Part 2 | Hello, Goodbye, Never: A Rant on Modern Dating

Read Part 1….

Our society functions off the principle of “hello, goodbye, never,” so I don’t see why these men get so terribly upset. When I say “hello,goodbye,never” I basically am referring to the concept of relationships not being long-term.

Connectivity has become diminished to short to term promises, instead of relationships that have longevity. Now, I don’t think all of our society is like that, but a majority of the young men and women I encounter are in tune with that mindset. So if these immature men I meet are just looking for something easy and a sex kitten, then they can easily go find a girl that fulfills their needs and doesn’t enrage them with intellectual conversation.

If it’s not for you, then it’s not for you. You meet someone, you attempt to accomplish whatever it is you are in search of, then you say goodbye, and then you move on. I used to try to treat every man I met like he was going to be the next man I fell in love with, but that wasn’t the case. Usually it was just one date, a few phone calls afterwards, and then we never spoke again. That’s how it’s done nowadays. No stress, no pressure, no expectations.

I’m not necessarily pleased with the way things operate, but it doesn’t mean I’m not also an advocate of the no expectation theory. I can’t expect every man to understand me and want to have a long-term relationship, but that doesn’t mean I just become a girl that is “easy” and just focused on making love faces. Being an easy slut isn’t cool, especially since I’m a woman that has morals, intellectual pursuits, and a personality that doesn’t allow me to objectify myself. I’m a Taurus; I’m too stubborn and confident to succumb to being just someone’s object of affection pleasure. My aggressive nature is better suit for intense romance that encompasses physical, mental, and spiritual.

Life and the journey of love are something I value. I’ve been through a lot of crappy men and dragged into ignorant conversations, but I still have this redeeming quality in me that allows me to believe in something great magically happening one day. I’ve been the side chick, finding out men are married or even have girlfriends, and feeling like a total blow in the face. And some of the situations I put myself in, I’m not perfect either. Yet, even with all the horrible things that have happened to me emotionally and physically, I still somehow believe there is a good man out there; I just can’t sit and try to pinpoint the day it will come true, or the type of guy that will become more than just a “hello,goodbye, never.”

What I mean is I don’t know when I’ll meet a man that is more than just some great conversation, a date, perhaps a kiss, a little foreplay, and then a goodbye, followed by never talking or hanging out again. There was a point and time in which I’d be highly disappointed or beat myself up over the lack of longevity in my interactions with men, but then I realized it wasn’t me, it’s the societal approach to dating. The pool of human emotions and interactions is more like an ocean, a massive body of water that can be rough, soothing, gentle, and even deadly, while still bringing forth life. The tides are always changing, but in the midst of all the change there is still a system at work that will bring forth meaningful existence.

Good men and good women still exist; it’s just that those of us in the dating “game” realize that we have to go through a lot of hell in order to find that meaningful connection. But it all makes sense, right? I mean, how can you truly appreciate the good if you’ve never experienced the bad? I’ve experienced a great deal of bad, but I’ve also run across some good. It may not have been the greatest batch of good, but it did have qualities that made me appreciate what I had in comparison to the prior horrors.

I’m not giving up on pursuit of a meaningful relationship, but I will say the journey has been interesting, downright comical at times. At least all my “hello,goodbye, never” encounters have been educational moments that I can one day look back upon and cherish. Life is hard, dating is hard, and being a human being is hard. But I know that as long as I’m growing from my experiences, the end result won’t be a waste of time. And sometimes, I’ve been that one to say “hello, goodbye, never.”

“You Are The One”

I haven’t been listening to a lot of soul music lately or R&B. That can probably be attributed to my single status and declaration of ultimate freedom with no strings attached, no pressure, and no drama. I love being single and just not worrying about a relationship, but that doesn’t mean I’m against dating and the possibility of a relationship. However, he would have to be something special for me to give up my single status and be exclusive. But I don’t even really like to think about it, I just take each day as it comes and treat the men I encounter as merely friendship; nothing more.

My declaration of being single and enjoying it usually doesn’t last long. I usually goes for a few months, and then I meet a guy that charms me with his witty personality and we end up going on dates with a high possibility of becoming more than casual friends. I’m pretty good at being in a relationship and I’m awesome at being single, it just all depends on the space I’m in. The space I’m in right now is absolutely loving being single, but that doesn’t mean I don’t toy with the idea of randomly meeting a handsome stranger that is no longer a distant stranger; rather a close friend, perhaps more…

I guess when people find someone that speaks to their heart on all levels, that person can maybe be classified as “the one.” Of course, I have no idea what that truly means. I’ve had guys I’ve been with and felt like they were the one, but then I realized I’m only 20 years old and not even sure what having a real career is like and living on my own in an apartment. I still have all this stuff I want to do, not to mention have fun going out, making new friends, and just traveling the world. I’ve had men that were “the one” for the moment, but I couldn’t picture them in my life beyond the stage I was in.

