In moments of dire frustration with my current circumstances, I found myself craving an ounce (or even a pound) of stimulating conversation fueled by riveting unparalleled imagination. I’m not expecting anything of epic proportions (although that would make my day,) but when it comes to dating and interacting with men, I’d at least hope they’d be able to stimulate me, not just physically, but on a mental/personality level.
That doesn’t appear to be an outlandish request. Yet, as of late, with the exception of a select few, most of the men I’ve been encountering are so numb conversation wise. In the fashion of a robot, every word they seem to say it just another antiquated calculated response usually along the lines of an illusive “cool.” Which you’d hope could hold a deeper meaning, but it’s really just “cool, I don’t care about asking you a follow-up question.”
Follow-up questions don’t have to be the lines of a soap-opera or a masterpiece play, but I’d at least love to feel that our conversation is engaging. But oh no, it’s too much “work” to take a few seconds to create an orb of communication that is original, innovative, and shows that you at least give a damn what I’m saying. And when you don’t engage or seem to have life, then quite frankly, you’re beginning to bore me to death…or damn near close to it!
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a lot to handle. By no means am I the demanding woman that you have to wine and dine with the finer things of life; not my style. However, in order for a man to captivate me and actually give him the time of day, he has to hold my interest personality wise. Make me laugh, make me laugh so hard to the point in which my cute little giggle turns into a snort (yes, that happens on occasion.) Prick my senses with witty sarcasm and dark humour; truly, I don’t mind. And if the only music you like to listen to and talk about is commercial hip-hop, then don’t even think you’ll actually score a first date with me. As much as I love music (not just house, but many genres,) I get bored super quick when someone has a limited passion (or desire to explore) for a diverse selection of music.
Don’t get me wrong, I love dating, I love exploring the different types of personalities of men out there, but I’m really getting sick of being bored. It’s like they aren’t even trying anymore! Apparently showering me with recycled compliments, faulty promises, and temporary chivalry (until they hit and quit,) is the motivation of most of these men I encounter.
Oh, and in Los Angeles it was an atrocity. Each guy I met while living in LA (I’m now back in Greater Washington, DC metropolitan,) were wannabe players that wished they could get the model chicks and busty starlets, but they didn’t have the money nor the looks to be on that level. Yet, they stepped to me with the same cocky attitude, recycled game, and the motivation for doing one thing; hitting it and quitting it.
I can’t tell you how many times I met a guy and within the first conversation (online and in person,) he started not hinting, but blatantly talking about the things he wanted to do with me and how getting to know me involved hooking up…right away. WOW, unbelievable! And not only was it hard to believe, but the conversation became so repetitive and boring. Over and over again I was approached with the same tactics, and now I’m at the point where talking about sex and flirting is just boring.
Alright, I take that back…slightly. Talking about sex and flirting isn’t boring, but it has to be done with someone that actually likes me, knows me, and we’ve reached that level. Right off the back isn’t “reaching that level and getting to know me.” No, no, no. That isn’t how it’s done; not in my book!
If you want to truly get to know me, excitement on exhilarating epic levels, and blow my mind, then engage me with personality, culture (if you love house music, my heart is yours,) and humour. I’ll never be bored with that momentum of raw creative thoughts flowing in the conversation, and in the end you’ll probably have a better chance of getting close to me….
This is a rant I began writing, but it ended up being extremely long. So I broke it up into two blog posts. Below are my candid thoughts on dating.
The art of being a pickup artist has become so antiquated. Well, actually, it’s hard to even say that’s its antiquated because in order for something to become outdated it must have held prior popularity and an sensation of being “current.” I don’t know about y’all, but I never thought being a pickup artist or using lines was “hip.”
There is nothing wrong with trying to attract someone or gain his or her attention, but having a methodical approach is just not a good look. It surely isn’t impressive when you know a guy is using lines, and had probably used that line on a ton of other women. Sometimes those tactics do work, but it’s usually on the woman that are, well…easy.
Not to be harsh, but some women girls are just superficial, slutty, and just dumb. They lack the appropriate cognitive functioning that makes them a well rounded individual, so when certain men approach them with lines they are actually flattered instead of cautious and aware of the game being played. And the women that may have a hint of intellect, but are driven by pure sluttyness know when a game is going on, but are looking forward to making love faces.
