Tag Archives: being alone

Moments in Transition

Every time I meet someone new I’m constantly reminded how explosive my personality is. I don’t mean like explosive in a bad way, but many have said my personality is just so vibrant, sort of like a beautiful spontaneous combustion. Never have I been one to shy away from hiding my emotions, my thoughts, or my quirky antics. Unless I’m in a professional environment conducting myself as a mature woman, then most likely I’ve got an aura of awesome wit.

I have those moments in which I enjoy being alone, but I’m far from being an introvert. My attitude and approach to life is so uninhibited, I just can’t be alone for too long. When I mention being alone, I’m referring to the context of an overall vibe of gloomy sadness that can overwhelm the mind. The type of being alone that is emotionally unhealthy. If you’re going to be alone, then it should be a healthy approach and not a pity party.  I may be extremely busy with school, but I’m still surrounded by my family and hang out with folks when we can actually coordinate time to kick it. Being in a state of solitude for too long frustrates me, especially if I don’t have access to some form of social communication.

Being alone just makes my life dull. I feel as though I have this pretty radical outgoing personality, and it’s not cool to keep it cooped up in the house too long. Yet I keep working on myself and becoming the best I can be, so when I do go ahead and rock life to the fullest I won’t have any regrets. I’ll feel fabulous and be ready to tackle any challenge that comes my way! I already feel pretty complete when it comes to knowing who I am as a woman and I never hold back on my thoughts, but I’m still a work in process when it comes to formulating my style/look. It wouldn’t be a moment of transition if I didn’t tackle my looks and discover what I think makes me look and feel my best!

Losing weight has been pretty cool so far and I’ve dropped a total of 15lbs in the past 2 months. I realized that it’s not going to be drastic weight loss like you see from celebrities who probably lie about their methods or work out 8 hours a day, but it’s steady weight loss that is realistic. I have an idea of the way I see my body, so I’m working on it. Basically I’m on this transitional phase of life. I’m not quite where I’d like to be yet, but I’m putting things in place for when that day comes. Once I turn 21 in April, graduate college, and get a job to afford a lifestyle of living on my own, paying bills, and of course going out and about, then I will be out of this transitional phase.

Life is filled with varying moments of transition, but that just means you’re actually doing something right; you’re living a realistic life that isn’t stagnant. Dull moments and stagnant phases are something I rarely have, and if I sense it attempting to creep this way then I change the pace and avoid it. Being an emotionally whole human being is about making the best of life, and using moments of transition to stay on track to making your dreams come true. Don’t ever settle for being complacent, and don’t settle for second best.

Whatever you want to achieve in life, then get up and go for it. I’m not saying it’s going to be an easy road, but you can work your way down the highway of transition until you reach your exit. Just make sure you’re at least cruising on that highway and not just sitting in a parked car in the shoulder lane. If you look up and somehow find yourself shifting back and forth between positions, then wake up, smell the coffee, and get back on that highway of transition; you might have a few exits to take, but eventually you’ll reach the right exit that is a dream fulfilled.

One of my favorite songs below. This song may not be talking about transition, but it is a powerful song filled with so many moments….

©Jasmine McGee.ThinkSoul25. http://thinksoul25.com

True Freedom

I absolutely love being single! My life is so carefree right now, all I have to worry about is me. I don’t have to put time or effort into a guy that I kind of like, but don’t find myself being totally into him. I’m just not in the mindset right now to get attached to anyone, it’s just not happening. Of course I’ve met some decent guys that are somewhat charming, but they aren’t impressive enough for me to actually consider giving up my single life. For the first time in a long time, I’m really content with my life; I am truly liberated and soaking up my freedom.

I have this new amazing fitness plan I start once I move in on Saturday and on top of fitness, I’m doing well in school and I have a writing gig that pays weekly. Life is good right now. The only way I can see myself putting a man into the equation is if he meets my criteria. 1.) Well educated 2.) funny 3.) ambitious 4.) spiritual and 5.) tall.  You’d think that this would be easy to find, but a lot of guys that try talking to me either get super attached and clingy or they just continue to bore me with conversation about how nice I look and how much they like me. It’s like ugh, I get it, move on. No need to always talk about how I look and the same boring things. Can we please have a mature adult conversation beyond looks? How about we discuss art, politics, or even fitness.

Boring conversation is a major turn off to me, followed by immature attachment. It’s not even that I have commitment problems, because when I’m in a relationship I don’t mind hanging in there and making it work. The major issue is when guys I’m not really feeling like all that just want to jump the gun and get uber clingy. Not cool. That pushes me away, especially in the mindset I’m in right now.

