Tag Archives: loving yourself

I Need to Love Me

I ran across this track last night and the lyrics have been ringing in my head. Kings of Tomorrow and April’s track “I Need to Love Me” is one of those house songs that conveys a lot of truth.The lyrics are honestly something I can relate to, there are those times in my life when I’ve had to start over and find my own path (especially after a relationship ends.)

If being an urban nomad has taught me anything, the most important thing I’ve come to realize is that you truly have to love yourself. A lot of people have come in and out of my life for brief seasons. I usually don’t stay in one place too long and after awhile the contact just sort of fads away. I can honestly say sometimes it’s on me, I just lose interest and stopping staying in touch. But there have been a lot of times in my life in which I’ve been rejected and forgotten about. One day we are the best friends and hanging out all the time, then slowly the person becomes distant and completely shuts me out of their life.

At first I used to take things so personal, but as a I matured, I realized that I can’t walk around letting people’s actions dictate my state of mind. Nowadays, I don’t take things personal and I don’t stress over making people have a long-term position in my life. I’m always on the move and with my busy schedule (some new things have been added to my schedule, I’ll blog about it later) I don’t have time to chase after people for friendship. I just focus on crafting my life into a collection of beautiful memories and not wasted regrets.

I’ve had a lot of people come in my life and cause me an immense amount of pain. Yet, I learned not to dwell on trying to strive for this “perfect” sense of what a true friend is and isn’t. People have faults and I understand that, but there is no sense in me having to persuade someone to like me. Whether you love me or dislike me, that doesn’t matter to me anymore. In the past few years, I’ve truly began to understand that I need to love myself.

The most eloquent quote of the song “I Need to Love Me,” is the line that says “I’m starting over, writing the next chapter of my life.” I feel as though everyday, whether I’m blogging or writing in my journal, I’m jotting down these precious guidelines and aspirations for the only life I have to live. My life is in the Lord’s hands, but it’s also mine to direct as well. As I continue to grow into the woman that I desire to be, I’m finding out my purpose and my personality is becoming even more set in stone.

I don’t live my life like an apology. Loving yourself shouldn’t been this burden that anticipates failure or even more rejection from outsiders. Whatever your passion is in life, do it. I find that when I do let the voices of other people crowd my thoughts, it all becomes a powerful terrifying yell of rage. Insecurity begins to sit in and fear attempts to be the guiding voice for my life. It’s moments like that when I feel lost in a maze of uncertainty. That feeling can be quite overwhelming.

But those moments are rare. I’ve become so confident in my personality that I’m usually not concerned with people’s opinions of me. My life may not make sense to others, but it’s my life. I love myself enough to know that I am a beautiful individual with a unique voice. All the things I’ve experienced have cultivated me into the house music junkie I am. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a house junkie, a geek, an artist, a writer, a tall light skin girl, and I’m not afraid to admit I grew up in the suburbs and have a huge disregard with taste for today’s hip-hop.

I love myself to the point where I don’t apologize for being an intellect and I don’t apologize for preferring to be single instead of wasting time with yet another man who just doesn’t get my personality. I love myself enough to know that I’d rather be alone for the time being than putting my trust in someone who thinks my obsession with house is annoying or perhaps another one of those guys who thinks it’s weird that I love reading so much and drool whenever I get a new book. Why bother trying to explain myself to someone who wants to be there, but not truly “be there” for me on all levels.

I need to love me and I don’t need anyone else who doesn’t have genuine intentions. I love being single and I do love being in a relationship as well, but I’m not going to compromise my sanity. If nobody else is going to love me for who I am, then loving myself is the best course of action. I do quite alright by myself, but I’m not giving up hope on the day when a man that actually reads books and doesn’t just listen to hip-hop, comes my way and makes an impressive endeavor to relate to me; that glorious day will be of astronomical proportions…

©Jasmine McGee

ThinkSoul25

http://thinksoul25.com

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The Reinvention

I was scrolling through my pictures earlier and ran across this photo to the right. That’s a picture of me attempting to look sexy cute at the age of 14. It was that time of life when I was growing out of the girl playing video games and realizing that I could attract men for my looks and personality; it’s not all about trying to impress guys with video game lingo. Yet, with that being said;I am and will always be a female gamer, but it’s time to sort of grow up.

I’ve reached that point where I’m beginning to realize that I have the body of a woman( especially since I’m losing weight, things are starting to look a lot more grown and sexy lol) and I need to rediscover my passion for fashion. Being a college student and focused on making sure everything is right so I can graduate in Spring 2012,I’ve neglected my desire to show off that grown and sexy side. I used to collect every issue of Vogue and dreamed of working in the fashion industry, but then I discovered my passion for writing about topics aside from fashion. I may have let that dream of working in the fashion industry go, but that doesn’t mean I can’t revamp my style and feel fabulous.

The more time I spend alone and not distracted by a relationship, I begin to realize that I’m still not the woman I want to be yet. I’m happy with my personality, my curvy body, and my pursuit of knowledge; but at times I feel as though I could be doing more in the looks department to bring out the best of my beauty and feel fabulous. I have good fashion sense and know what accentuates my curvy figure, but I need to upgrade my color palette and choices. Now more than ever is the best time to reinvent myself, because that gives me almost a year before I enter the professional workforce, get my own apartment, and begin my wonderful grown and sexy life.

