Watching Max Lyazgin’s new music video “Happy Days” really makes me earn for the beaches of Southern California, but DC in the summer is still a beautiful experience (minus the beaches.) We might not have that sunshine and the glitz of Hollywood, but the internationals and the rich history, as well as the booming house scene, make DC a great summer experience.
To be honest, doubt I’ll be moving back to Los Angeles anytime soon, but it doesn’t mean I can’t get tropical and enjoy the beaches, palms, and happy vibes of Russian-based producer Max Lyazgin’s latest music video.
A “happy day” means something different to everyone, but I’m sure we can all agree that the tropical sounds and the relaxation of a frolicking on the beach can be the height of happiness. Guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.
For more tropical sounds, check out Max on soundcloud @ https://soundcloud.com/max_lyazgin
I absolutely love being single! My life is so carefree right now, all I have to worry about is me. I don’t have to put time or effort into a guy that I kind of like, but don’t find myself being totally into him. I’m just not in the mindset right now to get attached to anyone, it’s just not happening. Of course I’ve met some decent guys that are somewhat charming, but they aren’t impressive enough for me to actually consider giving up my single life. For the first time in a long time, I’m really content with my life; I am truly liberated and soaking up my freedom.
I have this new amazing fitness plan I start once I move in on Saturday and on top of fitness, I’m doing well in school and I have a writing gig that pays weekly. Life is good right now. The only way I can see myself putting a man into the equation is if he meets my criteria. 1.) Well educated 2.) funny 3.) ambitious 4.) spiritual and 5.) tall. You’d think that this would be easy to find, but a lot of guys that try talking to me either get super attached and clingy or they just continue to bore me with conversation about how nice I look and how much they like me. It’s like ugh, I get it, move on. No need to always talk about how I look and the same boring things. Can we please have a mature adult conversation beyond looks? How about we discuss art, politics, or even fitness.
Boring conversation is a major turn off to me, followed by immature attachment. It’s not even that I have commitment problems, because when I’m in a relationship I don’t mind hanging in there and making it work. The major issue is when guys I’m not really feeling like all that just want to jump the gun and get uber clingy. Not cool. That pushes me away, especially in the mindset I’m in right now.
Being single is such a liberating feeling. I’m in my last year of college, I’m finding myself, and a year from now I will be off having a whole new life. Once I get settled into life after college, living on my own, and working a normal 9 to 5, then I’ll be open to the idea of meeting other educated singles that are career driven and have a similar lifestyle. But for now, I’m not even thinking about becoming exclusive with anybody. Eh, no thank you.
I’m all for having male friends, but so many of them see that I’m a beautiful young educated woman and just want to make me their girl. Why can’t you just appreciate my worth and not trying to tie me down in a relationship? I won’t lie, in the past I’ve quickly jumped into relationships with guys that had everything I wanted, but that is the past. Right now I’m enjoying living my life, no strings attached, and making my dreams come true. I just don’t have any time for a commitment or attachment, especially with someone clingy. I just don’t want to be in a relationship right now and I definitely don’t want to seriously date. Dating should be fun, no pressure, just having a good time meeting new people.But the way things are right now, I’m so content with taking a break from going on dates and just enjoying being single and focusing on the things that matter most, my life.
Spring break has finally come to an end and reality must resurface. While people across the country were going on road trips, seeing family, getting wasted, having one night stands, getting engaged, and dropping pounds to get bikini ready, I was at home discovering my own euphoria.
I had originally made a bunch of plans but changed my mind last-minute and decided I didn’t want to be surrounded by a bunch of people who I barely cared about. I didn’t want to hang out with a bunch of "friends" and I didn’t want sit around engaging in foolish activities. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it would have been fun to go partying and feel like a kid again playing outside, but that isn’t where I’m at right now. My happiness doesn’t come from people, especially not men. I’ve dealt with a lot of so-called "men" and relationships have become a hobby in my eyes, not something I take serious. I haven’t crossed paths with a man I deem worthy of taking serious and I chose not to get emotionally attached to someone who doesn’t have my best interest.
I do date and I’m not saying I don’t need a man, but at this stage in my life (turning 20 next month) I think it’s ridiculous for me to take a relationship so serious. That’s why I don’t get upset when something bad happens in my dating life.It doesn’t phase me because I wasn’t really taking it serious anyways, so it doesn’t become a big deal.Not going to lie though, I’ve thrown that "love" word around because a man confesses his love for me and I think I feel the same (probably lust or loving the idea of him) so I respond with that terrifying word. I don’t think I’m the only person out there that feels this way and I know from a fact, especially by looking at mainstream popular culture.