Being single is such a liberating feeling. I’m in my last year of college, I’m finding myself, and a year from now I will be off having a whole new life. Once I get settled into life after college, living on my own, and working a normal 9 to 5, then I’ll be open to the idea of meeting other educated singles that are career driven and have a similar lifestyle. But for now, I’m not even thinking about becoming exclusive with anybody. Eh, no thank you.

I’m all for having male friends, but so many of them see that I’m a beautiful young educated woman and just want to make me their girl. Why can’t you just appreciate my worth and not trying to tie me down in a relationship? I won’t lie, in the past I’ve quickly jumped into relationships with guys that had everything I wanted, but that is the past. Right now I’m enjoying living my life, no strings attached, and making my dreams come true. I just don’t have any time for a commitment or attachment, especially with someone clingy. I just don’t want to be in a relationship right now and I definitely don’t want to seriously date. Dating should be fun, no pressure, just having a good time meeting new people.But the way things are right now, I’m so content with taking a break from going on dates and just enjoying being single and focusing on the things that matter most, my life.

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One Drink, Now We Are Married

Single, single, and hmm…single. For so many years I kept trying to fight being single and force myself to take on the responsibility of a relationship. I was ignoring my instinct to date around, I was settling for relationships with guys I didn’t really care about.

Now I find myself single and completely content. I remember seeing a Tweet on Twitter a few months ago and it absolutely explained what “single” is all about. “SINGLE is NOT a status. It’s a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.” Yet, many mistake being single for being completely alone with twenty cats and watching Lifetime True movie Thursdays. Being single isn’t this depressing status and it shouldn’t always be associated with a lack of good looks and horrible luck in attracting men (that’s definitely not an issue for me.) You can be single, confident, beautiful, living life to the fullest, and not some depressing loser.

Being single is this wonderful opportunity that I think men and women should cherish. Don’t try to force yourself into a relationship because all your friends are getting boo’d up. Say no to peer pressure! There is nothing wrong with being single and casually dating without any impending commitment. I love the feeling I get when I go on a date with a guy and at the end there is no expectation of planning or wedding and what part of the country we’d like to live in. That is too much pressure! There is no need to go on and on about the possibility of us having a future, I’m not sure if I want to finish the last twenty minutes of this date.

I miss the days when men knew how to casually date and not take things so serious. It seems every date I’ve gone on throughout this summer has ended up with men trying to snatch me up and make me their women by the end of the first date. The worst thing would be when they asked me on a second date and for an entire week straight they would call me, text me, and keep talking about how great our date was. Ugh, stop acting like a giddy little school girl!

There is nothing wrong with liking a person and finding them interesting, but don’t put so much pressure on it. I mean I can understand if perhaps you’re at that point in your life where you’re ready to settle down, but I’m not at that point. I’m so not ready to give my life to someone else. I’m ready to explore and see the world on my own before I get tied down to a guy who works at Radio Shack and expects me to motivate him to do more with his life. A man should take time to work on himself and be sure he has something solid to offer a woman. I’m taking this single time to finish my undergrad and go to graduate school next year. I’m motivated to do something, so I’m not going to sit their and babysit you with motivation. Figure it out before you try to walk me down the aisle.

After having one drink or going on one date, I don’t want to sit down and discuss our wedding plans. You’re wasting your time getting attached with nicknames such as baby, sweetie, my girl, and boo (I hate that nickname.) It’s not that I’m against a relationship and I have this ultimate goal to be single and fabulous at the age of 40, but I just like going with the flow when I’m dating. Just because we kiss or make-out in the heat of the moment, it truly doesn’t mean we are going to be together forever. If I show you a little bit of interest or listen to your stories, it doesn’t at all signal you to step into boo mode and get all lovey dovey/boo’d up with me.

Our generation seriously needs to calm down and stop rushing down the aisle. You have to make sure you can support a relationship physically, emotionally, and financially. I met so many men in Colorado and here in Maryland who want to hurry up and find that main chick. They basically give up on their dreams (if they even had any) and get all boo’d up with a woman that isn’t really doing much with her life either. They struggle super hard financially and never get back to school or a career beyond minimum wage. I’m not just siting judging from what I’ve heard, I personally know over 10 men who have had this happen to them. It’s ridiculous!