Men are more than just sexual gods to me, so I don’t partake in the game just for satisfaction. Men have personalities, emotions, characteristics, hearts, souls, and ambition that make them a man. I don’t like to treat them as if they are only good for satisfaction, yet sadly some men only focus on carnal achievements instead of tangible emotional connections. Those men realize I’m not easy, yet they have this glimmer of hope that perhaps I’ll be down for a “good” ride.
We live in such a sexually driven society, so I understand why it’s always a big factor when it comes to relating to one another. Yes, we are human beings and we have needs, but just because society and media put emphasis on sex, it doesn’t mean that every man or woman is just a sex machine waiting to be ravaged.
Perhaps I’m just a sucker for traditional romance, but I feel as though meaningful connections deserve to be made. When I say a meaningful connection, I mean a connection based on all levels: spiritually, physically, and mentally. A healthy relationship functions on all levels of interrelating, and when one area is lacking, the others are bound to eventually suffer in the end. You can’t bake a good cake without those imperative ingredients, so you shouldn’t form a relationship without those key pieces that make it taste divine.
I belief that passionate love and a meaningful connection begin with more than just a pickup line, which is why I can’t stand when men approach me with those lines. I’m not one of those easy chicks that lose their self-respect and feigns for male pleasure. I’m not out here hitting the clubs and the online dating market in search of a man to ravage me, yet delusional men think they actually have a shot.
Recently I actually had a man online send me a message using a line that was original, yet immediately signaled the making of a game ready to begin, all he needed was a referee. The message he sent me had said:
“Hey i would totally ravage you if I were ever given the opportunity to do so.. just saying”
I will give him some props for being original with his line. I mean that was clever, so I’m not going to knock him there. But like seriously, who say that’s in the initial message? It would have been slightly different if I had known him in real life or had messaged back and forth for a while, but this was the first message he had ever sent me.
Throughout all my adventures in online dating I’ve had a lot of hilarious messages, many which were degrading, some genuine conversations, and a collection of messages (like this one) that were out of pocket. I really didn’t know what to do with that one, so I wrote him back and said “Hahaha classic answer. Witty and humorous type of guy, that’s good.” I didn’t really have much to say and I was just kind of going along with it because I just wanted to see how ignorant this guy was.
He messaged me back and said “haha i know right. I should pencil you in for sometime this week ” Yeah, he just wanted sex. He even decided to hit me up in an IM and said, “Want to hook up and have sex?” I knew what he wanted from the get-go, but I just had to have a little fun and see if this guy was serious. Like it was a big joke to me, I was actually mocking him the entire time. So I wrote him and told him I wasn’t that type of woman, I prefer to take my time getting to know someone. I told him I only wrote him back because I thought it was hilarious and that he was a joke. End of story, never talked to him again.
The online dating scene does contain a few individuals like myself that are somewhat hopeful of making a legitimate connection, but a majority of the folks on these sites (men and women, even though I could sit here and just blame men) are looking for quick fixes and friends strangers with benefits. You can’t even really call a lot of the connections made friends, because in actuality everyone is just looking for something to satisfy their selfish needs.
True friendships and connections are possible to make online and in real life, but it’s rare. The dating scene in my generation has become so trendy. Everything is just for fun with no strings attached, except for perhaps a kid down the line, child support, and dreams that are crushed. Dating has just become reckless pickup lines that get recycled and cheap thrills that potentially lead to devastating consequences.
I often feel as though the days of meeting someone and forming a genuine connection have died, along with chivalry (that’s dead too, right?) I don’t mind an eternal death, but more like a death that has the potential to come back sort of like a zombie, except instead of craving human flesh, it’s an avant-garde zombie that craves love. That is an absurdly abstract comparison, but somehow it’s makes sense. In simpler terms, genuine connections are dying but that process of death can bring back new connections that are the same person, but a whole new persona.
Making those connections can be frustrating when you have to go through a whirlpool of individuals that are accustomed to other folks that have the same fake and self-seeking pleasure pursuit. When your surrounded by others that have that same mode of operation, it’s unnerving when an individual like myself steps into the picture.
