Tag Archives: first dates

Keep Calm & Love a Nerd

I’m not really big on celebrity gossip, but I will say I wasn’t at all shocked at Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries getting divorced. I never really paid to much attention to her, mainly because I feel like she just capitalizes off her looks and dating athletes. It’s not like I’m a big hater of woman who does that, but it’s the mindset of chasing after “ballers” that annoys me.

I’ve met a lot of young women that just have such high ambitions of getting this guy who is totally swag literate and an impressive catch, but then they pass up some of the good men who may not be flashy, swagged up, or perhaps a hotshot athlete or distinguished lawyer or doctor. Not to say that all athletes or guys in medical and law fields are ballers, but it’s the perceptions that some women have of those men. I’ve personally had a few opportunities to date professional athletes, including a player from the Denver Broncos. But just the entire idea of them being on this hierarchy because they are an athlete and all the ladies love them just turns me off.

Guys that are just so obsessed with their looks, their ego, and bragging about their career tend be the guys that I get bored with. With the quickness, I’m just so over them. It’s like I don’t want to sit and talk about your looks or the sport you play all day, let alone sit and talk about material items that you can buy for me. They aren’t bad men by any means, it’s just that they don’t impress me. I’m the type of person that has this super serious side, but a majority of the time I’m not caught up on being that flawless diva. I’ve gone out on dates with guys in law school, med school, doctors, professional athletes, and so many other career aspirations, but some of these men just seem to capitalize on their career and not try to let their personality speak for itself. Even if I had a different career path, I’d still be the same person on a personality level. I wouldn’t try to impress someone based off my education or my career title, but instead let them discover the beautiful parts of my personality that mold me into the woman I am.

I have such an explosive personality that is driven by the arts, technology, and just being geeky chic. I used to apologize for being really silly, outlandish, creative, geeky, and passionate about certain topics. I had met so many different men that seemed “perfect” on paper according to the guidelines and lists that I used to have. You know the lists: educated, great career, tall, no kids, spiritual, well spoken, and culturally diverse. Those are some of the items that were on my lists and I had met men that totally met all those criteria and much more, but they just bored the hell out of me with their demeanor. It’s like they are so refined and distinguished, even have a classy style that is GQ worthy, but their personality didn’t mesh well with mine.

I used to hold back on being the woman I was during middle school and high school, but after being in college for the past 4 years I realized that all I can do is my true self. I’m not ashamed to admit I’m really silly, I’d rather play PS3 for hours instead of shopping and getting my nails done, and I think being passionate and wild about the arts is more important than trying to maintain this flawless image of a woman that is superior in education, classy and refined, and a “trophy wife.” I’ll admit that I used to only want a man that was well educated, but I’ve realized that’s not everything. I know guys who graduated magna cum laude from Cornell and other ivy league schools, but their entire attitude turns me off. Some of them have even told me that I was too much of a free-spirit. Can you believe that?! I’ve actually had some men that are so proper and classy tell me I’m “too wild” and confident for them. They express how they love my curvy body, my face, my eyes, and even touching and playing in my hair, but I’m just not the girl that fits that “image” they prefer.

I do believe that there is someone for everyone. In someone else eyes these guys are totally amazing catches. There is somebody for everyone, and in a real mature way, some people are meant to be together and some aren’t. So I’m saying this, so I don’t get any hate mail, that I’m not discounting the diversity of men that we need to have in our society. For myself, however, what has not been working for me is dating this image of what I think the right guy for me is. At the end of the day, I’m an artsy geek. I need a guy that can keep calm and love a nerd. A guy that doesn’t mind me sometimes slipping into a Spongebob voice, or reciting all the lyrics from that Dayman/Nightman song in  the Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode of “The Nightman Cometh.” A guy that can keep me laughing, and not be ashamed to join in on my silly antics. I need a dude that can play Call of Duty with me, while not trying to have a serious conversation. Seriously, I hate having long conversations while playing videogames, I’m just so in the zone with pwnage.

Dude, sometimes I just want to chill out and daydream about having superhero powers. I don’t want to sit their and get a blank stare from a guy. I’d prefer if he was geeky too and could so totally talk to me about the powers he’d love to have. Then we’d sit down and discuss the flaws in movies based off comic books, while probably jamming out to some house, dance, pop, d&B, and other genres of music; it’d be nice if he could accept my guilty pleasure of 80s rock songs and love ballads. :) But of course we’d be able to have serious conversations on politics, religion, and society every now and then, but he’d be totally okay with just having a spontaneous energy for the arts, technology, and life!

It’s not like I’m sitting here saying I need a man right now, because I do enjoy being single. But I will admit that I’m tired of going on dates with guys that just fit this “perfect” image of being a educated baller and totally swag literate. Those dudes don’t usually mesh well with my personality, so I think it’s time for me to do what I do best; go back to dating the geeky and artsy guys who have great personalities. Some of them may be swag literate and have pretty awesome careers, and some of them may not. But why the hell should that matter? You shouldn’t base someone off their career or bank account, but instead base it off the type of personality and vibe they have. So guys that are artsy, geeky, nerdy, and just such a joy to be around make my life so much more fun. I never had to apologize for being a extremely funny artistic geek that doesn’t always say the “right” thing. At the end of the day when it’s all said and done, I want a man that knows how to just keep calm and love a nerd.