It’s so hard building a future with someone when you don’t have an economic plan set in place. Finances are one of the top reasons why relationships are affected. It’s hard to truly be all boo’d up and lovey/dovey when neither person is fulfilling their true potential as a human being. I’ve seen resentment set in and it’s not a pretty scenario. Rushing to marriage at such a young age is often impulsive and reckless. I’m personally not going to put my self in a situation where I decided to forget graduate school and focus all my attention on some guy who keeps thinking about going to school, but doesn’t even have a dream at all outside of education. You can be a successful person without education, but you have to seriously have a dream and commit to it.

I’ve been homeless before and I know that struggling isn’t any fun. I don’t want to rush into a union with a man and not be mentally and financially ready. I have dreams that I’d like to at least get into motion before someone puts a ring on my finger. I think I’d like to build with someone later down the line, but we both should have a solid foundation to work with. Yet so many men I encounter are so eager to rush into a relationship and get all boo’d up. They don’t think about the ramifications of their decisions and they don’t take into account the possibility they should focus on themselves before trying to get married.

I’m honestly really sick of men, who barely have their life together, trying to get with me and start a serious relationship with marriage in sight. I’d rather be alone and casually date without the pressure. When I’m ready to get serious, then I’ll take my dates more serious. But for now, I have no interest in getting boo’d up. There is no need for me to commit to you when I’m so focused on graduating, graduate school, and taking my career to the next level.

So this is my open letter to all the men out there who are eager to hurry up and get with a woman, calm down! You should honestly examine your life and see if you are even in the right mindset and situation to get into a relationship in hopes of getting married. It’s not about making sure you’ve got a baller wallet, but it’s about having the ability to sustain a relationship on various levels. Before you think about getting really attached to a woman, make sure you’re not just acting impulsive. Make sure you can provide for her, yourself, and are living out your dreams. Life is too short and your dream is just as important as hers.

Recently my grandfather passed away and he encouraged me, in the last few years of his life, to make sure I live my dream, get an education, and be the best that God wanted me to be. Maybe for some of you young men, you don’t have a father in your life and your trying to establish a family quickly in order to fix mistakes that were made in your life. My encouragement to you is to live your dream. Get training, education, and be the best man you can be for an honest future you want with a woman that will come in your life. How do you expect me to trust in you and take you serious, when you don’t even have a dream? I shouldn’t be the only one in a relationship working hard on my career and making my dreams come true, I’m not down for that. If that is what being boo’d up looks like for some of you men, then I want no part of it.

©Jasmine McGee

ThinkSoul25

http://thinksoul25.com

Lord I Go To Church But Can’t Find A Man

Hey world!

Just wanted to repost my mom’s book “Lord I Go To Church But Can’t Find A Man”. I finished reading it and must say it was a great, cute, funny, and real talk about that really gave some great advice. It didn’t just sit their and bash black women or bash black men, but addressed problems from both sides and offered realistic solutions. If your looking for a good book to read on these lovely fall evenings, then def check out “Lord I go to Church But can’t Find a Man”. You won’t be disappointed! More information below from the original posting.

Sidenote: If your wondering why I’m marketing this, it’s not just because she is my mom but I’ve actually been marketing people and doing websites, graphic design, album covers, social networking, etc for a lot of people. If you need a boost in your image or help getting your creative talent noticed, then hit me up! That’s what I’m studying in college and I’ve been doing it since I was in middle school! Eventually plan on having my on PR firm, so look for me in the near future!

Ciao!

-Jaz

 

ATTENTION SINGLE BLACK WOMEN!
BE SURE TO CHECK OUT JANIE MCGEE’s BOOK “LORD I GO TO CHURCH BUT I CAN’T FIND A MAN. If your frustrated with the dating scene and looking for some solid advice from someone who has been in your shoes….then look no further.
Lord I Go To Church But I Can’t Find a Man, was written for Black women in their 30′s, 40′s, 50′s, and 60′s that are having a hard time finding a man. The book was inspired by the many years of ministering to women who love God but are lonely. The book is  not meant to solve the dating crisis among black women ,but to inspire faith, hope, and a healing during the waiting process. McGee’s delightful and refreshing insights, along with encouragement and biblical revelations will comfort women. This is a motivational book that will provoke women to get energized in their walk with God and hope for love. The quest for love may not be sitting in church on Sunday a few pews down. However, he may just be that brother  that has been fixing your car for years, yet you don’t realize his potential and pass him over. Only God  knows who he is and where he is, but don’t give up on the journey. This book will help you hope, believe, and pray for God’s best in finding a mate!