The more I grow into the fabulous woman I want to be, I also know for a fact that I’ll attract the type of men I like. I’ve been slacking lately with my style and wearing clothes from last year of college (which are too big now,) the more I just throw outfits together, the more lame and sloppy guys I attract. They may be attractive from an aesthetic standpoint but their clothing swag needs a major upgrade. But the worst guys are the ones who have terrible style and don’t bother trying at all. At least my college clothes may not be grown and sexy, but they still are by all means cute outfits. But I don’t want to aim for cute at this point, I love that feeling of looking: gorgeous, fabulous, sexy, mature, classy, and looking like a beautiful woman.

This reinvention process I’m going through is ultimately a journey of self discovery. I’m discovering my passion for vibrant colors and accessories, while learning the type of men I find attractive and what turns me off style wise. Everything isn’t about looks, but dressing nice and looking fabulous can say a lot about someone’s personality, profession, self esteem, and their level of maturity. I’m growing out of the days of just wearing leggings and tunics to show of my figure. It’s time to step up my game and embrace my desire to wear pencil skirts, blouses, more lipstick (I wear it everyday, but want to play with different hues,) and heels. I’m always ashamed to wear heels because of the nagging complaints I hear from incompetent short men who make my height an issue. Well I’m at this point where I’m so over it; I’m going to wear heels and not be ashamed of my long legs and height.

I’m not going to be ashamed to explore being a beautiful and fabulous woman. There’s nothing wrong with taking a step back and realizing “Hey, I need to grow up.” I’ve already begun my transition into the professional world, yet until I graduate I still have that time to mold myself into a beautiful classy woman. Everyone woman and man at some point in their life realizes they need to upgrade their look. You get what you put out there, and if you’re dressing like you don’t care…then most likely you’re going to attract people that don’t take pride in their looks either. It’s about loving you and not being so caught up in a relationship, that you forget to work on you and become the best person you can be. Being single is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I’m so happy I’m taking this time to enjoy the journey.

Each day I’m blossoming into the mature woman I want to be and I find myself discovering the type of man I’d eventually like to get to know. I love a man that dresses nice and takes pride in his look. You don’t have to possess millionaire swag to get my attention, but you sure can’t be wearing Walmart t-shirts with South Park logos and overly baggy jeans each time I see you; that’s not going to cut it in my book. If you’re just getting to know someone you have to remember that first impressions count, don’t pull out the sloppy clothes until farther down the road. Even then, you shouldn’t just let yourself go and not care anymore because you’ve snagged the one. I care about how I look because I love looking and feeling gorgeous; if I happen to attract men in the process, then that’s just a perk of taking pride in my looks.

It’s not about trying to be the most flashy person out there based upon the images we see in media, but its about you loving yourself and being the best person you can be. This process of reinventing myself is honestly way overdue and it’s a journey of becoming the true person that has been hidden away for the past few years. I’m not changing my personality at all, but rather letting my clothes and accessories reflect the intimate details of my vibrant personality. Be yourself, be free, and take a chance on enhancing your true beauty. So to all the single girls and guys out there reading this blog, don’t forget to appreciate the time you have being single and becoming the person you want to be. If you take the time to find yourself, then you won’t have to worry about getting caught up in a relationship and forgetting who you are; your security and confidence will have had the time to grow prior to the relationship. So have fun, be fabulous, and never apologize for wanting to bring out the best in yourself.

©Jasmine McGee

ThinkSoul25

http://thinksoul25.com

Finding Me:Thoughts of the Urban Nomad

After lying on my bed for 10minutes staring at my PS3, 360, and Wii, I decided to resort to something productive, which explains why I’m now lying here writing on my blog. I’m still dismayed at the Playstation Network being offline, I mean it’s been 3 days already and still their hasn’t been a confirmed date in which it will be active again. I’m able to function without PSN, but it’s been fascinating reading all these blog posts about the outage and what to do while it’s offline. You’d think the world had ended or something, it’s upset a lot of gamers and those who use their PS3 for movies. I will admit, it has been frustrating not being able to play online with my friends, but it also sheds light on our societal dependence on online communications.

There are so many things that you can do online in our society today, even ordering groceries and having them delivered to your front door. Aside from online dating, there is also services you can hire online and offline that will actually dump that annoying person who’s death grip is clutching your soul. I’d rather break up with someone on my own, but eh some people aren’t skilled in the “raw truth” department. It’s never fun breaking someone’s heart or bursting their bubble, especially when they were more attached then you, but it’s life. Unless your marrying someone and plan on spending your life with them with no paperwork involved, then sooner or later you’ve got to move on to the next relationship.