In mainstream popular culture, relationships are either a fairytale or mind-blowing sexual escapades. This selfish attitude carries over into our perceptions of relationships and I’ve been impacted by this illness as well. You don’t want to be shallow and you seek to know someone for their heart and personality, but it’s so hard to find people who actually put their real selves on display. I know I’m not the only woman who has been the "sidechick" and been with a man who lies about his identity, has a girlfriend the entire time, is engaged, and his nephew who sometimes he refers to as a cousin because he can’t keep his lies straight, is actually his son and he has a whole another life but try to cover it up with various Facebook profiles. People try so hard to run game on each other, but I’ve been through it so many times and I know all the signs, so it’s not that hard for me to figure out.
Then they walk away from the situation and cut off all contact with you thinking it’s tearing you up emotionally, but in actuality you had been thinking of ways to dump them since the second week and only stayed in the relationship to get your satisfaction and didn’t get emotionally attached. Relationships are like a television channel to me, I watch it for a while and then turn to the next channel, occasionally turning back but that’s rare. I’ve had the chance to analyze how I approach relationships, taking into consideration I just got out of a relationship with a man who lied about his entire identity and I was the side chick.But I’m not mad at him all because I got what I needed and moved on. So it’s all good in my book, he wanted to be this big time player and didn’t take into account that I myself don’t take relationships too serious and always have a handful of men I’m talking to…men that perk my interest but could never capture my heart.
One day I’m sure I will find that man who captures my heart and makes me want to fully commit, but that hasn’t come my way so why worry about it now. There are some people who need a relationship to make them happy but in my case I don’t get happiness from a relationship. It usually ends up becoming this burden and I contemplate ways to dump them, while the entire time I’m trying to be a good girlfriend but don’t feel like putting in all the work. I’ve had this discussion with my guy friends and they say I have the mentality of a male, but I prefer to think I’m a quick thinker and I see the end result of a situation. I already know how the script is going to attempt to play out and I’m not in the mood to see a play, so I get out usually before the second month.
Looking back on a lot of the decisions I’ve made concerning men, I think it’s best to say I enjoy being single. I can do whatever I please and not worry about being out-of-town too long or what guy I’m grinding with on the dance floor. It doesn’t matter! Not saying every woman my age should be single and go around grinding up on every hot guy (I only dance with guys I find very attractive), but I’m saying it’s okay when everyone around you has these long-term relationships and you’re the single chick who has a new guy every other week, goes on some dates, and then either remains friends with them or never talks to them again.
I gladly accept the woman who I am and love being single! I don’t need this confirmation of a man to feel like I’m doing something with my life or to feel that I’m more of a woman because I have a man by my side. I’m not completely the woman I want to be yet and a man just doesn’t fulfill the empty space in my life. Emotionally, physically, and mentally a man doesn’t make me happy. I mean yes everything feels good( not just physically but knowing someone wants you or is pretending to care), but that doesn’t send me into a state of euphoria.
My discovery of euphoria doesn’t come from my interaction with men, but sitting down and having a conversation with myself. A man couldn’t complete me right now, because in order for me to feel whole as a woman there are some things that I need to do for myself. Being single gives me the time to focus on school and figure out where I’m heading within the next year. If I had a man( which I did for the past month and was annoyed) I’d be upset with his presence in my life and I’d want to live life not worrying about anyone else but my family and my well-being. It seems selfish, but eh it is what it is. I’m tired of trying to do what seems right in the eyes of everyone else. Everyone around me has relationships and I always feel this pressure like "wow, been single for 3 years, I should fix this and get a man in my life." Well I got into a relationship and now I’m out of it, and I’m over trying to search for something serious. I don’t want something serious right now.
There are so many things I wish I would have accomplished but because of so many distractions with men and getting sidetracked trying to fill this empty feeling with men, I’ve neglected things I wanted to take care of. For instance, I love being curvy and all but I miss being a size 6/7. I miss not worrying about muffin top or cellulite, I miss being able to find my size in mainstream stores and not having to order offline or go to a plus size section. I’ve been a solid size 14 for three years now and due to inconsistency, I haven’t dropped down back to my regular size. I mean it’s not like men don’t like my body, usually they love grabbing and slapping my booty, but I’m tired of being wanted just because of my booty and how I turn men on.
Being single for me is a healthy emotional state and I need to commit to this process. I want to finish school, I want to lose all this weight, and I want to graduate in spring 2012 and next summer begin my life living on my own and working a job somewhere as a writer. A man is just to big of a distraction and even if I did have a man, I honestly wouldn’t care about him at all. It would just be something to pass time with and make me feel good, then I’d dump him and move on. Why spend time chasing after men and letting them chase men, when I can use that time chasing my dreams and chase after imaginary designer dresses while running on the treadmill.
