Good morning! I hope that everyone had a fabulous weekend. Do anything major exciting? Well, I didn’t. My weekend consisted of late night gym sessions, listening to house music, and watching Lethal Weapon. A great weekend in my book. Oh, and in the midst of my random chilling, I had over a dozen messages on OkCupid. That’s right, I have an online dating profile.
For starters, meeting men isn’t really that hard to do. I’m always meeting guys in person, when I’m house dancing, and yes online via social networks and dating sites such as OkCupid. I’ve been off and on OkCupid for years, and it’s gotten to the point where I don’t even take it serious. I mean, yes I do make sure I have my best pictures up and my profile is written true to who I am, but when it comes to meeting guys…I never take it so serious.
For instance, I have a date tonight with this guy I’ve been talking to for a week, (random fact: he’s into cosplay,) but I’m not sitting here stressing over whether or not it will be my next relationship; relationships aren’t really for me, I prefer casual dating. Luckily, he’s on the same page, so I shall get coffee, finally see Iron Man 3, and perhaps make yet another male friend; majority of my friends are guys.
On OkCupid, out of all the messages I get bombarded with on a daily basis consisting of the usual “you’re so beautiful” or “wow, you’re so sexy and tall,” it’s rare to actually find someone who catches my interest beyond flattery. Yes, I welcome the compliments (I receive online and in person,) but it takes more than jamming compliments down my throat to actively get to know me.
At least say you love house music…you’ll score some points.
As a 22-year-old fresh out of college and living in the Washington, DC metropolitan, I’ve got lots of options when it comes to men. Age range is quite open, considering I tend to hang out with a lot of folks in their late twenties and mid thirties. But I suppose since OkCupid is essentially free, I have it up there for the illusive grand idea that one day someone could message me and we could maybe actually hit it off…not just hit and quit it like most of the guys seem to want nowadays.
The one thing that strikes me about online dating is the fact that people just don’t seem to really try anymore. But then again, should you have to try at dating and being nice? It should be natural, well at least, for me it’s natural. But seeing some of the ways guys harass me until I write them back (I’m a very selective replier) or start off with nice conversation, then ask me to come over their house for a drink (really, come on…really,) I’ve come to the conclusion that a lot of men on OkCupid don’t know how to approach a beautiful woman.
But I can’t just blame the men, I blame the women too. Somewhere in the chaos of OkCupid and messaging random women online, some of these men must have encountered women that were actually okay with going to a random guy’s house and hooking up for sex right off the back. How do I know? I’ve met females who have done that. Dangerous? Yes. And does it lower the standard? Yes, it absolutely does.
Just the other night I had this fairly nice looking Latino guy (I often tend to date Latin men and other races,) spend 20 minutes discussing house music and the UK. By far it was great conversation, but then he decided to start asking me out for a drink. He said, “There is no way I could let a woman as sexy as you get by this evening without having a drink with me.” Decent attempt, but I wasn’t in the mood. So I let him know I just didn’t feel like going out with him. He then said, “We don’t have to go out, come over my house I’ve got wine. I’d love to have a sexy woman like yourself over right now.” Wow, nice job at being subtle. After going back and forth for a few minutes and me telling him off that I’m not stupid enough to go to some random guy’s house, all he could say was “I’m not random, we’ve chatted 30 minutes…we are friends now lol.” Ignored him, moved on.
Some men who aren’t mature enough to realize that each woman has different standards, take their past experiences/interactions with women who easily put out or are overly sexualized, and distribute this ideology to women like myself. Thus, the messages I get and the lame attempts at persuading me to hook up are simply just something they’ve come way too familiar with, and somewhere down the line one (or maybe a few) women said it was okay. Well for me, it’s NOT.
Now, you may be saying to yourself “if it’s so negative, then why do you stay on the site?” Well, I suppose somewhere down the line it’s become just another social media website instead of something I use for active dating. I mingle with guys, and sometimes I get messages from men who actually are artistic and catch my eye, leading to a date and a decent friendship. So in the same way that these men just don’t take it serious anymore and just want to get a quick fix, I do the same; my fix isn’t sex, it’s finding suitable artsy/intellectual conversation.
Words turn me on like crazy, and if we’re talking about house…then I’m all ears.
Stay tuned for more of my OkCupid rantings and ramblings. Have your own? Feel free to share!