Our society functions off the principle of “hello, goodbye, never,” so I don’t see why these men get so terribly upset. When I say “hello,goodbye,never” I basically am referring to the concept of relationships not being long-term.
Connectivity has become diminished to short to term promises, instead of relationships that have longevity. Now, I don’t think all of our society is like that, but a majority of the young men and women I encounter are in tune with that mindset. So if these immature men I meet are just looking for something easy and a sex kitten, then they can easily go find a girl that fulfills their needs and doesn’t enrage them with intellectual conversation.
If it’s not for you, then it’s not for you. You meet someone, you attempt to accomplish whatever it is you are in search of, then you say goodbye, and then you move on. I used to try to treat every man I met like he was going to be the next man I fell in love with, but that wasn’t the case. Usually it was just one date, a few phone calls afterwards, and then we never spoke again. That’s how it’s done nowadays. No stress, no pressure, no expectations.
I’m not necessarily pleased with the way things operate, but it doesn’t mean I’m not also an advocate of the no expectation theory. I can’t expect every man to understand me and want to have a long-term relationship, but that doesn’t mean I just become a girl that is “easy” and just focused on making love faces. Being an easy slut isn’t cool, especially since I’m a woman that has morals, intellectual pursuits, and a personality that doesn’t allow me to objectify myself. I’m a Taurus; I’m too stubborn and confident to succumb to being just someone’s object of affection pleasure. My aggressive nature is better suit for intense romance that encompasses physical, mental, and spiritual.
Life and the journey of love are something I value. I’ve been through a lot of crappy men and dragged into ignorant conversations, but I still have this redeeming quality in me that allows me to believe in something great magically happening one day. I’ve been the side chick, finding out men are married or even have girlfriends, and feeling like a total blow in the face. And some of the situations I put myself in, I’m not perfect either. Yet, even with all the horrible things that have happened to me emotionally and physically, I still somehow believe there is a good man out there; I just can’t sit and try to pinpoint the day it will come true, or the type of guy that will become more than just a “hello,goodbye, never.”
What I mean is I don’t know when I’ll meet a man that is more than just some great conversation, a date, perhaps a kiss, a little foreplay, and then a goodbye, followed by never talking or hanging out again. There was a point and time in which I’d be highly disappointed or beat myself up over the lack of longevity in my interactions with men, but then I realized it wasn’t me, it’s the societal approach to dating. The pool of human emotions and interactions is more like an ocean, a massive body of water that can be rough, soothing, gentle, and even deadly, while still bringing forth life. The tides are always changing, but in the midst of all the change there is still a system at work that will bring forth meaningful existence.
Good men and good women still exist; it’s just that those of us in the dating “game” realize that we have to go through a lot of hell in order to find that meaningful connection. But it all makes sense, right? I mean, how can you truly appreciate the good if you’ve never experienced the bad? I’ve experienced a great deal of bad, but I’ve also run across some good. It may not have been the greatest batch of good, but it did have qualities that made me appreciate what I had in comparison to the prior horrors.
I’m not giving up on pursuit of a meaningful relationship, but I will say the journey has been interesting, downright comical at times. At least all my “hello,goodbye, never” encounters have been educational moments that I can one day look back upon and cherish. Life is hard, dating is hard, and being a human being is hard. But I know that as long as I’m growing from my experiences, the end result won’t be a waste of time. And sometimes, I’ve been that one to say “hello, goodbye, never.”
A few days ago I had an interesting conversation with a guy I had chatted back and forth with. We had been messaging back and forth for awhile, so then we finally decided to have a phone conversation. The conversation covered the usual topics( name, age, interests, etc,) but he took it upon himself to ask me “Are you looking for a relationship or are you looking for love?” I hadn’t had someone pose the question in that fashion, so I told him “I’m looking for love. Well not looking, but open to the idea of letting it happen.”
It’s hard to say that I’m looking for love, because I’m not really looking. Of course I put myself in a position to meet new men and embark on a journey of friendship, connections, and perhaps provocative flirting here and there. But I can’t say that I’m on a hunt for love. I don’t think love should be something that you have to hunt for and be on the lookout with an open eye, yet rather it should be a natural progression of bonding. I suppose that bounding takes place in the form of a relationship, but according to that guy a relationship and love are two different things.
You can fall in love with someone without being in a relationship (friends do it all the time) but I understood what he was trying to say. It’s one thing to have a relationship just for the sake of it, however a relationship can simply be a status, whereas love can be a life-changing emotion, an abstract expression, and a state of euphoria. I think we’ve all as human beings have had some point in our life where we were in a relationship just because. It’s not like we were hoping to fall in love. Things went day by day. Things were said and done, but they might not have meant a great deal. Young & Foolish.
I’ve had some good relationships but I don’t think I’ve been madly in true love. But I’m young and still on a journey. Some people find their true love right off the back, and others have a lot of soul searching to do. As I grow to love myself I grow closer to the possibility of meeting someone that I’d want to give my love to. Wait…but what exactly is love? It seems like such an antiquated question, yet it’s apparently quite relevant. People around the world are still trying to fulfill this internal desire to bond with one person emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I think that even though a lot of people might enjoy dating around and having various physical partners (that’s not my thing,) they may be intrinsically searching for that one to eventually settle down with (marriage, long term commitment, etc.) This exploration of love and human connection is where The Love Project comes into the equation.
