affairs

I’m Married, but that Shouldn’t be a Problem….Right?

*This is a true story, names have been changed….read more to find out the truth.*The evening was going lovely. Chanelle was waiting in the bookstore, sipping on her Starbucks Caramel Macchiato. Her date had just called her a second ago, to let her know he was parking his car and would meet her in a few seconds. She was burning anticipation and was anxious to finally get this date started.  They had met online a 2 weeks earlier and he asked for her number. They talked on the phone for hours and found out they had a lot of things in common….so he asked her on a date. Chanelle had been single for awhile and was beginning to lose hope that a good man existed.

Most of the good men she knew were either gay, just friends, gigolos, or married. She was never the kind of girl to mess with a man that was married, just wasn’t her style. She would rather be single and focus on her career, than be a woman on the side to a man that even if he did leave his wife, he would do the same thing to her…it would be a neverending pattern.

Before she could finish reflecting on her dating life, her date had finally walked into the bookstore and was heading towards her. She stood up and gave him a hug, and then they both sat down and begin a 2 hour date. Throughout the date they talked about music, movies, career goals, passions, and what they both were looking for in a relationship. She knew that her date was a single father and was raising his daugther without the help of the mother. Her mother always taught Chanelle to never discount a good man because he has a child or two. People have lives before you meet them so you can’t punish them or discount them because of their past lives.

Throughout the entire date Chanelle was smiling and laughing (sort of like the picture to the right =) and her date was enjoying her company as well. He walked her to her car and told her that he enjoyed their evening. She felt the same way and appreciated him being such a gentleman. He told her that he loved spending time with her and had a good feeling about her. Like God had finally sent him the one! Chanelle was flattered but also wasn’t going to put her emotions out there so strong. She had a pattern of falling for men quickly and then getting her heart broken. She told him that she didn’t mind going out again and seeing how things went. She gave him a hug, and then he leaned in for a kiss. There wasn’t any real chemistry, so she was glad she didn’t have to wait to find out if there was a spark. They said there goodbyes and he said he would text her when he got home.

Once Chanelle got home she began to think about the evening, and then began reflecting on the past two weeks. She didn’t understand why he would only ever call her while he was at school and in the evenings after 5pm he would ONLY text her. He said he worked a job at a warehouse from 7pm-7am in the morning and didn’t have the time to call her, only text. She decided maybe she was over thinking things and she wasn’t that into him. The next couple of days he kept texting her saying he loved her so much and wanted to make her his wife oneday. He was really sprung and Chanelle wasn’t feeling that, but wanted to be nice. Finally Thursday morning came and they had arranged to hang out again on Saturday. She recieved a text at 7am in the morning saying “my baby mama is using my phone all day, DONT text me babe!” She sat back and thought about it, why would his baby mama be over so early in the morning and take his phone all day? Chanelle figured they probably were living together or he was still seeing her, so she decided to officially move on.

Chanelle spent most of the evening relaxing and went to bed around midnight. But she didn’t get to sleep for long. All of a sudden at 2:45am her cell began to ring from some unknown number calling. She ignored it, but then the number called again, then a few seconds later, and then she finally answered it but all she heard was breathing. She was fed up and decided to just turn her phone off.  When she woke up at 7am, she recieved another text from the guy who was really sprung. He told her that his baby mama was upset and he couldn’t talk to her for the next few days.

She was furious! Not that she couldn’t talk to him, but the fact he was placing all these rules and regulations on communication and she realized that he lived with his baby mama and she was the one harassing her all night long. She decided to write him a long letter on the dating website they met on and she also sent him a text saying she was through with him and not to bother her anymore. She decided to go about her day as usual and hit the gym. Yet the unknown number started calling her, so she decided to make her number private and call the guy’s cell. Some woman answered the phone and Chanelle hung up. A few minutes later her phone rang while she was on the treadmill and she noticed it was his number. She answered and the woman on the other line told her not to hang up and just listen. Chanelle told her to leave her alone and that she didn’t want him at all, it was none of her business what they had going on. Then the girl said “I’m his wife”. Chanelle was shocked and upset, not at the woman but at the guy. She told her he lied about being single, and that he hit her up on the dating website and had a bunch of girls he was talking too. Chanelle could her the guy in the background yelling and then she hard a loud noise and he got quiet. She cussed the woman out and told her to stop harassing her, the situation is done end of story…..

