This is a rant I began writing, but it ended up being extremely long. So I broke it up into two blog posts. Below are my candid thoughts on dating.
The art of being a pickup artist has become so antiquated. Well, actually, it’s hard to even say that’s its antiquated because in order for something to become outdated it must have held prior popularity and an sensation of being “current.” I don’t know about y’all, but I never thought being a pickup artist or using lines was “hip.”
There is nothing wrong with trying to attract someone or gain his or her attention, but having a methodical approach is just not a good look. It surely isn’t impressive when you know a guy is using lines, and had probably used that line on a ton of other women. Sometimes those tactics do work, but it’s usually on the woman that are, well…easy.
Not to be harsh, but some women girls are just superficial, slutty, and just dumb. They lack the appropriate cognitive functioning that makes them a well rounded individual, so when certain men approach them with lines they are actually flattered instead of cautious and aware of the game being played. And the women that may have a hint of intellect, but are driven by pure sluttyness know when a game is going on, but are looking forward to making love faces.
Men are more than just sexual gods to me, so I don’t partake in the game just for satisfaction. Men have personalities, emotions, characteristics, hearts, souls, and ambition that make them a man. I don’t like to treat them as if they are only good for satisfaction, yet sadly some men only focus on carnal achievements instead of tangible emotional connections. Those men realize I’m not easy, yet they have this glimmer of hope that perhaps I’ll be down for a “good” ride.
We live in such a sexually driven society, so I understand why it’s always a big factor when it comes to relating to one another. Yes, we are human beings and we have needs, but just because society and media put emphasis on sex, it doesn’t mean that every man or woman is just a sex machine waiting to be ravaged.
Perhaps I’m just a sucker for traditional romance, but I feel as though meaningful connections deserve to be made. When I say a meaningful connection, I mean a connection based on all levels: spiritually, physically, and mentally. A healthy relationship functions on all levels of interrelating, and when one area is lacking, the others are bound to eventually suffer in the end. You can’t bake a good cake without those imperative ingredients, so you shouldn’t form a relationship without those key pieces that make it taste divine.
I belief that passionate love and a meaningful connection begin with more than just a pickup line, which is why I can’t stand when men approach me with those lines. I’m not one of those easy chicks that lose their self-respect and feigns for male pleasure. I’m not out here hitting the clubs and the online dating market in search of a man to ravage me, yet delusional men think they actually have a shot.
Recently I actually had a man online send me a message using a line that was original, yet immediately signaled the making of a game ready to begin, all he needed was a referee. The message he sent me had said:
“Hey i would totally ravage you if I were ever given the opportunity to do so.. just saying”
I will give him some props for being original with his line. I mean that was clever, so I’m not going to knock him there. But like seriously, who say that’s in the initial message? It would have been slightly different if I had known him in real life or had messaged back and forth for a while, but this was the first message he had ever sent me.
Throughout all my adventures in online dating I’ve had a lot of hilarious messages, many which were degrading, some genuine conversations, and a collection of messages (like this one) that were out of pocket. I really didn’t know what to do with that one, so I wrote him back and said “Hahaha classic answer. Witty and humorous type of guy, that’s good.” I didn’t really have much to say and I was just kind of going along with it because I just wanted to see how ignorant this guy was.
He messaged me back and said “haha i know right. I should pencil you in for sometime this week ;)” Yeah, he just wanted sex. He even decided to hit me up in an IM and said, “Want to hook up and have sex?” I knew what he wanted from the get-go, but I just had to have a little fun and see if this guy was serious. Like it was a big joke to me, I was actually mocking him the entire time. So I wrote him and told him I wasn’t that type of woman, I prefer to take my time getting to know someone. I told him I only wrote him back because I thought it was hilarious and that he was a joke. End of story, never talked to him again.
The online dating scene does contain a few individuals like myself that are somewhat hopeful of making a legitimate connection, but a majority of the folks on these sites (men and women, even though I could sit here and just blame men) are looking for quick fixes and friends strangers with benefits. You can’t even really call a lot of the connections made friends, because in actuality everyone is just looking for something to satisfy their selfish needs.
True friendships and connections are possible to make online and in real life, but it’s rare. The dating scene in my generation has become so trendy. Everything is just for fun with no strings attached, except for perhaps a kid down the line, child support, and dreams that are crushed. Dating has just become reckless pickup lines that get recycled and cheap thrills that potentially lead to devastating consequences.
I often feel as though the days of meeting someone and forming a genuine connection have died, along with chivalry (that’s dead too, right?) I don’t mind an eternal death, but more like a death that has the potential to come back sort of like a zombie, except instead of craving human flesh, it’s an avant-garde zombie that craves love. That is an absurdly abstract comparison, but somehow it’s makes sense. In simpler terms, genuine connections are dying but that process of death can bring back new connections that are the same person, but a whole new persona.
Making those connections can be frustrating when you have to go through a whirlpool of individuals that are accustomed to other folks that have the same fake and self-seeking pleasure pursuit. When your surrounded by others that have that same mode of operation, it’s unnerving when an individual like myself steps into the picture.
I’ve always been the woman that is “different” from the other women that most men encounter, yet their tactics don’t impress me; that leads to unbearable frustration that makes them treat me like crap and attempt to break me down to their level. It’s such a childish approach to the reality that I’m not easy, yet these men still express their regret with ill temper.