I was scrolling through my pictures earlier and ran across this photo to the right. That’s a picture of me attempting to look
sexy cute at the age of 14. It was that time of life when I was growing out of the girl playing video games and realizing that I could attract men for my looks and personality; it’s not all about trying to impress guys with video game lingo. Yet, with that being said;I am and will always be a female gamer, but it’s time to sort of grow up.
I’ve reached that point where I’m beginning to realize that I have the body of a woman( especially since I’m losing weight, things are starting to look a lot more grown and sexy lol) and I need to rediscover my passion for fashion. Being a college student and focused on making sure everything is right so I can graduate in Spring 2012,I’ve neglected my desire to show off that grown and sexy side. I used to collect every issue of Vogue and dreamed of working in the fashion industry, but then I discovered my passion for writing about topics aside from fashion. I may have let that dream of working in the fashion industry go, but that doesn’t mean I can’t revamp my style and feel fabulous.
The more time I spend alone and not distracted by a relationship, I begin to realize that I’m still not the woman I want to be yet. I’m happy with my personality, my curvy body, and my pursuit of knowledge; but at times I feel as though I could be doing more in the looks department to bring out the best of my beauty and feel fabulous. I have good fashion sense and know what accentuates my curvy figure, but I need to upgrade my color palette and choices. Now more than ever is the best time to reinvent myself, because that gives me almost a year before I enter the professional workforce, get my own apartment, and begin my wonderful grown and sexy life.
The more I grow into the fabulous woman I want to be, I also know for a fact that I’ll attract the type of men I like. I’ve been slacking lately with my style and wearing clothes from last year of college (which are too big now,) the more I just throw outfits together, the more lame and sloppy guys I attract. They may be attractive from an aesthetic standpoint but their
clothing swag needs a major upgrade. But the worst guys are the ones who have terrible style and don’t bother trying at all. At least my college clothes may not be grown and sexy, but they still are by all means cute outfits. But I don’t want to aim for cute at this point, I love that feeling of looking: gorgeous, fabulous, sexy, mature, classy, and looking like a beautiful woman.
This reinvention process I’m going through is ultimately a journey of self discovery. I’m discovering my passion for vibrant colors and accessories, while learning the type of men I find attractive and what turns me off style wise. Everything isn’t about looks, but dressing nice and looking fabulous can say a lot about someone’s personality, profession, self esteem, and their level of maturity. I’m growing out of the days of just wearing leggings and tunics to show of my figure. It’s time to step up my game and embrace my desire to wear pencil skirts, blouses, more lipstick (I wear it everyday, but want to play with different hues,) and heels. I’m always ashamed to wear heels because of the nagging complaints I hear from incompetent short men who make my height an issue. Well I’m at this point where I’m so over it; I’m going to wear heels and not be ashamed of my long legs and height.
I’m not going to be ashamed to explore being a beautiful and fabulous woman. There’s nothing wrong with taking a step back and realizing “Hey, I need to grow up.” I’ve already begun my transition into the professional world, yet until I graduate I still have that time to mold myself into a beautiful classy woman. Everyone woman and man at some point in their life realizes they need to upgrade their look. You get what you put out there, and if you’re dressing like you don’t care…then most likely you’re going to attract people that don’t take pride in their looks either. It’s about loving you and not being so caught up in a relationship, that you forget to work on you and become the best person you can be. Being single is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I’m so happy I’m taking this time to enjoy the journey.
Each day I’m blossoming into the mature woman I want to be and I find myself discovering the type of man I’d eventually like to get to know. I love a man that dresses nice and takes pride in his look. You don’t have to possess millionaire swag to get my attention, but you sure can’t be wearing Walmart t-shirts with South Park logos and overly baggy jeans each time I see you; that’s not going to cut it in my book. If you’re just getting to know someone you have to remember that first impressions count, don’t pull out the sloppy clothes until farther down the road. Even then, you shouldn’t just let yourself go and not care anymore because you’ve snagged the one. I care about how I look because I love looking and feeling gorgeous; if I happen to attract men in the process, then that’s just a perk of taking pride in my looks.