Now that would be lovely if the story had actually ended like that, but that is not the case. This mysterious character named Chanelle is actually me. This isn’t some fictional story but a true story about a situationed that happened to me 2 months ago. It’s ridiculous how so many men lie about being in a relationship, and even worse being married! But the thing that made me the most upset about this situation is the fact his wife kept harassing me and accusing me of having sex with him. It was only one friggen date! Not my fault her man got sprung and obvisouly had to tip outside his marriage for whatever was missing, which in his case sounded like he just need communication someone who would listen. I cussed her out and told her I was from Baltimore, which is a warning because out here in Colorado they handle things with so much foolishness and drama. Back in the DMV aka DC.MD.VA everything is raw and upfront. There was no need for her to keep calling me, she should have just handled it on the first phone call.

I’m just in a college trying to do something with  my life, so I really didn’t have time for the drama and I was extremely upset. So I had my mom call her and calm the situation down, I wasn’t going to calm down anytime soon. I don’t like being lied on and falsely accused, don’t bring me drama without having the correct information. So my mom talked to the wife and she kept apologizing for yelling at me and accusing me. Apparently they had been married for 2 years and had 4 kids together, he was 23 and she was 25…so yea he must have gotten her pregnant and they just resorted to getting married. He had told me he only had 1 kid and she was a terrible mother, once my mom repeated that to her she heard a loud crash and then the phone went dead(wondered if she hit him) but then my mom calmed me down and I decided to just move on with my life.

But wait a second, story isn’t over yet! The most triflin part of this situation is the fact a couple hours later I recieved a text from the “married man” and I still remember it word for word. He told me “Sorry about my lady calling you. Please forgive me baby.” WTF, WTF, WTF, WTF! I was so upset, like are you serious? This man had the nerve to apologize about his lady calling but not about the fact he was even married. Sidenote: Who say’s my lady? Ewww, this isn’t some 1940s movie where everything is all proper…my lady! Get out of here with that shiggidy! LOL Back to the story… So obvisouly he didn’t get the point that I just didn’t want to be bothered and something had to be done. I live with my parents and they always help me out, usually I take care of situations like this on my own but I wanted to put some fear in him. So…my dad called him and politely told him to never call me again and to go handle his business with his wife. Have a nice life sir, goodbye! It’s ashame that my dad had to tell him to move on, because he just couldn’t man up and realize what he did was wrong. That’s got to be embarrassing!

The thing that caused all the fury, was the fact he had the audacity to text me and apologize for his lady calling and referred to me as “baby”. It’s a sad reality that some men actually have the ideology that women are acceptable with being a woman on the side or a mistress. It’s even more sad that some women willingly subject themselves to situations like this, knowing that the man is married but they know he is going to eventually leave his wife for them…yea right! But if a man is willing to cheat on his wife, leave her and remarry the mistress, what makes you think he isn’t going to repeat the cycle.

The reality of it is you can meet a man online, at school, through a friend, grocery store, and even Church! But you have to be careful and realize that some men are professional liars. Obvisouly he didn’t play the game right, because I figured something was up when he told me I couldn’t text him for a few days. That’s some shiggidy! If you going to lie and be sneaky, get your story together and make it something believable. I don’t think I was the first woman that he did this too, but I’m pretty sure I was the last. It’s sad this his wife had an habitual habit of checking his cell phone, but it’s understandable because obvisouly he has done this before. She didn’t sound extremly pissed with me, but more like this “omg can’t believe this nigga did it again!” There isn’t anything wrong with online dating or meeting guys out and about, just be sure to discern his character and make sure he isn’t married. Piece together all the little things, like the fact he couldn’t call me after 5pm-7am or the fact his “baby mama” was over so early in the morning.

When I look back on this situation, there were clues that he had a woman…but I just didn’t piece things together till a few days later. If a man is married and you know it, walk away! If he would cheat on his wife to be with you, its predictable he would cheat on you to be with another woman. As women we have to respect ourselves and keep hope that there is still good men out there, we just have to be patient and not give up. This situation didn’t stop me from dating, it encouraged to keep trying. I must be doing something right if a married man got that sprung from hanging out with me. LOL it’s a sad commentary, but true! I decided to keep being that woman my parent’s raised me to be, and eventually I did meet a guy that truly cares about me…and want to know the best part? He’s not married! Don’t give up on your journey for love, take situations like this and look back on them as a learning experience and a hilarious story to tell your friends.