I’ve always been the woman that is “different” from the other women that most men encounter, yet their tactics don’t impress me; that leads to unbearable frustration that makes them treat me like crap and attempt to break me down to their level. It’s such a childish approach to the reality that I’m not easy, yet these men still express their regret with ill temper.
I didn’t get a chance to blog the other day due to a lot of things that were taking place, but now I have the time today to share some of my thoughts. This week so far has been pretty good. I been spinning on my spin bike like a maniac, and I’m just anxious for the semester to start. I can’t believe I’m so close to actually graduating college; a mind blowing feeling of accomplishment tends to overwhelm me.
Nearing graduation is an awesome feeling, and it inspires me to think about what I want to happen in the next few months. I turn 21 in April & that signals a lot of new things for me, especially more social outlets. My brother is always asking me to go out to house clubs & cool lounges, but I’m never old enough. But least when I turn 21 I can go out more with him, as well as have the chance of interacting with some better men.
2012 is going to be a year where I actually ignore the lames & get rid of unreliable
bastards men. My major pet peeve is men that are extremely unreliable and inconsistently persuasive. When I say “inconsistently persuasive,” I’m referring to men that don’t really follow through when it comes to getting to know you, but then they pop up weeks later with all these “charming” words that are supposed to allure you back into their self-centered orbit. All the “charming” things they say are apparently supposed to evoke an “awwww” from me, and have me forget the fact they’ve stood me up, often didn’t return my text or phone calls, and preached about going back to their ex, but then come back saying they want to give me a shot. WTF?
I absolutely loathe when men try to play games like that, it seriously pisses me off. I’m not just some loading zone that you can chill in for a little bit when your visiting, then you leave for days or weeks, but then come back later and try to set up shop for a few days. I know dating is all about having a variety of options (which I always do, never limit yourself to one man when single,) but I can’t stand it when guys seem really nice & interested, but then so damn inconsistent.
This inconsistency can probably be attributed to that “three-day-rule,” but man eff that nonsense. I know you don’t want to seem too eager, but I’m the type of woman that if you already barely have a busy life & some shitty job, then there is no need for you to not take the time to at least text me back. Then 5 days later, which is way over that 3 day time-frame, you text back like “hey baby.” WTF? Now all of a sudden you want to play this charm card. Ugh, I can’t stand that!
My thought on it is basically the following. I understand that dating is fun & it’s just about getting to know people, but don’t say a bunch of shit how you seriously want to get to know me and then not even have the common decency to be consistent with the process of interaction. Don’t just up & disappear for weeks to months, then text me or call me like everything is okay and you missed me & can’t wait to go another date. Nah, that doesn’t fly with me. Especially when I’ve actually take the time to be nice, then end up getting stood up or you pull that same inconsistent card & don’t bother to even call to let me know you can’t make our date. Instead you just don’t hit me up, then we go through the cycle again & a few weeks later you come back into my life like I owe you the time of day.
2012 is a new year, and new dating rules. No more second chances for
guys jerks that try to play me with inconsistent persuasion. I’m going to keep dating around and just continuing not to take guys seriously, because apparently when you think someone is actually going to take the effort to be consistent, they are just coming in & out of your life like they have the right to play with your emotions. Well I’m not doing that this year. Like for instance, today I woke up two a few text messages from some guys I was talking to & one I had gone on a date with, but he is always inconsistent & comes back weeks at a time preaching how much he needs me in his life. Oh hush up! I deleted all their numbers, and I’m moving on with my life. Here’s new rule. If I hit you up with a text or a phone call, and it takes you longer than 3 days to hit me up, then you’re basically not a factor to me. “Delete, delete, delete.”
My time is too precious to be wasting it with inconsistent immature men that act is if they can actually charm their way back into my life. Wake up & smell the coffee, I’m putting some new rules in place in 2012. So get with the program, or get lost. Once you’ve lost my interest & my genuine communication, then it’s dead. This ain’t zombies, you can’t come back to life after this connection dies. It’s a wrap.
©Jasmine McGee.ThinkSoul25. http://thinksoul25.com