I ran across this track last night and the lyrics have been ringing in my head. Kings of Tomorrow and April’s track “I Need to Love Me” is one of those house songs that conveys a lot of truth.The lyrics are honestly something I can relate to, there are those times in my life when I’ve had to start over and find my own path (especially after a relationship ends.)
If being an urban nomad has taught me anything, the most important thing I’ve come to realize is that you truly have to love yourself. A lot of people have come in and out of my life for brief seasons. I usually don’t stay in one place too long and after awhile the contact just sort of fads away. I can honestly say sometimes it’s on me, I just lose interest and stopping staying in touch. But there have been a lot of times in my life in which I’ve been rejected and forgotten about. One day we are the best friends and hanging out all the time, then slowly the person becomes distant and completely shuts me out of their life.
At first I used to take things so personal, but as a I matured, I realized that I can’t walk around letting people’s actions dictate my state of mind. Nowadays, I don’t take things personal and I don’t stress over making people have a long-term position in my life. I’m always on the move and with my busy schedule (some new things have been added to my schedule, I’ll blog about it later) I don’t have time to chase after people for friendship. I just focus on crafting my life into a collection of beautiful memories and not wasted regrets.
I’ve had a lot of people come in my life and cause me an immense amount of pain. Yet, I learned not to dwell on trying to strive for this “perfect” sense of what a true friend is and isn’t. People have faults and I understand that, but there is no sense in me having to persuade someone to like me. Whether you love me or dislike me, that doesn’t matter to me anymore. In the past few years, I’ve truly began to understand that I need to love myself.
The most eloquent quote of the song “I Need to Love Me,” is the line that says “I’m starting over, writing the next chapter of my life.” I feel as though everyday, whether I’m blogging or writing in my journal, I’m jotting down these precious guidelines and aspirations for the only life I have to live. My life is in the Lord’s hands, but it’s also mine to direct as well. As I continue to grow into the woman that I desire to be, I’m finding out my purpose and my personality is becoming even more set in stone.
I don’t live my life like an apology. Loving yourself shouldn’t been this burden that anticipates failure or even more rejection from outsiders. Whatever your passion is in life, do it. I find that when I do let the voices of other people crowd my thoughts, it all becomes a powerful terrifying yell of rage. Insecurity begins to sit in and fear attempts to be the guiding voice for my life. It’s moments like that when I feel lost in a maze of uncertainty. That feeling can be quite overwhelming.
But those moments are rare. I’ve become so confident in my personality that I’m usually not concerned with people’s opinions of me. My life may not make sense to others, but it’s my life. I love myself enough to know that I am a beautiful individual with a unique voice. All the things I’ve experienced have cultivated me into the house music junkie I am. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a house junkie, a geek, an artist, a writer, a tall light skin girl, and I’m not afraid to admit I grew up in the suburbs and have a huge disregard with taste for today’s hip-hop.
I love myself to the point where I don’t apologize for being an intellect and I don’t apologize for preferring to be single instead of wasting time with yet another man who just doesn’t get my personality. I love myself enough to know that I’d rather be alone for the time being than putting my trust in someone who thinks my obsession with house is annoying or perhaps another one of those guys who thinks it’s weird that I love reading so much and drool whenever I get a new book. Why bother trying to explain myself to someone who wants to be there, but not truly “be there” for me on all levels.
I need to love me and I don’t need anyone else who doesn’t have genuine intentions. I love being single and I do love being in a relationship as well, but I’m not going to compromise my sanity. If nobody else is going to love me for who I am, then loving myself is the best course of action. I do quite alright by myself, but I’m not giving up hope on the day when a man that actually reads books and doesn’t just listen to hip-hop, comes my way and makes an impressive endeavor to relate to me; that glorious day will be of astronomical proportions…