This is an assignment from my Scriptwriting class I took in sophomore year. I’ve never really had any close friends or friendships that have lasted a long time, and I surely haven’t had long-term relationships. So when it came to writing this assignment, the one person that came to my mind was a friend that really had a spirit for life. She died in a car accident while I was in Colorado and she was still in Maryland, but I always think of her and imagine what her life would have been like. She had so much pain and hurt, but she still had a joy for life. All she wanted was love…
JASMINE, 19, tall height for a female, brown skin with caramel undertones, short curly hair, outgoing demeanor with a raw outlook on life.
When I first met her, I realized that for a big girl she held no limitations to her life. Yeah, it’s true we both dated the same guy. She had him first…I had him second. Truth of the matter is, I had him last. So many times in life when you walk pass a wall and see graffiti sprayed with three desperate letters “RIP” you realize that this will become a part of your reality one day.
Lustful weekends. Drunk phone calls. Exaggerated lies in the face of a concerned mother. These were threads woven into the fabric of our friendship. She didn’t let her natural h cup earthquakes stop her from expressing her love for sports or fashion. All of her clothes were customed made. Price didn’t matter, her dad was VIP of a top pharmaceutical company and their estate on Masters Run was 15 houses in one. She clocked in at 6 feet tall and used her height on the volleyball court and on the streets with men.
Our friendship began on Myspace. All it took was one message, one text, one phone call, and a lunch date at Panera Bread. Next thing you know, before I even know it…we became best friends. It dawned on me that we had more in common than dating the same guy and being 6 feet tall. She loved to laugh. Melissa had a roaring laughter that could shake California. Her favorite comedian…was herself. After a long day at the mall looking for “hot” black guys, I would laugh at her excuses for why the guy’s didn’t want her.
She would explain to me the reasons black guys didn’t want to date her was because she was “just a white girl”. Every guy she pushed up on, ending up trying to get with me…and walking away empty handed. My mom always told me to never break the number one girl’s rule. Don’t date your best friend’s ex, but also never date their crush. I couldn’t diss my friend. I couldn’t let her beat herself up for being downgraded to “just a white girl”. Melissa was more than that. The color of her skin didn’t stop the love she donated. Melissa was a bubbly ray of sunshine, with the voice of Taylor Swift. Grown men would cry when Melissa would sing her song. All she wanted was to be loved.
I never really believed in the fairytales of love, until I met Melissa. For 2 years I watched her go through ultimate pain, rejection, pregnancy scares, on her knees in random bathrooms with random black men, 2 rape cases that resulted in restraining orders, 2 abortions, and spending Friday nights alone eating ice cream filled with tears. I wanted to grab a spoon and join her in eating Ben and Jerrys. I wanted to watch cliché romantic comedies and plan each of our wedding days in our minds.On plenty of occasions I wanted to disappear from her life…but her mother’s words tugged at my heart. “Don’t let anything happen to my Melissa. She needs a good person like you in her life. Please stay her friend” Her mother would beg for me to hang out with Melissa. To somehow deflect the pain and to create new memories that normal teen girl’s should experience. Going to the prom and passing drivers ed.
It took her forever to pass drivers ed. She failed the test 3 times. It took her meeting a guy off myspace, falling in love, and getting married for her to finally pass the test.
Life is like a wind that keeps blowing. The wind blew me to Colorado. The wind blew me to new friends. The wind blew me on a Sunday afternoon a year later to Melissa’s Facebook page. The wind blew me to tears when I saw all the RIP posts that stormed and rained on her wall. A friendship that began on Myspace…ended with a RIP on Facebook. Now the wind blows me to tell her story. My story.
You may be seeking some words of wisdom here, but the truth is that there just aren’t any. No words to alleviate, no phrases to soothe. Your best course of action is acceptance; cope with this head-on and force yourself to understand the consequences of your loss. Take a moment and fucking think about it. Understand that you will never again have a physical interaction with this person you loved, liked, or loathed. Harsh reality is the only reality there is and avoidance only begets bitter mourning.
Over the weekend, I lost another friend. This means a life of fewer inside jokes, fewer understandings between myself and another human, fewer rounds of gay-chicken and far less man hands groping my crotch. This is something I’ve experienced before (both the loss and the action of another man grabbing my crotch). The bleak surroundings of emotional distress and that jaded emptiness are all too familiar. Welcome to another death; another life devoured and swallowed by the great nothing.
As a staunch atheist, I don’t have some kind of false knowledge that my friend is now in a better place. I don’t feel his presence watching over me. I don’t have any inclination that he is now in better hands or in the care of his loving, omnipotent creator. The only knowledge I carry with me is that I no longer have the opportunity or privilege of being in the same realm of existence as this former life.
In specific regards to suicides, there are always those reactions that frustrate me. Firstly, a popular reaction to a suicide is anger. Allowing yourself to be consumed with unabashed anger will only exacerbate your processing of loss. There you are, providing the discourse stating your aversion to the victim’s decision has led you to believe this person a complete asshole. What an astute observer! This person has taken his or herself away from me so I think they are an asshole. Yes, a cliche conclusion and one that forms as a result of inward thinking. I don’t think my friend was an asshole and I won’t feign an understanding of their decision. I won’t make assumptions that if only we had been more attentive, or if only we truly listened, they may be here right now.
