The greatest thing about being 20 years old is the ability to admit I don’t know everything, and I’m still on a abstract exploration of life. Even though I can’t wait to be 21 and be able to finally enjoy all the great house music venues and legally order a drink, I still celebrate being young. I feel like I’m in this amazing place in life; a spot that needs to be cherished and not rushed. I’m in my last year of college and I’m so close to finally reaching that transition into working professional instead of struggling student. Everything I want to explore and see is just right around the corner.
I have a lot of things I plan on exploring and accomplishing and I’m loving the journey thus far. Even though a lot of people call me an “old soul,” it doesn’t mean I’m ready to just sit still, hunker down into a relationship, and start planning out what I will name my first kid. I mean, yes, I do have some names in mind, but I don’t plan on having any kids for a long time (another 5 years at minimum.) Throwing kids and the idea of marriage into the picture before 25 years old freaks me out! I enjoy the freedom of just casual dating, no pressure, and just being able to focus on me without crazy amounts of additional pressure.
Being young is that magical time in a human’s lifespan in which we find ourselves. It’s a moment in life where we get to have new experiences, new pains, new joys, new journeys, and even the unexpected magical encounters. I’m not saying it’s impossible to find true love when you’re young, but also young love can change like the wind. One day that person is your entire life, then the next day you graduate from college and decided to go after your dreams for a job in another city. Or perhaps, you grow apart from that person and aren’t the same when you met. There is nothing wrong with moving on; it’s expected.
That moving on and unrelenting freedom is kind of what makes the journey of mingling such a thrill. You never know what is going to happen or who you might meet, but there isn’t a great deal of pressure involved. Well, personally speaking, I just don’t put that pressure on it. I want that time to keep finding myself, going on dates with different men, and seeing where life takes me. With my continuous journey and dating (I mean I couldn’t imagine not going on dates, I love men) I do know that eventually I’ll meet a guy that will be the right one for me and I will be right for him. But I can’t just sit around and hope my dream man shows up on my doorstops; I’ve got to be realistic and have an active dating life, especially since I’m young, well-educated, and single. I always tell people not to worry about finding love and continue to journey; then when you do find a love, you might realize that you are still young, naive, and on a journey finding those in-betweens…
That last sentence I just mentioned comes from New Zealand band The Naked and Famous. They have this amazing song called “Young Blood” and it truly captures that vibe of being young and on a journey in love & life. I heard it while watching HGTV and seeing a commercial for a show I watch called Property Brothers. I first thought the song was by Passion Pit, but then I did a quick Google search and learned it was by NZ band The Naked and Famous. I’m not sure what it is about New Zealand, but they pump out a lot of cool music!
The band does have that Passion Pit vibe, but their song “Young Blood” is one that has a magical and uplifting message that truly explains young love. I been listening to this song on repeat and I think it can sum up a majority of my “love” experiences so far; it’s all a fun learning lesson that I can one day look back on and be thankful that all the paths eventually lead me to the true Mr. Right. But for now, I truly celebrate being young, single, no attachment, and anxious to zoom through my last year of college into a life filled with a career, bills, partying, traveling, and more dating!
The video is so beautiful!
©Jasmine McGee.ThinkSoul25. http://thinksoul25.com
Ah it’s a breezy and slightly rainy Friday evening. I’m not scrambling around trying to make Friday night plans, I’m not texting up a storm, and I’m not bored. I’m relaxing at home after a long day of writing and working out. For the past two weeks I’ve been running at this lake not too far from my house and I’ve been cycling every day in my room while I blast music and knock out 45 to 60mins on my fitness bike. Living in Denver for 3 years sure did give me a passion for fitness, so I love working out on a daily basis and being out doors.
When I’m not working out, I’m usually working on school work. Believe it or not, online classes are a lot more work than traditional class work. Since everything is done online, including discussions, I spent a lot of time communicating with other students via the forums, writing a lot of mini assignments, and then of course papers. I love writing papers though so that doesn’t bother me much. 10 page paper due tomorrow, no problem! I often wait till the last-minute but I end up getting an A on every paper, so no worries.
