In moments of dire frustration with my current circumstances, I found myself craving an ounce (or even a pound) of stimulating conversation fueled by riveting unparalleled imagination. I’m not expecting anything of epic proportions (although that would make my day,) but when it comes to dating and interacting with men, I’d at least hope they’d be able to stimulate me, not just physically, but on a mental/personality level.
That doesn’t appear to be an outlandish request. Yet, as of late, with the exception of a select few, most of the men I’ve been encountering are so numb conversation wise. In the fashion of a robot, every word they seem to say it just another antiquated calculated response usually along the lines of an illusive “cool.” Which you’d hope could hold a deeper meaning, but it’s really just “cool, I don’t care about asking you a follow-up question.”
Follow-up questions don’t have to be the lines of a soap-opera or a masterpiece play, but I’d at least love to feel that our conversation is engaging. But oh no, it’s too much “work” to take a few seconds to create an orb of communication that is original, innovative, and shows that you at least give a damn what I’m saying. And when you don’t engage or seem to have life, then quite frankly, you’re beginning to bore me to death…or damn near close to it!
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a lot to handle. By no means am I the demanding woman that you have to wine and dine with the finer things of life; not my style. However, in order for a man to captivate me and actually give him the time of day, he has to hold my interest personality wise. Make me laugh, make me laugh so hard to the point in which my cute little giggle turns into a snort (yes, that happens on occasion.) Prick my senses with witty sarcasm and dark humour; truly, I don’t mind. And if the only music you like to listen to and talk about is commercial hip-hop, then don’t even think you’ll actually score a first date with me. As much as I love music (not just house, but many genres,) I get bored super quick when someone has a limited passion (or desire to explore) for a diverse selection of music.
Don’t get me wrong, I love dating, I love exploring the different types of personalities of men out there, but I’m really getting sick of being bored. It’s like they aren’t even trying anymore! Apparently showering me with recycled compliments, faulty promises, and temporary chivalry (until they hit and quit,) is the motivation of most of these men I encounter.
Oh, and in Los Angeles it was an atrocity. Each guy I met while living in LA (I’m now back in Greater Washington, DC metropolitan,) were wannabe players that wished they could get the model chicks and busty starlets, but they didn’t have the money nor the looks to be on that level. Yet, they stepped to me with the same cocky attitude, recycled game, and the motivation for doing one thing; hitting it and quitting it.
I can’t tell you how many times I met a guy and within the first conversation (online and in person,) he started not hinting, but blatantly talking about the things he wanted to do with me and how getting to know me involved hooking up…right away. WOW, unbelievable! And not only was it hard to believe, but the conversation became so repetitive and boring. Over and over again I was approached with the same tactics, and now I’m at the point where talking about sex and flirting is just boring.
Alright, I take that back…slightly. Talking about sex and flirting isn’t boring, but it has to be done with someone that actually likes me, knows me, and we’ve reached that level. Right off the back isn’t “reaching that level and getting to know me.” No, no, no. That isn’t how it’s done; not in my book!
If you want to truly get to know me, excitement on exhilarating epic levels, and blow my mind, then engage me with personality, culture (if you love house music, my heart is yours,) and humour. I’ll never be bored with that momentum of raw creative thoughts flowing in the conversation, and in the end you’ll probably have a better chance of getting close to me….
*UPDATED WITH RIGHT TRACK. HAD A MOMENT WHERE I FORGOT WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT* Been a long week!
When it comes to male vocals that know how to serenade a house beat to soulful unique perfection, I would be an idiot not to include Stee Downes in my list. First off, I been a huge fan of his voice ever since falling in love with the Lovebirds track “Want You in My Soul.” If you haven’t heard that song, then you need to go listen to it over and over again. Lovebirds are awesome.
So once you hear the voice of Stee Downes, you’ll understand why his new track with Mario Basanov — “Say What You Want” — is stuck in my head. From the first few pulsating moments you know that something good is right around the corner, and then Stee Downes comes in with this awesome chorus that has so much sass about people saying what they want about you, but you just don’t care.
The lyrics are simple, but the tone of Stee’s voice makes them even more powerful. And it is just such a good song that I can personally relate to. You know, the whole thing of trying to please someone and you do what you can, but they they say stupid stuff and you’re just like “dude, whatever, I don’t care.” Yeah, you know what I mean? Or maybe it’s just me…
I digress, so let’s just say that this song is awesome and you need to listen to it on repeat over and over again. Please, trust me on this, it’s a really really good song! I’ve heard it over and over in so many different podcasts and I just can’t get enough!