Online communication is an element that I couldn’t imagine not having in my life, especially considering the fact I’m finishing my degree online due to relocating to the other side of the country. Moving around so much and meeting new people offline and online, I’ve learned a lot about who I am as a person. My 20th birthday is tomorrow and people are shocked I don’t have any major plans. For starters, my Blackberry just got cut off and won’t be back on till Friday. Secondly, turning 20 isn’t a big deal to me, but if I was turning 21 that would be different. I’d want to go to all the clubs that play pure house music and are strictly 21 and up, the clubs I haven’t been able to get into quite yet. I’d spend my birthday dancing the night away and getting lost in the sounds of pure house music. Swaying my voluptuous hips from left to right, and letting my laugh rip through the pulsating beats as I enjoyed being in the company of friends and other house junkies.Then I’d finish the night off with my favorite desert, cheesecake, and a few rounds of video games.

Ah that scenario above sounds like the perfect birthday in my opinion. I’ve learned over the years that I’m a simply complex person. There are so many basic things about me, that branch into deeper classifications and interests. For instance, I love video games, yet I hate playing sports games and prefer first person shooters. I enjoy bright colors, even the occasional bright yellow, except I hate the smell and taste of yellow bananas, they disgust me! Another simple thing about me is I love to read, but that can be broken down into many more complex categories. I love a book with a good story line and passion, but I’m not into reading Zane and other explicit authors. Erotic fiction is nice, but not my cup of tea…I’d rather of hints and pieces of romantic passion, not a full on freak’s come out a night session.

Over the years I’ve come to terms with who I am as a woman and realized there was something different about me. I’m artistic but I’m not running around with tattoos, eccentric clothing, and making a statement on purpose for people to realize I’m an artist. You can be an artist without being a walking canvas, it’s up to your discretion. I have a zest for the arts, yet my clothing style is casual laid back but also glamorous when I’m in the mood to have eyes on me (which I usually don’t care if people notice me or not). I’m always in my own world, even when I’m out and about. When I used to hang out with groups of girls (can’t stand doing that nowadays), the girls would always tell me this guy was looking, that guy is cute, he is trying to holla, etc. I noticed the men but I never paid it any mind, it’s not a big deal. If I was interested, I’d make the visible eye contact, but usually I’m so content in my own space I even forget why I came to the store.

I eventually want someone to love me for who I am, the shining star that never has a dull moment. My ambitions in life aren’t determined by the constraints of social approval, but they are fueled by the passions I’ve discovered in my alone time. When people often let me down with their false promises and foolish agenda’s, I get into my own space. A world where I’m happy writing, reading, playing video games, working out, and listening to house music. People always ask me what I’m into and I sit back, take a deep breathe, and prepare to tell them the script. “My name is Jazz. I’m a writer, an artist, a video game junkie, and I hate when a house songs ends and the room becomes silent.”

My personality isn’t an agenda filled with shallow concepts and goals. I’m not trying to be the next fabulous girl with a bold baller by my side. I’d prefer to be the classic Jasmine McGee, with a tall(prefer someone 6’1” and up) and strong man by my side, someone that can hold me close and tantalize me with intellectual doctrines. I don’t ask for a lot of things in a man, but height is something I’ve learned I can’t do without. While most women want a man that is built a certain way, has no kids, has a good job, nice car, certain amount of money, and is a pretty boy who can make her body feel insane, I only require that the man I’d date be tall and not height challenged (of course a nice smile and handsome face).  My dream man isn’t based upon delicate airbrushed pictures, but rather a reality. I want to fall in love with his brain before I fall in love with his body. Sounds weird to some, but it makes sense to me.

After everything I’ve been through with men and friendships with women, I’ve embraced the true beauty of who I am. My life may seem boring to some, but I enjoy the fact I have a life and I’m not in a cemetery. The cemetery is one of the richest places in the world because it’s filled with dreams that never had a chance to live…I don’t want to be another name on tombstone that lived a life filled with the voices of other people regarding what dreams are appropriate.

Life is too short to spend it trying to live up to the approval of people who don’t even know themselves. You have to learn how to be your own best friend and love yourself, before anyone else can come in and get to know the real you. There have only been a select few people outside my family who have ever attempted to get to know the real me, but once they realize I’m more than just a tall girl who knows how to make people laugh, they are caught off guard and abandon the mission. I don’t think people can ever really make you happy, unless you’ve already fulfilled a substantial amount of happiness within yourself that isn’t based upon the perception of the world.

I know who I am. I’m geeky,funny, bold, allergic to Penicillin,and a  house music junkie. Some days I wish I could be a superhero and some days I imagine that I’m in one of those 1930s classic movies, except instead of me being the house servant, I’m the fabulous leading lady wearing the gorgeous gowns and kissing the leading man who vows to kiss my soul and never let me go. Like I said, I’m simply complex. All I can do is be myself to the fullest and one day hope that I will find those select few people outside my family that can grasp the essence of my personality.

The day a man is able to have an intellectual conversation with me, pray together, and then watch Rocko’s Modern life for hours, followed by Always Sunny, and a round of video games…then I know I’ve found the man I’d be willing to commit to in a relationship.  Until that glorious day arrives, I’m going to continue my journey of loving myself and being the geeky yet artistic woman that my parent’s raised me to be. If being myself isn’t good enough for a world or some man’s opinion of what a dream woman is, then what else can I say? I’m just Jazz…