I swear, I’d love to date a guy like Donald Glover. There is something so hilarious and sexy about him. I especially love everything he raps about. He totally makes fun of that ego that must rappers have, but he’s actually a pretty awesome rapper! Freaks & Geeks is the best track from Childish Gambino.


©Jasmine McGee.ThinkSoul25. http://thinksoul25.com

The “No Pressure” Date

I haven’t been on a date in forever a month, there just haven’t been any guys that have caught my eye. I’ve flirted with some cool guys out and about, but most of them end up being on the short side. I enjoy engaging in conversation with random people, but it’s rare that I’ll meet a guy that perks my interests. Then on the flip-side, when I do meet a guy who catches me eye, he ends up putting so much pressure and thinking down the line to our wedding. It’s fine to think like that in your mind, but don’t say it on the first date. That’s creepy!

I’ve had my fair of great, good, okay, horrible, and “please can I go home?” dates. One of the worst dates was when the guy showed up wearing leather gloves and then we hung out a second time, and the leather gloves were present. He was this tall light skin guy with a big fro, but he was not the brightest and had a passion for wearing leather gloves in 80 degree weather. I asked him to take them off and his hands were so soft and gorgeous (probably because the leather gloves protect them) but he wouldn’t stop wearing them with jerseys and baggy jeans. A hot mess! I can’t stand when a guy shows up to a date looking crappy. I put my best out there and flaunt my curves in a tasteful way, so they should step up their game and look like they care. If you’re trying to get somewhere, don’t look a hot mess like this little guy over there. Haha this picture is so wrong, but some guys think like that on a first date, a shame!

Everyone has had their share of good and bad dates, but then there are those dates that stand out in your mind. Today happened to be one of those dates that I kept thinking about after it ended. I ended up meeting this really cool guy offline. The site we met on is okay but a lot of the guys on their that hit on me are old school players in their 40s wearing white suits and chilling with pit bulls, seriously, it’s bad. I usually ignore most of my messages and don’t bother talking to people, but this guy ended up being really nice and age appropriate (26.)

We talked for a while on the site, then became buddies on Facebook. It’s not an official association until confirmed on Facebook, that’s when you know you’re making progress.  We chatted for awhile back and forth, he even subtly asked me out but I guess I missed the hints. I was slacking. I was starting to like talking to this guy and chatting on FB, but then I wasn’t sure if he liked me. Finally, I had to say something. I ended up telling him I thought he was cool and then we cleared up the confusion (I wasn’t sure if he liked me, but he did does.) After the brief clear up, we exchange numbers and then finally went on a date today.

I was excited about seeing him, but we discussed a “no pressure” agreement on Facebook. Well, it wasn’t really an agreement but rather an understanding that we are both single, casually dating, and not trying to rush into anything. I don’t like to sit and place pressure on a lot of things, especially when it comes to men. I’d rather just let it flow and see what happens, but at least be upfront about my feelings. Since we had this no pressure thing going on, I came into the date with the mindset that I’m going to totally be myself and not stress.

I’ve been on so many dates, that I’m at the point where I don’t care what happens. I basically be myself on full swing and let it flow. I’ve never been the type of chick to hide my personality for a man or “calm it down.” If you’re going to like me, then you better know what’s up. I’m random, quirky, touchy-feely, very open, and have an odd yet charming sense of humor. I could have easily gone on my date today and tried to be this proper high maintenance chick who has it all together, but I don’t…that’s NOT me. I hate when a man feels bad because he takes a girl to a restaurant he really can’t afford, but he wants to impress her, except he ends up putting himself in a financial rough spot. That’s not cool.

My date had told me he didn’t have a lot of money on him at the moment, but he still wanted to chill. Instead of tripping, I just said hey 1.) Barnes and Noble 2.) Starbucks and 3.) Great conversation.  That’s all I really need for a first date. You can find out a lot about a guy by hanging out with him at a bookstore and sipping on Starbucks. I had a great time getting to know my date and there wasn’t this lingering pressure to impress each other. I was being myself and he was being him, which made him even sexier in the end.

We ended up chilling at the bookstore and then walking around this lovely lake and sitting for awhile talking. Honestly, that was the best moment of my date. It was beautiful just being outside and getting to know him. Sitting close and flirting, me singing the Family Matters theme song, doing the Charleston (told you I’m silly) and having him gently put his arms around me. It was one of the best dates I’ve been on in a long time thanks to the “no pressure” understanding.

The date went very well and the “no pressure” thing made me like him even more. Weird right? I had such a great time and we had this sensational personality bond. I’m looking forward to hanging out with him again, no pressure, and just having a great time. I’m not tripping on the details of whether we could be more or not, it was just one date. Yet, I will say I’d be an idiot to pass up flirting with him, laughing with him, and getting to know his charming and sexy self. He’s legit.

I’m digging this entire no pressure thing, yet I enjoy the fact I can still be open and say “Hey, I like you a lot. You’re funny, charming, wise, sexy, and tall.” Seriously, he was 6’3”, that alone was hot. It was nice getting hugged by a tall guy, it felt nice being in his arms but no pressure!!! LOL I’m just getting to know him, but I can say today was one of the best dates I’ve had in a long time. I was actually a little sad when the date ended and I didn’t want to let go of the embrace. He was such a cool guy, like I could totally at least see us being buddies and no pressure on whether something more happens. I hope to see him a lot more and just have fun hanging out, no stress and pressure needed. I hope he feels the same way too. :)

©Jasmine McGee