This is an assignment from my Scriptwriting class I took in sophomore year. I’ve never really had any close friends or friendships that have lasted a long time, and I surely haven’t had long-term relationships. So when it came to writing this assignment, the one person that came to my mind was a friend that really had a spirit for life. She died in a car accident while I was in Colorado and she was still in Maryland, but I always think of her and imagine what her life would have been like. She had so much pain and hurt, but she still had a joy for life. All she wanted was love…
JASMINE, 19, tall height for a female, brown skin with caramel undertones, short curly hair, outgoing demeanor with a raw outlook on life.
When I first met her, I realized that for a big girl she held no limitations to her life. Yeah, it’s true we both dated the same guy. She had him first…I had him second. Truth of the matter is, I had him last. So many times in life when you walk pass a wall and see graffiti sprayed with three desperate letters “RIP” you realize that this will become a part of your reality one day.
Lustful weekends. Drunk phone calls. Exaggerated lies in the face of a concerned mother. These were threads woven into the fabric of our friendship. She didn’t let her natural h cup earthquakes stop her from expressing her love for sports or fashion. All of her clothes were customed made. Price didn’t matter, her dad was VIP of a top pharmaceutical company and their estate on Masters Run was 15 houses in one. She clocked in at 6 feet tall and used her height on the volleyball court and on the streets with men.
Our friendship began on Myspace. All it took was one message, one text, one phone call, and a lunch date at Panera Bread. Next thing you know, before I even know it…we became best friends. It dawned on me that we had more in common than dating the same guy and being 6 feet tall. She loved to laugh. Melissa had a roaring laughter that could shake California. Her favorite comedian…was herself. After a long day at the mall looking for “hot” black guys, I would laugh at her excuses for why the guy’s didn’t want her.
She would explain to me the reasons black guys didn’t want to date her was because she was “just a white girl”. Every guy she pushed up on, ending up trying to get with me…and walking away empty handed. My mom always told me to never break the number one girl’s rule. Don’t date your best friend’s ex, but also never date their crush. I couldn’t diss my friend. I couldn’t let her beat herself up for being downgraded to “just a white girl”. Melissa was more than that. The color of her skin didn’t stop the love she donated. Melissa was a bubbly ray of sunshine, with the voice of Taylor Swift. Grown men would cry when Melissa would sing her song. All she wanted was to be loved.
I never really believed in the fairytales of love, until I met Melissa. For 2 years I watched her go through ultimate pain, rejection, pregnancy scares, on her knees in random bathrooms with random black men, 2 rape cases that resulted in restraining orders, 2 abortions, and spending Friday nights alone eating ice cream filled with tears. I wanted to grab a spoon and join her in eating Ben and Jerrys. I wanted to watch cliché romantic comedies and plan each of our wedding days in our minds.On plenty of occasions I wanted to disappear from her life…but her mother’s words tugged at my heart. “Don’t let anything happen to my Melissa. She needs a good person like you in her life. Please stay her friend” Her mother would beg for me to hang out with Melissa. To somehow deflect the pain and to create new memories that normal teen girl’s should experience. Going to the prom and passing drivers ed.
It took her forever to pass drivers ed. She failed the test 3 times. It took her meeting a guy off myspace, falling in love, and getting married for her to finally pass the test.
Life is like a wind that keeps blowing. The wind blew me to Colorado. The wind blew me to new friends. The wind blew me on a Sunday afternoon a year later to Melissa’s Facebook page. The wind blew me to tears when I saw all the RIP posts that stormed and rained on her wall. A friendship that began on Myspace…ended with a RIP on Facebook. Now the wind blows me to tell her story. My story.
This is a rant I began writing, but it ended up being extremely long. So I broke it up into two blog posts. Below are my candid thoughts on dating.
The art of being a pickup artist has become so antiquated. Well, actually, it’s hard to even say that’s its antiquated because in order for something to become outdated it must have held prior popularity and an sensation of being “current.” I don’t know about y’all, but I never thought being a pickup artist or using lines was “hip.”
There is nothing wrong with trying to attract someone or gain his or her attention, but having a methodical approach is just not a good look. It surely isn’t impressive when you know a guy is using lines, and had probably used that line on a ton of other women. Sometimes those tactics do work, but it’s usually on the woman that are, well…easy.
Not to be harsh, but some women girls are just superficial, slutty, and just dumb. They lack the appropriate cognitive functioning that makes them a well rounded individual, so when certain men approach them with lines they are actually flattered instead of cautious and aware of the game being played. And the women that may have a hint of intellect, but are driven by pure sluttyness know when a game is going on, but are looking forward to making love faces.