It’s not about trying to be the most flashy person out there based upon the images we see in media, but its about you loving yourself and being the best person you can be. This process of reinventing myself is honestly way overdue and it’s a journey of becoming the true person that has been hidden away for the past few years. I’m not changing my personality at all, but rather letting my clothes and accessories reflect the intimate details of my vibrant personality. Be yourself, be free, and take a chance on enhancing your true beauty. So to all the single girls and guys out there reading this blog, don’t forget to appreciate the time you have being single and becoming the person you want to be. If you take the time to find yourself, then you won’t have to worry about getting caught up in a relationship and forgetting who you are; your security and confidence will have had the time to grow prior to the relationship. So have fun, be fabulous, and never apologize for wanting to bring out the best in yourself.
I know it’s been a few days since I’ve blogged. I’ve been finishing up my final projects for my classes and so far I’ve gotten an A in Business Writing and an A in Music Appreciation. It’s been a great semester and I’m ready for my two summer English classes to begin. It’s been a lot of fun being in school but I’m anxious to graduate, just have to get through summer, fall, then I’ll be out in Spring 12′.
I try not to think about school too much and focus on the more important things at the moment. Such as LA Noire coming out on Tuesday, the PSN is finally back on, and so many great summer movies I have to see. I’m a huge 1940s(as well as 1930s) fanatic and enjoy that entire gangster noire theme. I love the way they talked during that time period and the effortless style. My style isn’t really 1940s but I do plan on buying some vintage pieces and having an artistic flair. I’ve been focusing really hard on becoming the woman I’ve always wanted to be and have devoted time to discovering my style.
Summer is a great time for me to mold myself into the appearance I want to broadcast to the world, especially since my hair is finally growing back out and I’m losing weight because I actually can focus on running and I’m not distracted by men. It’s interesting to see how a lot of the thick and fabulous divas have decided to shape up and take on a new appearance. Raven Symone, Jordin Sparks, Jill Scott, and Jennifer Hudson have all had these dramatic weight loss stories and they look wonderful! Now whether they did it all natural or had a little surgery, I’m not sure but it’s great they did something they believed in. There’s nothing wrong with being thick and fabulous, but after awhile you get tired of being the same size for years and never exploring what it feels like to be smaller.
The feeling of going into a store and finding your size right off the back or picking up a small shirt and being able to fit it, is a great feeling. I’m not quite there yet but I can wear a medium, it’s just I have very thick legs so it’s the hardest region for me to lose weight in, but I have all summer and fall to get the job done. Summer is a great time to find yourself and go through a transformation physically, spiritually, and mentally. It’s the time to find love or possibly a hot summer fling, a time to get in great shape, travel and see new places, and a time to see the summer blockbusters.
There are so many great movies coming out this summer and Thor and Priest already intensified the anticipation, especially with so many great previews. Thor was actually pretty good! The guy from Thor reminds me of the lead singer of Kings of Leon, except the guy from the movie is ten times hotter. That is one very attractive man if I may say so….mmhmm. But I digress, Thor was a good movie and Priest was good as well, but I’m looking forward to Green Lantern, Transformers:The Dark Moon, Captain America, The Hangover II, and X-Men First Class. I’m a huge fan of mutants and superheroes, some days I wish I had powers…that would be um…very cool!
Even though that’s very impossible(unless scientist aren’t telling us something) and I’d never pretend to be a real life superhero like those guys in Seattle, I do however love Marvel and DC comics. It’s hard for me to pick one because I love Green Lantern and I’m a huge fan of Iron Man and X-Men. But if someone forced me to chose, I’d probably say Marvel because of X-Men and all the very cool mutants. I’m really looking forward to X-Men First Class, Transformers, Hangover II, and Green Lantern, not to mention how attractive Ryan Reynolds and also Chris Evans from Captain America. What can I say, I’m down with the swirl. I would talk about about my opinion but I plan on writing an article about this for another site, so I will be sure to send you guys the link to it.