But school work doesn’t consume most of my time, a lot of my time is spent writing articles. If you’ve checked me out on Facebook and read my wall, then you know I write for www.hiphopextra.com and recently picked up another gig writing for a very cool Atlanta-based magazine on the topic of relationships (more information coming soon on). I’m not neccesarily giving relationship advice, but rather writing about things that are of interests to those single and those in relationships. Even though I’m single, I still have some interesting opinions concerning love, sex, and relationships, so be sure to stay on the look out for those articles.
I’m really content in life right now, including my single status. I absolutely love being single! I recently realized that I’m quite a busy young woman, barely have enough time in the day just to relax. Don’t get me wrong, I still go out on dates and meet people here and there, but I’m not looking for a serious commitment. I just turned 20 years old (young) and I am coming up on my last three semesters of college, including summer classes. I’m enjoying this time I have to produce quality articles, get in great shape, and continue becoming the best woman I can be.
I wouldn’t mind having a man in my life, but he would have to be the right one…and I mean just right. I can’t deal with anymore short men (sorry guys) but I’m 6ft tall and a man shorter than that isn’t my preference. I love tall men! I saw this cute white guy at Safeway earlier, he had to be at least 6’3”, man such eye candy! Haha, I’m just saying…I like a tall glass of water. So until a guy that is tall, but also ambitious, loving, well educated, and funny comes my way, then I’m riding solo. I’m living my life the way I want and doing things on my own.Whatever I want to do I can “Do It On My Own”. That is actually a song by Remady and Craig David, and it is on my workout playlist. I love running to that song! I start off every run blasting that song and getting lost in a world of my own.
I don’t really have much more to say, except I’m content in life right now and I’m in a healthy place. I’m single, willing to mingle but not stressing it. I’ve been in so many relationships and realized wow, I actually was happier when I was by myself. Yea they make me feel good and all that jazz, but it’s never been something I feel I can do without. I sacrifice so much stuff to be with someone and then realize I’m not feeling it like all that, it’s just cliche. I haven’t met that guy who can make me fall head over heels for his intellect, his body, and his personality. I’m sure once I graduate and expand my life I will maybe meet someone on my level. But until then, I’m content. I’m on my grind with school work, my articles are beginning to get recognition, and I’m happy being who I am. I’m so happy in life right now and it’s not because of some man, it’s because I learned to be by myself. I was always jumping from guy to guy trying to find happiness, when it was right in front of me the entire time….appreciating the beauty of who I am.
Like the song says, “I can do it on my own”. Even though he is talking about a breakup and moving on, the point still stands. You don’t always need someone to make you happy, find your own happiness. And oh I forgot to mention, Craig David is so sexy! I’m just saying….mmmhmmm lol
Remady & Craig David- Do it on my own
Monday morning classes came and went this week. I was exhausted from having a cool conversation on the phone the previous night and wasn’t looking forward to sitting through acting and scriptwriting. My ethnic studies class was canceled, so I walked off campus and headed to the Starbucks located not too far from my downtown campus. The tall white guy behind the counter was always in a chipper mood and you could tell he loved his job. I wondered if he was a musician on the side or a sultry poet. Whatever he did, you could tell that he had such a zest for life. I ordered my usual Caramel Macchiato, which is also my nickname that many guys have called me, along with giggles due to my childish giggle.
After my venti drink was given to me, I popped my Ipod ear buds back in my ear, put my hood over my newly dyed jet black hair (it brings out my features more, makes me edgier!), I sauntered out the door and headed to my literary studies class. I was forty minutes early, so I crawled up on a bench and began reading a ritzy black socialite novel by Angela Winters. I had forgot my Jerome Dickey book at home =(. The time flew by and the next thing I knew…I was nursing my Caramel Macchiato and talking with a girl in my class. We were discussing our plans for next semester and her decision to move back down south. I asked her how her boyfriend and her were handling the situation. She explained that he was moving to another western state for a new job, he was already established in his career, and she was till in the process of her undergraduate work. As I continued to sip my coffee, she was seemingly frustrated with the whole decision. I suggested they trying going long distance and she replied “We did that before, it didn’t work, that’s why I moved here….to be with him.”