Have you heard about it? If you’re an avid Facebook user then you might have seen an advertisement on the sidebar: The Love Project Official Facebook Page At first I thought it was this charity for AIDS or some type of cause, but then I clicked on the ad and immediately fell in love with the concept. The Love Project is an online discussion/forum with videos, commentary, and advice on all things related to love. The goal is to bring everyone together in a positive environment using social media (videos, messaging, tweeting, etc) to discuss love, what love is, and an assortment of questions.
The page was first launched on December 1st and it’s already receiving quite the buzz. Relationships, dating, sex, and love are always going to be topics that people are going to discuss. It always seems to come up in conversations. Shoot, last night I was on the phone listening to someone express to me their discontent with insecure woman and the perils of trying to find a secure woman that is worthy of his love. I don’t really have issues or complaints of that nature when it comes to love. My thing is I just haven’t found that man who kisses my soul. A man who inspires me to crave him spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Just haven’t found that chemistry right now, so I’ve been single for almost a year.
I suppose I’m not on a journey to find a relationship, but I do desire love. A love that is unexpected, natural, and not forced. I can’t really sit here and say exactly what love is, but you know it when it majestically infuses into your life at the right time & place. Love isn’t a cute four letter word that little kids scribble in crayon, it should be a phantasmagorical heart pounding emotion. Now, that is a phantasmagoria of love….
The Love Project
For more thoughts on love, visit The Love Project’s website for videos on a variety of topics and answers from everyday people. You can even submit your own videos. Check it out!
©Jasmine McGee.ThinkSoul25. http://thinksoul25.com
Single, single, and hmm…single. For so many years I kept trying to fight being single and force myself to take on the responsibility of a relationship. I was ignoring my instinct to date around, I was settling for relationships with guys I didn’t really care about.
Now I find myself single and completely content. I remember seeing a Tweet on Twitter a few months ago and it absolutely explained what “single” is all about. “SINGLE is NOT a status. It’s a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.” Yet, many mistake being single for being completely alone with twenty cats and watching Lifetime True movie Thursdays. Being single isn’t this depressing status and it shouldn’t always be associated with a lack of good looks and horrible luck in attracting men (that’s definitely not an issue for me.) You can be single, confident, beautiful, living life to the fullest, and not some depressing loser.
Being single is this wonderful opportunity that I think men and women should cherish. Don’t try to force yourself into a relationship because all your friends are getting boo’d up. Say no to peer pressure! There is nothing wrong with being single and casually dating without any impending commitment. I love the feeling I get when I go on a date with a guy and at the end there is no expectation of planning or wedding and what part of the country we’d like to live in. That is too much pressure! There is no need to go on and on about the possibility of us having a future, I’m not sure if I want to finish the last twenty minutes of this date.
I miss the days when men knew how to casually date and not take things so serious. It seems every date I’ve gone on throughout this summer has ended up with men trying to snatch me up and make me their women by the end of the first date. The worst thing would be when they asked me on a second date and for an entire week straight they would call me, text me, and keep talking about how great our date was. Ugh, stop acting like a giddy little school girl!
There is nothing wrong with liking a person and finding them interesting, but don’t put so much pressure on it. I mean I can understand if perhaps you’re at that point in your life where you’re ready to settle down, but I’m not at that point. I’m so not ready to give my life to someone else. I’m ready to explore and see the world on my own before I get tied down to a guy who works at Radio Shack and expects me to motivate him to do more with his life. A man should take time to work on himself and be sure he has something solid to offer a woman. I’m taking this single time to finish my undergrad and go to graduate school next year. I’m motivated to do something, so I’m not going to sit their and babysit you with motivation. Figure it out before you try to walk me down the aisle.
After having one drink or going on one date, I don’t want to sit down and discuss our wedding plans. You’re wasting your time getting attached with nicknames such as baby, sweetie, my girl, and boo (I hate that nickname.) It’s not that I’m against a relationship and I have this ultimate goal to be single and fabulous at the age of 40, but I just like going with the flow when I’m dating. Just because we kiss or make-out in the heat of the moment, it truly doesn’t mean we are going to be together forever. If I show you a little bit of interest or listen to your stories, it doesn’t at all signal you to step into boo mode and get all lovey dovey/boo’d up with me.
Our generation seriously needs to calm down and stop rushing down the aisle. You have to make sure you can support a relationship physically, emotionally, and financially. I met so many men in Colorado and here in Maryland who want to hurry up and find that main chick. They basically give up on their dreams (if they even had any) and get all boo’d up with a woman that isn’t really doing much with her life either. They struggle super hard financially and never get back to school or a career beyond minimum wage. I’m not just siting judging from what I’ve heard, I personally know over 10 men who have had this happen to them. It’s ridiculous!
