had a crush on him. So I was happy with his answer, and then the next day I was on the phone till 3am with another buddy of mine. We hadn’t talked in awhile and ended up getting on the conversation of dating. We joked about how we used to think we’d date, but then he said he still believes that one day we will be together. My response was, “Yeah, but likage can end. What if I fall in love with someone else? I don’t think I’d have likage for you anymore.” Well, he disagreed. He feels as though you never stop liking someone, even if you move on, you still have a spot in your heart for them.
Talking to him did open up my eyes, but last night I had a great conversation with one of my favorite friends who lives in New York. We’ve had this really awesome connection for about a year now and we always end up talking about sushi, video games, art, music, dating, and so much more! Somewhere in the back of our minds we both wish that we’d be in the mindset to maybe be together one day, but the course of life right now isn’t quite heading in that path. Yet we did broach the subject of likage and if it ever ends. His belief is that you always like someone, and men usually in the back of their mind will wonder “what if?” Even if they fall in love with another woman and move on, somewhere in the back of their mind they will wonder what could have been. It doesn’t mean they aren’t happy or madly in love, it’s just a distant thought….
So, seriously, does likage every truly end? I mean if you have deep feelings/attraction for someone, does it just fade away? Even if you fall madly in love with someone else, I think some people will still always have those lingering thoughts of likage in the back of their mind. I know that there are some guys that I still have a spot for in my heart, even if it’s been downgraded from serious likage to level one like. No matter how distant I may become with guys I’ve truly had some type of likage feelings for, I will still always like them unless they totally just become a horrible person. But until I find that guy who can replace feelings of likage with love, I’m sure I will have those days where I just can’t get them off my mind. It’s like I’m constantly going through Facebook pushing the “like” button on those moments of “what if?”
Moon Boots – “Off My Mind” & “Off My Mind (Rogue Vogue Remix)”
©Jasmine McGee.ThinkSoul25. http://thinksoul25.com