She told me most likely they would break up, because she wanted the chance to still find herself. We got silent for a brief moment and she asked me if I had a boyfriend. I sat down my coffee, looked over at her, and basically said “Nah, I’m good.” The girl began laughing, I could tell that my sly remark had cheered her up. She checked her blackberry and saw it was her boyfriend calling. She shook her head and looked over at me “Yeah, don’t waste your time with it. It’s hard dating in college, especially when your young and still finding yourself. Girl your so lucky…I’m glad your good.” We laughed at the whole situation and our professor walked in the classroom to let us know that this was our final informal class session and we could leave if we wanted. I grabbed my coffee, put on some Tabi Bonney, and headed back towards campus.
That wasn’t the first time I replied with the simple yet explanatory phrase “nah, I’m good.” I see the hassle and stress that some of my friends my age 19-24 go through dealing with relationships and I’m so good…I don’t want it or need it. I enjoy the beautiful silence I have some nights and I don’t want to waste my time with someone I kind of like, but I could do without their presence in my life. A few weeks ago I began to feel the pressures of dating and relationships in my atmosphere.A lot of the girls and guys around me were falling in love, going on dates, getting pregnant, daydreaming about getting married, and dedicating a majority of their time to the idea and work of a relationship. Lives around me were becoming consumed with dedication and commitment, and I began to feel for a brief moment maybe I should give it a chance.
That brief moment came, watched a movie, used the bathroom, and drove off a cliff. I’m so good on the idea of having a man in my life right now. Don’t want it and to be honest don’t really need it. I never have a problem attracting men, all kind of men and some handsome ones at that, but after awhile I get irritated and bored. My time is precious and I don’t like to engage in havoc. Men can be such a bore and their platitudes burn out quickly. Women can be the same as well, that’s why sometimes I prefer to be alone in my creative sandbox.
I can be the life of the party, but I also enjoy beautiful solitude. Dealing with people can become quite exhausting after awhile, but I still manage to juggle back and forth depending upon my mood. Some people have amazing personalities and there are those with erroneous antics. I grew up having the “it” factor and perfected the skills necessary to truly be the “it” girl. Being bold and outgoing has nothing to do with looks, but having that confidence that can shake the ground. I walk with an edgy confidence and I dare haterz to say anything. I don’t too much care what anyone thinks, especially people who I don’t have a meaningful relationship with.
I love not having to worry about anyone else but my immediate family and a few extended family members. I barely talk to my friends on a daily basis, so I definitely don’t want to have to worry about talking to some guy every day. I’m not a relationship cynic or have some commitment phobia…I just enjoy my freedom and see no point in having a boyfriend anytime soon. It took me awhile to finally have the courage to admit my true feelings. For months, I kept battling with “I want someone to love me” and “Nah, I’m good…don’t want to be bothered”. Now I’m officially dedicated to the “Nah, I’m good” statement and not putting effort in entertaining any men.
But, oh no! As a woman, your not supposed to say such a dramatic statement. A woman is supposed to be thirsty for a knight and shining armor, a woman is supposed to do a career only because she can’t find a suitable man, a woman is supposed to aspire to be a housewife, a woman is supposed to find one guy, date him, and stick with him even if he doesn’t enjoy being monogamous. Oh please, that is such a double standard. So it’s okay for men to date around and not take commitment serious, but it’s not okay for a woman?
That’s the attitude that I’ve received from so many men that I have turned down. They always come back with the lame line “but why? your single, I’m single, so why not?” There are so many reasons why not, for starters I’m not interested in getting caught up in a clingy relationship when I’m four semesters away from graduating college and moving back to the DC Metropolitan. Secondly, your not the man of my dreams. I understand that everyone is in transition in their lives, but doesn’t mean I want to experience my transition with someone else. I go to school full time, live with my parents, working on a second book, help out with my brother’s career, and I do lots of other creative tasks on the side….I’m too busy to care about someone else’s problems.