The one you fall in love with and grant them the title of “the one,”  should probably be a person that you can imagine spending the rest of your life with; even if you’re not sure if zombies will attack or if the world will end in 2012. However long you perceive your life will be, “the one” should be apart of that scenario. I’m sure it’s a beautiful thing finding that one person you cherish with all your heart and end up spending 10 or more years with. My parents have been married for 21 years, and for the first time last night my mom told me the best two things that ever happened in her life: realizing my dad was the one and holding my brother and I as babies in her arms.

Listening to her talk about realizing my dad was the one and the joy she felt holding us as babies made me slightly emotionally. It’s beautiful to imagine that someone actually can find a person on this earth they tolerate, cherish, and are madly in love with(not lust.) Hearing my mom talk truly inspired me not to give up on my journey of dating and figuring out what kind of man I like. I love being single and having freedom, but this freedom also means I have to keep journeying through the good & bad experiences in order to eventually find “the one.”

My hope in romance is probably why I love watching those old classic films on TCM. They always have a story about some man randomly meeting a woman and falling in love at first sight. One of the best ones I’ve seen is called “The Clock” and it’s a 1945 film starring Judy Garland and Robert Walker. The two meet at a busy train station and spend 48 hours together but Joe (Walker), a solider getting ready to return to war, falls in love with Alice(Garland) and they get married. It’s such a beautiful story and you can truly feel the meaning behind love at first sight. However, I’m not a big believer in love at first sight, but I do believe one day I’ll find that guy who makes me believe in everlasting love. But until that glorious day comes, I’ll keep being single and figuring out what I like through casual dating. That doesn’t mean I don’t daydream or fantasize about the day I do find that mind-blowing love, it just means that I’ve got a lot more soul searching and dating to do.

Here is my favorite scene from the 1945 classic “The Clock.” You can watch the film on YouTube; it’s broken into 8 parts. But in this part they lose each other in the train station and she doesn’t know his last name. This is clearly the time before cell phones. I couldn’t imagine meeting a charming stranger and not having a way of getting in touch. But the way this film portrays love at first sight is one of my favorites and it makes me a sucker for romance.It’s a very beautiful series of shots.

The Clock, 1945 [part 6 of 8] (Judy Garland)

Now, here is that soul music in which this post is titled after. But be sure to check out the rest of The Clock. It’s a great movie!

Deborah Bond – You Are The One

Anthony David -4Evermore” feat. Algebra & Phonte

©Jasmine McGee.ThinkSoul25. http://thinksoul25.com

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Romantic Escapism

The other day someone asked me if I was afraid of romantic commitment and I paused. The idea of fear being produced by thoughts of commitment is something that sounds foreign to me. I’ve never been shy of relationships and commitment, it’s quite the opposite. Usually something happens in the midst of the relationship and we break up.

I will admit sometimes I do find myself escaping a relationship when I feel it’s not going anywhere, but that doesn’t mean I’m afraid of commitment. The topic of escaping the harsh realities of romance is something I’ve always found intriguing. Is it possible to mentally block out the frustration and have a fairy tale depiction of romance? Is there a such thing as a “great” relationship? I don’t think it’s possible to ever completly forget the ups and downs of a relationship. Escaping romance is a difficult task, especially when the memories are so alive in your heart and mind.

I may not miss any of my exes, but sometimes it’s hard to block out the good and bad of my previous relationships. The worst feeling in the world is when a relationship ends and you still have this lingering desire to be with that person. I’ve only ever felt that way slightly about one ex. When things fell apart and our relationship ended, I couldn’t help but create a fairytale picture in my head. I wanted to escape the pain that romance brought forth. I replaced the rejection and lack of communication with beautiful images of the times we spent together. Yet romantic escapism is only a temporary fix.

A person can be your sun and your moon. A person can complete every aspect of your life and you love them with all your heart, but when it’s over, it’s over. Things may come to an end, but you’ll often have this thought that you will never get over them. The opposite of escaping the harsh reality and the break up, is falling into a pattern of “romantic escapism.” The term actually comes from a period in the arts movement when the romantic artists, writers, and musicians would depict romance in very dramatic, erotic, and dream like matter.

A video that embodies that concept is a song by Above & Beyond called “Sun and Moon.” The song and video tell the story of a man who is reminiscing about the love of his life. The couple broke up and feels as though he can never get over her. The man (who looks like Barack Obama a little) begins dancing in a bar and getting lost within the music. In every dance move he finds this unrelenting freedom to express his emotions and come to terms with his previous romance. The video has these elements of romance and escapism, which make for a great song. I’m not a huge fan of trance type songs, but this song is one that caught my attention.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about romance and relationships. I’m not afraid of commitment but I also am guilty of romantic escapism, in the sense that I sometimes escape romance and I also paint a glorious picture of what a relationship should be. Sometimes it’s nice to sit back and daydream about a great relationship in which you connect with someone spiritually, emotionally, and physically. A relationship where that person just totally “gets you,” but that isn’t always the case. Nobody could ever really complete every single part of you, but that isn’t such a bad thing.

©Jasmine McGee

ThinkSoul25

http://thinksoul25.com