I’m a logical chick and it seems more logical to me to focus on something that will benefit me in the long run. I want to be the most fabulous woman I can be for myself and when that day comes years from now when I’m in mid twenties, I’ll be ready to be in a loving healthy relationship. A relationship where I’m not talking to other men, finding ways to break up, and a relationship that I’m emotionally attached to and not just getting my selfish pleasures fulfilled. Until that day comes, this single girl is going to devote her time to discovering a euphoria that doesn’t involve constant male attention. A euphoria where I’m completely satisfied with being single and living out my dreams without worrying about cheating, being gone to long, or having to commit to someone I could care less about, let alone know their favorite color. Why bother? I’m just going to end up hurting another man and not even being phased when they hurt me, because I expected it and didn’t care in the first place. I think it’s best to stay single and not create anymore casualties for other women wanting that serious romantic relationship in their early twenties. He’s all yours, I didn’t really want him in the first place anyways!
You Don’t Know Me by Armand Van Helden
Fuck You by Cee-Lo Green
Monday morning classes came and went this week. I was exhausted from having a cool conversation on the phone the previous night and wasn’t looking forward to sitting through acting and scriptwriting. My ethnic studies class was canceled, so I walked off campus and headed to the Starbucks located not too far from my downtown campus. The tall white guy behind the counter was always in a chipper mood and you could tell he loved his job. I wondered if he was a musician on the side or a sultry poet. Whatever he did, you could tell that he had such a zest for life. I ordered my usual Caramel Macchiato, which is also my nickname that many guys have called me, along with giggles due to my childish giggle.
After my venti drink was given to me, I popped my Ipod ear buds back in my ear, put my hood over my newly dyed jet black hair (it brings out my features more, makes me edgier!), I sauntered out the door and headed to my literary studies class. I was forty minutes early, so I crawled up on a bench and began reading a ritzy black socialite novel by Angela Winters. I had forgot my Jerome Dickey book at home =(. The time flew by and the next thing I knew…I was nursing my Caramel Macchiato and talking with a girl in my class. We were discussing our plans for next semester and her decision to move back down south. I asked her how her boyfriend and her were handling the situation. She explained that he was moving to another western state for a new job, he was already established in his career, and she was till in the process of her undergraduate work. As I continued to sip my coffee, she was seemingly frustrated with the whole decision. I suggested they trying going long distance and she replied “We did that before, it didn’t work, that’s why I moved here….to be with him.”
She told me most likely they would break up, because she wanted the chance to still find herself. We got silent for a brief moment and she asked me if I had a boyfriend. I sat down my coffee, looked over at her, and basically said “Nah, I’m good.” The girl began laughing, I could tell that my sly remark had cheered her up. She checked her blackberry and saw it was her boyfriend calling. She shook her head and looked over at me “Yeah, don’t waste your time with it. It’s hard dating in college, especially when your young and still finding yourself. Girl your so lucky…I’m glad your good.” We laughed at the whole situation and our professor walked in the classroom to let us know that this was our final informal class session and we could leave if we wanted. I grabbed my coffee, put on some Tabi Bonney, and headed back towards campus.
That wasn’t the first time I replied with the simple yet explanatory phrase “nah, I’m good.” I see the hassle and stress that some of my friends my age 19-24 go through dealing with relationships and I’m so good…I don’t want it or need it. I enjoy the beautiful silence I have some nights and I don’t want to waste my time with someone I kind of like, but I could do without their presence in my life. A few weeks ago I began to feel the pressures of dating and relationships in my atmosphere.A lot of the girls and guys around me were falling in love, going on dates, getting pregnant, daydreaming about getting married, and dedicating a majority of their time to the idea and work of a relationship. Lives around me were becoming consumed with dedication and commitment, and I began to feel for a brief moment maybe I should give it a chance.
That brief moment came, watched a movie, used the bathroom, and drove off a cliff. I’m so good on the idea of having a man in my life right now. Don’t want it and to be honest don’t really need it. I never have a problem attracting men, all kind of men and some handsome ones at that, but after awhile I get irritated and bored. My time is precious and I don’t like to engage in havoc. Men can be such a bore and their platitudes burn out quickly. Women can be the same as well, that’s why sometimes I prefer to be alone in my creative sandbox.
I can be the life of the party, but I also enjoy beautiful solitude. Dealing with people can become quite exhausting after awhile, but I still manage to juggle back and forth depending upon my mood. Some people have amazing personalities and there are those with erroneous antics. I grew up having the “it” factor and perfected the skills necessary to truly be the “it” girl. Being bold and outgoing has nothing to do with looks, but having that confidence that can shake the ground. I walk with an edgy confidence and I dare haterz to say anything. I don’t too much care what anyone thinks, especially people who I don’t have a meaningful relationship with.
I love not having to worry about anyone else but my immediate family and a few extended family members. I barely talk to my friends on a daily basis, so I definitely don’t want to have to worry about talking to some guy every day. I’m not a relationship cynic or have some commitment phobia…I just enjoy my freedom and see no point in having a boyfriend anytime soon. It took me awhile to finally have the courage to admit my true feelings. For months, I kept battling with “I want someone to love me” and “Nah, I’m good…don’t want to be bothered”. Now I’m officially dedicated to the “Nah, I’m good” statement and not putting effort in entertaining any men.