I’ll admit, I can be a flirtatious and charming woman. I have a natural seductive high, easy flowing conversations, and I play video-games. To most men, I’m the perfect catch…but doesn’t mean I want to be caught. I don’t purposely make men fall for me, it just happens that way. I’m naturally a charming person to everyone I meet and I love complimenting people. I compliment men, and women. I don’t hate, if a female friend of mine truly looks beautiful in a dress that is aesthetically pleasing, I’m not going to hate on her and say “ugh you should change”. I’ll simply say “wow you look beautiful in that dress girl!”. Everyone can use a good picker upper compliment sometimes, especially with all the added pressure from media and magazines to be flawless.
My point is, I don’t do it on purpose, but that doesn’t mean I should receive attitude for my choices. If a man really cared about me as a person and didn’t want be to be their trophy piece, then they should respect my decision to focus on me. I’m not using this time to become a bitter and selfish black woman, but I’m using it to get my education, become healthier and fit, grow my hair back out, write my book and more books in the near future, and to become the overall best woman that I can be for Mr. Right in the future. None of the men I’ve met, and I’ve met a lot of men, have been what I’m looking for. Their hasn’t been that total spiritual connection, where I feel I need to commit to this person and can’t imagine not talking to them. Most of the men I’ve met have had some of the qualities I’ve sincerely wanted, but may have been to short, too skinny, off into a crazy occult (which I have met guys in occults), or simply have a clingy personality that turns me off.
I can’t stand clingy men. Eww….so gross! There’s this misconception that women are the ones that tend to be clingy…but uh huh, not the case at all! I’ve dated guys who were sweet, but annoyingly needy and clingy. It’s like I get the point, you care about me, but you don’t need to call me eight times a day to find out what I’m doing and say you miss me. A text would be fine, but not ever single hour…can’t stand that! Every woman is different, but I’m a woman who likes some distance. I don’t like long distance relationships much, but I mind distance in communication. It’s gets boring if we text all day long, I lose interest and begin to ignore text messages.
I just re-read the paragraph above, wow I really do enjoy being single. It’s not that I don’t like the idea of love, romance, having a family one day, having someone I see on a daily basis, I’m just not in the mood to have that anytime soon. People tend to bore me quickly, probably developed a short attention span from all the videogames I play. I literally can watch a movie and within the first five minutes, if it’s moving way to slow, I’ll simply say “I’m done. Lets watch something else.” I like to think it comes from my raw edgy East Coast upbringing, or its surely out of pure boredom of overdrawn introductions. Oh well, whatever the case may be…I get bored with guys after awhile. I have too much going on in my life to devote part of my brain to some guy I’ve known for a week and he’s already lurking around me. Don’t need it…don’t want it…nah, I’m good.
Years from now I’ll be sitting in an office at my job as a writer or pr specialist looking at this article. I’ll crack up laughing at my rant on men and make a lunch date with my charming boyfriend who works in DC with a career on the same level or higher as mine. We will have a beautiful lunch and make plans to go to jazz concert later in the evening. It will be a wonderful and magic moment, the spark I’ve been waiting for my entire life. But until that glorious moments comes…I’m good. I’m young, black, educated, single and quite content. I love focusing on me and enjoy the beautiful solitude that I have without the distractions of annoying clingy men that are too short or have a hairy birthmark on their cheek that they keep picking with (that actually happened on a date, so gross…it brushed my cheek when he tried to kiss me goodbye!). So next time someone asks me my thoughts on finding love, a relationship, and an acceptable but not great boyfriend….nah, I’m good….real good.
Just wanted to repost my mom’s book “Lord I Go To Church But Can’t Find A Man”. I finished reading it and must say it was a great, cute, funny, and real talk about that really gave some great advice. It didn’t just sit their and bash black women or bash black men, but addressed problems from both sides and offered realistic solutions. If your looking for a good book to read on these lovely fall evenings, then def check out “Lord I go to Church But can’t Find a Man”. You won’t be disappointed! More information below from the original posting.
Sidenote: If your wondering why I’m marketing this, it’s not just because she is my mom but I’ve actually been marketing people and doing websites, graphic design, album covers, social networking, etc for a lot of people. If you need a boost in your image or help getting your creative talent noticed, then hit me up! That’s what I’m studying in college and I’ve been doing it since I was in middle school! Eventually plan on having my on PR firm, so look for me in the near future!