I’m so pumped up about all these great summer movies and I’m happy the Playstation Network is back on. I’m going to get off of here and work on my book for awhile, then spend the night playing Ps3. I can’t wait to get LA Noire and play it all week, every day, all day, I’m going to be such a fiend! Games and movies are the best things ever created! I’m so excited about the great movies coming out and I gladly admit that I’m a geek. I go on these rants in conversation about video games and superhero movies, not to mention my passion for Always Sunny in Philly and house music. I’m a witty person and don’t always like to be so serious, it’s my personality and not some attempt to make people like me. I could care less if anyone liked me or my humor, I’m doing what I want because it makes me happy.
I can’t associate with men that don’t have a good sense of humor, it’s not fun always being so serious and trying to maintain this prestigious image. Turn off the serious button and attack life with laughter, you might even have to invest in a lightsaber but the battle can still be won. Stop being so serious, it’s not cool, especially if you’re trying to get to know me on a personal level. It’s an automatic turn off. It’s okay to laugh…geeze! So that’s a notice to any guys out there reading my blog and who have been getting to know me or want to know me, I can’t stand it when you’re always so serious and look at me like I’m weird when I have the outlandish jokes on simple scenarios. It’s my personality, I’m Jasmine McGee and you either love me or hate me. Geeze maybe I should date a comedian or a sarcastic geek, then there would be a happy median between intellect and humor. Hmm…just a thought.
Spring break has finally come to an end and reality must resurface. While people across the country were going on road trips, seeing family, getting wasted, having one night stands, getting engaged, and dropping pounds to get bikini ready, I was at home discovering my own euphoria.
I had originally made a bunch of plans but changed my mind last-minute and decided I didn’t want to be surrounded by a bunch of people who I barely cared about. I didn’t want to hang out with a bunch of "friends" and I didn’t want sit around engaging in foolish activities. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it would have been fun to go partying and feel like a kid again playing outside, but that isn’t where I’m at right now. My happiness doesn’t come from people, especially not men. I’ve dealt with a lot of so-called "men" and relationships have become a hobby in my eyes, not something I take serious. I haven’t crossed paths with a man I deem worthy of taking serious and I chose not to get emotionally attached to someone who doesn’t have my best interest.
I do date and I’m not saying I don’t need a man, but at this stage in my life (turning 20 next month) I think it’s ridiculous for me to take a relationship so serious. That’s why I don’t get upset when something bad happens in my dating life.It doesn’t phase me because I wasn’t really taking it serious anyways, so it doesn’t become a big deal.Not going to lie though, I’ve thrown that "love" word around because a man confesses his love for me and I think I feel the same (probably lust or loving the idea of him) so I respond with that terrifying word. I don’t think I’m the only person out there that feels this way and I know from a fact, especially by looking at mainstream popular culture.
In mainstream popular culture, relationships are either a fairytale or mind-blowing sexual escapades. This selfish attitude carries over into our perceptions of relationships and I’ve been impacted by this illness as well. You don’t want to be shallow and you seek to know someone for their heart and personality, but it’s so hard to find people who actually put their real selves on display. I know I’m not the only woman who has been the "sidechick" and been with a man who lies about his identity, has a girlfriend the entire time, is engaged, and his nephew who sometimes he refers to as a cousin because he can’t keep his lies straight, is actually his son and he has a whole another life but try to cover it up with various Facebook profiles. People try so hard to run game on each other, but I’ve been through it so many times and I know all the signs, so it’s not that hard for me to figure out.
Then they walk away from the situation and cut off all contact with you thinking it’s tearing you up emotionally, but in actuality you had been thinking of ways to dump them since the second week and only stayed in the relationship to get your satisfaction and didn’t get emotionally attached. Relationships are like a television channel to me, I watch it for a while and then turn to the next channel, occasionally turning back but that’s rare. I’ve had the chance to analyze how I approach relationships, taking into consideration I just got out of a relationship with a man who lied about his entire identity and I was the side chick.But I’m not mad at him all because I got what I needed and moved on. So it’s all good in my book, he wanted to be this big time player and didn’t take into account that I myself don’t take relationships too serious and always have a handful of men I’m talking to…men that perk my interest but could never capture my heart.