But, oh no! As a woman, your not supposed to say such a dramatic statement. A woman is supposed to be thirsty for a knight and shining armor, a woman is supposed to do a career only because she can’t find a suitable man, a woman is supposed to aspire to be a housewife, a woman is supposed to find one guy, date him, and stick with him even if he doesn’t enjoy being monogamous. Oh please, that is such a double standard. So it’s okay for men to date around and not take commitment serious, but it’s not okay for a woman?
That’s the attitude that I’ve received from so many men that I have turned down. They always come back with the lame line “but why? your single, I’m single, so why not?” There are so many reasons why not, for starters I’m not interested in getting caught up in a clingy relationship when I’m four semesters away from graduating college and moving back to the DC Metropolitan. Secondly, your not the man of my dreams. I understand that everyone is in transition in their lives, but doesn’t mean I want to experience my transition with someone else. I go to school full time, live with my parents, working on a second book, help out with my brother’s career, and I do lots of other creative tasks on the side….I’m too busy to care about someone else’s problems.
I’ll admit, I can be a flirtatious and charming woman. I have a natural seductive high, easy flowing conversations, and I play video-games. To most men, I’m the perfect catch…but doesn’t mean I want to be caught. I don’t purposely make men fall for me, it just happens that way. I’m naturally a charming person to everyone I meet and I love complimenting people. I compliment men, and women. I don’t hate, if a female friend of mine truly looks beautiful in a dress that is aesthetically pleasing, I’m not going to hate on her and say “ugh you should change”. I’ll simply say “wow you look beautiful in that dress girl!”. Everyone can use a good picker upper compliment sometimes, especially with all the added pressure from media and magazines to be flawless.
My point is, I don’t do it on purpose, but that doesn’t mean I should receive attitude for my choices. If a man really cared about me as a person and didn’t want be to be their trophy piece, then they should respect my decision to focus on me. I’m not using this time to become a bitter and selfish black woman, but I’m using it to get my education, become healthier and fit, grow my hair back out, write my book and more books in the near future, and to become the overall best woman that I can be for Mr. Right in the future. None of the men I’ve met, and I’ve met a lot of men, have been what I’m looking for. Their hasn’t been that total spiritual connection, where I feel I need to commit to this person and can’t imagine not talking to them. Most of the men I’ve met have had some of the qualities I’ve sincerely wanted, but may have been to short, too skinny, off into a crazy occult (which I have met guys in occults), or simply have a clingy personality that turns me off.
I can’t stand clingy men. Eww….so gross! There’s this misconception that women are the ones that tend to be clingy…but uh huh, not the case at all! I’ve dated guys who were sweet, but annoyingly needy and clingy. It’s like I get the point, you care about me, but you don’t need to call me eight times a day to find out what I’m doing and say you miss me. A text would be fine, but not ever single hour…can’t stand that! Every woman is different, but I’m a woman who likes some distance. I don’t like long distance relationships much, but I mind distance in communication. It’s gets boring if we text all day long, I lose interest and begin to ignore text messages.
I just re-read the paragraph above, wow I really do enjoy being single. It’s not that I don’t like the idea of love, romance, having a family one day, having someone I see on a daily basis, I’m just not in the mood to have that anytime soon. People tend to bore me quickly, probably developed a short attention span from all the videogames I play. I literally can watch a movie and within the first five minutes, if it’s moving way to slow, I’ll simply say “I’m done. Lets watch something else.” I like to think it comes from my raw edgy East Coast upbringing, or its surely out of pure boredom of overdrawn introductions. Oh well, whatever the case may be…I get bored with guys after awhile. I have too much going on in my life to devote part of my brain to some guy I’ve known for a week and he’s already lurking around me. Don’t need it…don’t want it…nah, I’m good.
Years from now I’ll be sitting in an office at my job as a writer or pr specialist looking at this article. I’ll crack up laughing at my rant on men and make a lunch date with my charming boyfriend who works in DC with a career on the same level or higher as mine. We will have a beautiful lunch and make plans to go to jazz concert later in the evening. It will be a wonderful and magic moment, the spark I’ve been waiting for my entire life. But until that glorious moments comes…I’m good. I’m young, black, educated, single and quite content. I love focusing on me and enjoy the beautiful solitude that I have without the distractions of annoying clingy men that are too short or have a hairy birthmark on their cheek that they keep picking with (that actually happened on a date, so gross…it brushed my cheek when he tried to kiss me goodbye!). So next time someone asks me my thoughts on finding love, a relationship, and an acceptable but not great boyfriend….nah, I’m good….real good.