Blame and wonder are irrelevant and maddening. These are things that should be collected in a puddle of excess emotion and left to evaporate. Don’t approach either in casual stride and don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the questions. Move forward only in the understanding of what this is and what this creates.
You will always have to deal with those who become the departed’s best posthumous pal. Everyone’s life is a fickle cocksucker with an insatiable need for importance and relevance. Nothing will avail the desires of the insecure, so allowing this to happen may be in your best interest. Perhaps this posthumous pal only knew the departed as an acquaintance, but wants to reminisce of the two hours they spent laughing together. This holds no relevance in your own ability to cope.
Everyone will cope with death very differently. The only advice I can give you as man who has lost two close friends to suicide, is that you must allow the loss to affect you. You must put effort into memory, and be relentless in allowing yourself some understanding. Understand what this means for you and for what follows. Remember their voice, remember the jokes you made together, and remember the embarrassing moments you shared. Then cry about it. Cry because you’ll never experience those things with this person again. Cry because all you have left are memories that fade with the inevitable passing of time.
So find solace in the knowledge that this is now over. The outcome is an unfaltering stone of finality; irreversible. Your friendship and experiences in tact and unable to be altered.
I’ve spent a majority of my life moving around, meeting new people, and moving again. I’ve never really stayed in one place too long without having an inkling desire to relocate; which is why I’m known as an “urban nomad.” But now that I’m back in Maryland and in my last year of college, I feel like I want to at least sit still for a year or two at the most.
Moving is what I do! Yet I know that once I graduate I will get a job, move out on my own, and at least learn how to be stable for a moment. It’s not really a scary thought, but it is a reality that I’m beginning to see. I love to travel and see the world, but it doesn’t mean I have to move to every place I visit. It’s perfectly okay to have a great job, my own apartment, a few friends, a man, and travel on the weekends. I don’t have to always be a nomad on my own; that sounds dangerous in some cases. Just traveling the world all by myself, sounds exciting yet lonely and scary. So I know that after I graduate in Summer 2012, I want to have my life look a lot different. More long-lasting friendships, maybe a relationship, and of course a lot of travel on the weekends, but not by myself.
I may not have a bunch of true friends right now, but I’d never be so desperate to go find them on Craigslist. Since I’ve moved around so much, I have used Craigslist a lot. From my family buying cars, selling cars, selling items, finding jobs online, and even finding writing gigs; Craigslist has been the source for a lot of great things. A majority of the writing gigs I have found have been posted on Craigslist and a lot of the apartments we have lived in were Craigslist finds. I know that a lot of people use Craigslist for various reasons, but I never knew people actually searched for just friendship on Craigslist.
Of course you’ve got sexual encounters and other weird meet-ups, but there are real people out there that use Craigslist to find platonic friendships. I didn’t know any of this until about an hour ago. I was on Craigslist looking for some writing gigs, and for the first time ever I noticed something I had never seen before; Craigslist tv. I have seen a documentary about a guy doing everything on Craigslist, but I had no idea they actually had an online television show with episodes about real people and real postings.
Craigslist tv has a lot of episodes that follow real people, their postings, and the encounters they make. It’s interesting how people use Craigslist for more than just housing, cars, furniture, jobs, and even sex (that’s gross though, meeting someone off Craigslist for sex…eww!) There are actually a lot of people out there that use CL to meet people with the same interests as them. Instead of using online dating sites or friendship sites (those exist, right?) these people resort to Craigslist in search of an answer. I’m not appalled by it, yet, I’m more so intrigued by the real people, real postings.
I may meet men off online dating sites every now and then, but I’d never resort to Craigslist in search of friendships. I’d rather use Meetup.com and go to legitimate organized meet-ups that foster a safe environment. But everyone has their own way of finding others to interact with, so I guess Craigslist is great for some people. For instance, this guy below used the site in order to find friends. Check out his video below and then visit the Craigslist blog to see how he is doing now. It’s very interesting seeing how cyber relationships can become real or fizzle out, but at least it was worth giving it a shot.
I have people I’ve meet online over the years that have become close to me in person, but I move so much; so the friendship just fizzles out since I move away. But at least I can say I gave it out a shot and I’m on a journey, which is what an urban nomad is supposed to do. I will never stop journeying, I never stop believing in finding a friend to travel with, and I won’t even stop believing in love. No matter how much I move around and travel, I do believe that one day I will meet an amazing guy out there that totally gets my desire to travel. I may be single now and totally loving it, but it doesn’t mean I’m against the idea of making a new male friend that could possibly be more; you never know until you try!
Both of these videos show that everyone out there in the world is just looking for someone to get them, like understand their personality. We are all just human beings traversing this planet in hopes of running across those who can relate to us and not judge. In the end it’s all about acceptance and finding someone you can relate too, even with your differences.
This is the latest episode of Craigslist tv. Pretty funny!
The best line of this video is when he says he wants a geeky girl, but NO LARPERS! HAHA so…geeky is a must, but don’t you dare wear a costume and do live action-role playing or he will kick your ass!
©Jasmine McGee.ThinkSoul25. http://thinksoul25.com