It’s so hard building a future with someone when you don’t have an economic plan set in place. Finances are one of the top reasons why relationships are affected. It’s hard to truly be all boo’d up and lovey/dovey when neither person is fulfilling their true potential as a human being. I’ve seen resentment set in and it’s not a pretty scenario. Rushing to marriage at such a young age is often impulsive and reckless. I’m personally not going to put my self in a situation where I decided to forget graduate school and focus all my attention on some guy who keeps thinking about going to school, but doesn’t even have a dream at all outside of education. You can be a successful person without education, but you have to seriously have a dream and commit to it.
I’ve been homeless before and I know that struggling isn’t any fun. I don’t want to rush into a union with a man and not be mentally and financially ready. I have dreams that I’d like to at least get into motion before someone puts a ring on my finger. I think I’d like to build with someone later down the line, but we both should have a solid foundation to work with. Yet so many men I encounter are so eager to rush into a relationship and get all boo’d up. They don’t think about the ramifications of their decisions and they don’t take into account the possibility they should focus on themselves before trying to get married.
I’m honestly really sick of men, who barely have their life together, trying to get with me and start a serious relationship with marriage in sight. I’d rather be alone and casually date without the pressure. When I’m ready to get serious, then I’ll take my dates more serious. But for now, I have no interest in getting boo’d up. There is no need for me to commit to you when I’m so focused on graduating, graduate school, and taking my career to the next level.
So this is my open letter to all the men out there who are eager to hurry up and get with a woman, calm down! You should honestly examine your life and see if you are even in the right mindset and situation to get into a relationship in hopes of getting married. It’s not about making sure you’ve got a baller wallet, but it’s about having the ability to sustain a relationship on various levels. Before you think about getting really attached to a woman, make sure you’re not just acting impulsive. Make sure you can provide for her, yourself, and are living out your dreams. Life is too short and your dream is just as important as hers.
Recently my grandfather passed away and he encouraged me, in the last few years of his life, to make sure I live my dream, get an education, and be the best that God wanted me to be. Maybe for some of you young men, you don’t have a father in your life and your trying to establish a family quickly in order to fix mistakes that were made in your life. My encouragement to you is to live your dream. Get training, education, and be the best man you can be for an honest future you want with a woman that will come in your life. How do you expect me to trust in you and take you serious, when you don’t even have a dream? I shouldn’t be the only one in a relationship working hard on my career and making my dreams come true, I’m not down for that. If that is what being boo’d up looks like for some of you men, then I want no part of it.
I may often have a hard time deciding on my favorite movie, but when it comes to deciding my favorite television shows; that is an answer that comes easy. My top two favorite television shows are Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Both of those shows and my obsession with them can be attributed to my personality. If you don’t find Always Sunny and Curb funny, then you probably won’t like me. I can sometimes be outlandish, neurotic, sassy, and often off in my own little eccentric world. Always Sunny in Philly satisfies my hunger for raw idiotic comedy and Curb is the perfect comedy choice for neurotic antics.
If you’ve been watching the 8th season of HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm, then you probably saw the third episode that aired on Sunday night. In the episode Larry as usual got himself into a series of social mishaps. Larry David is always finding a way to utterly piss off people and have an neurotic approach to social protocol. He doesn’t follow the rules and he doesn’t play nice, he’s a “social assassin.”
I had never heard the term “social assassin,” but I must say it’s awesome! A social assassin is someone (especially Larry David) who doesn’t take crap from anyone and isn’t afraid to knock down social protocols. Larry doesn’t care what people might think about him. If he has a problem with the minor details that makeup a social interaction, then he will bring attention to it. In the episode that aired on Sunday, Larry called Suzie out on the sound she makes after sipping a refreshing drink, he told this man’s wife to stop saying LOL in verbal conversation, and he got into some drama with Funkhouser.
Larry David is the perfect example of a “social assassin” and in some ways it’s not a bad thing. I often wonder if people are actually as abrasive and neurotic as Larry David, but it’s worse when you find yourself agreeing with his antics. A majority of the time I agree with Larry, he’s pretty, pretty good(if you watch Curb, then you know how that’s supposed to be read.)
The art of being a social assassin is precise. You have to be able to meticulously break down every moment in social interactions and call out the things that bother you. The premise of a social assassin, in the case of Larry David, is the question “Why?” Every moment in life is countered with a “why?” Larry often finds himself wondering why people act a certain way. He’s on a mission to call out people on their faults and those basic social interactions that are protocol to a normal human being, but an insult to Larry.
I wouldn’t want to be called a “social assassin,” yet Larry takes it as a compliment. I as well do find that people are usually taken aback and impressed by those who are bold in their approach to life. There have been plenty of times when people complimented me on my daring personality. I’m never afraid to say my mind, I just chose moments that I find worth bringing to attention. I’m not going to get pissed off and analyze why someone sips their drink a certain way. But I may get annoyed by their dull story and conversation that doesn’t have an end in sight. I’m far from being deemed a “social assassin.” My sassy personality and my instinctive nature to be sometimes socially and politically incorrect may be daring, but I leave the social assassinations up to Mr. Larry David.