One day I’m sure I will find that man who captures my heart and makes me want to fully commit, but that hasn’t come my way so why worry about it now. There are some people who need a relationship to make them happy but in my case I don’t get happiness from a relationship. It usually ends up becoming this burden and I contemplate ways to dump them, while the entire time I’m trying to be a good girlfriend but don’t feel like putting in all the work. I’ve had this discussion with my guy friends and they say I have the mentality of a male, but I prefer to think I’m a quick thinker and I see the end result of a situation. I already know how the script is going to attempt to play out and I’m not in the mood to see a play, so I get out usually before the second month.
Looking back on a lot of the decisions I’ve made concerning men, I think it’s best to say I enjoy being single. I can do whatever I please and not worry about being out-of-town too long or what guy I’m grinding with on the dance floor. It doesn’t matter! Not saying every woman my age should be single and go around grinding up on every hot guy (I only dance with guys I find very attractive), but I’m saying it’s okay when everyone around you has these long-term relationships and you’re the single chick who has a new guy every other week, goes on some dates, and then either remains friends with them or never talks to them again.
I gladly accept the woman who I am and love being single! I don’t need this confirmation of a man to feel like I’m doing something with my life or to feel that I’m more of a woman because I have a man by my side. I’m not completely the woman I want to be yet and a man just doesn’t fulfill the empty space in my life. Emotionally, physically, and mentally a man doesn’t make me happy. I mean yes everything feels good( not just physically but knowing someone wants you or is pretending to care), but that doesn’t send me into a state of euphoria.
My discovery of euphoria doesn’t come from my interaction with men, but sitting down and having a conversation with myself. A man couldn’t complete me right now, because in order for me to feel whole as a woman there are some things that I need to do for myself. Being single gives me the time to focus on school and figure out where I’m heading within the next year. If I had a man( which I did for the past month and was annoyed) I’d be upset with his presence in my life and I’d want to live life not worrying about anyone else but my family and my well-being. It seems selfish, but eh it is what it is. I’m tired of trying to do what seems right in the eyes of everyone else. Everyone around me has relationships and I always feel this pressure like "wow, been single for 3 years, I should fix this and get a man in my life." Well I got into a relationship and now I’m out of it, and I’m over trying to search for something serious. I don’t want something serious right now.
There are so many things I wish I would have accomplished but because of so many distractions with men and getting sidetracked trying to fill this empty feeling with men, I’ve neglected things I wanted to take care of. For instance, I love being curvy and all but I miss being a size 6/7. I miss not worrying about muffin top or cellulite, I miss being able to find my size in mainstream stores and not having to order offline or go to a plus size section. I’ve been a solid size 14 for three years now and due to inconsistency, I haven’t dropped down back to my regular size. I mean it’s not like men don’t like my body, usually they love grabbing and slapping my booty, but I’m tired of being wanted just because of my booty and how I turn men on.
Being single for me is a healthy emotional state and I need to commit to this process. I want to finish school, I want to lose all this weight, and I want to graduate in spring 2012 and next summer begin my life living on my own and working a job somewhere as a writer. A man is just to big of a distraction and even if I did have a man, I honestly wouldn’t care about him at all. It would just be something to pass time with and make me feel good, then I’d dump him and move on. Why spend time chasing after men and letting them chase men, when I can use that time chasing my dreams and chase after imaginary designer dresses while running on the treadmill.
I’m a logical chick and it seems more logical to me to focus on something that will benefit me in the long run. I want to be the most fabulous woman I can be for myself and when that day comes years from now when I’m in mid twenties, I’ll be ready to be in a loving healthy relationship. A relationship where I’m not talking to other men, finding ways to break up, and a relationship that I’m emotionally attached to and not just getting my selfish pleasures fulfilled. Until that day comes, this single girl is going to devote her time to discovering a euphoria that doesn’t involve constant male attention. A euphoria where I’m completely satisfied with being single and living out my dreams without worrying about cheating, being gone to long, or having to commit to someone I could care less about, let alone know their favorite color. Why bother? I’m just going to end up hurting another man and not even being phased when they hurt me, because I expected it and didn’t care in the first place. I think it’s best to stay single and not create anymore casualties for other women wanting that serious romantic relationship in their early twenties. He’s all yours, I didn’t really want him in the first place anyways!
You Don’t Know Me by Armand Van Helden
Fuck You by Cee-Lo Green