Men are more than just sexual gods to me, so I don’t partake in the game just for satisfaction. Men have personalities, emotions, characteristics, hearts, souls, and ambition that make them a man. I don’t like to treat them as if they are only good for satisfaction, yet sadly some men only focus on carnal achievements instead of tangible emotional connections. Those men realize I’m not easy, yet they have this glimmer of hope that perhaps I’ll be down for a “good” ride.
We live in such a sexually driven society, so I understand why it’s always a big factor when it comes to relating to one another. Yes, we are human beings and we have needs, but just because society and media put emphasis on sex, it doesn’t mean that every man or woman is just a sex machine waiting to be ravaged.
Perhaps I’m just a sucker for traditional romance, but I feel as though meaningful connections deserve to be made. When I say a meaningful connection, I mean a connection based on all levels: spiritually, physically, and mentally. A healthy relationship functions on all levels of interrelating, and when one area is lacking, the others are bound to eventually suffer in the end. You can’t bake a good cake without those imperative ingredients, so you shouldn’t form a relationship without those key pieces that make it taste divine.
I belief that passionate love and a meaningful connection begin with more than just a pickup line, which is why I can’t stand when men approach me with those lines. I’m not one of those easy chicks that lose their self-respect and feigns for male pleasure. I’m not out here hitting the clubs and the online dating market in search of a man to ravage me, yet delusional men think they actually have a shot.
Recently I actually had a man online send me a message using a line that was original, yet immediately signaled the making of a game ready to begin, all he needed was a referee. The message he sent me had said:
“Hey i would totally ravage you if I were ever given the opportunity to do so.. just saying”
I will give him some props for being original with his line. I mean that was clever, so I’m not going to knock him there. But like seriously, who say that’s in the initial message? It would have been slightly different if I had known him in real life or had messaged back and forth for a while, but this was the first message he had ever sent me.
Throughout all my adventures in online dating I’ve had a lot of hilarious messages, many which were degrading, some genuine conversations, and a collection of messages (like this one) that were out of pocket. I really didn’t know what to do with that one, so I wrote him back and said “Hahaha classic answer. Witty and humorous type of guy, that’s good.” I didn’t really have much to say and I was just kind of going along with it because I just wanted to see how ignorant this guy was.
He messaged me back and said “haha i know right. I should pencil you in for sometime this week ” Yeah, he just wanted sex. He even decided to hit me up in an IM and said, “Want to hook up and have sex?” I knew what he wanted from the get-go, but I just had to have a little fun and see if this guy was serious. Like it was a big joke to me, I was actually mocking him the entire time. So I wrote him and told him I wasn’t that type of woman, I prefer to take my time getting to know someone. I told him I only wrote him back because I thought it was hilarious and that he was a joke. End of story, never talked to him again.
The online dating scene does contain a few individuals like myself that are somewhat hopeful of making a legitimate connection, but a majority of the folks on these sites (men and women, even though I could sit here and just blame men) are looking for quick fixes and friends strangers with benefits. You can’t even really call a lot of the connections made friends, because in actuality everyone is just looking for something to satisfy their selfish needs.
True friendships and connections are possible to make online and in real life, but it’s rare. The dating scene in my generation has become so trendy. Everything is just for fun with no strings attached, except for perhaps a kid down the line, child support, and dreams that are crushed. Dating has just become reckless pickup lines that get recycled and cheap thrills that potentially lead to devastating consequences.
I often feel as though the days of meeting someone and forming a genuine connection have died, along with chivalry (that’s dead too, right?) I don’t mind an eternal death, but more like a death that has the potential to come back sort of like a zombie, except instead of craving human flesh, it’s an avant-garde zombie that craves love. That is an absurdly abstract comparison, but somehow it’s makes sense. In simpler terms, genuine connections are dying but that process of death can bring back new connections that are the same person, but a whole new persona.
Making those connections can be frustrating when you have to go through a whirlpool of individuals that are accustomed to other folks that have the same fake and self-seeking pleasure pursuit. When your surrounded by others that have that same mode of operation, it’s unnerving when an individual like myself steps into the picture.
I’ve always been the woman that is “different” from the other women that most men encounter, yet their tactics don’t impress me; that leads to unbearable frustration that makes them treat me like crap and attempt to break me down to their level. It’s such a childish approach to the reality that I’m not easy, yet these men still express their regret with ill temper.