Ricky D. Hall

The Hunger Wars!

I learned a lot from the Hunger games. Mostly that I’m not even remotely beautiful enough to survive ever. Those were some beautiful people. Apparently in the future we’re going to gather all the beautiful people and make them fight to the death! I can’t say I’m against that. It sounds fair. I mean ugly people already have to be ugly, why must you make them fight to the death too? I’m against that. Plus it would be more enjoyable to watch beautiful people fight to the death. You can have discussions about how beautiful that girl looked as she got filleted alive by robot dogs, or the handsome dude who got set aflame because, you know, he went out of bounds. They’ll get a statue I’m sure. Beautiful people always get statues when they die brutally… I think. I haven’t researched it. Sounds about right though.

I’ve only seen the movie. I haven’t read the books, but I thought the movie was pretty awesome. It was hard to wrap my head around watching kids killing each other. Especially when the big kids just sword blasted the little kids. It reminded me of high school. You know except for all the murder. It was so messed up! They should at least break up the murder into a league or two. You know a little kid murder league 6 to 10 and the grown ass kids division 16 to 18. 11 to 15 year old’s get free ice cream. I think that works for all.  They could even have special circumstances like a “Nothing but Nunchaku free for all!” You know, only Nunchaku can be used for your murdering purposes and you have to be shirtless, with kung fu pants like Master Lee, or you have to wear an orange mask like Michelangelo. Those who kill with a loud Kiya or a Cowabunga get free golden crowns. It adds flavor!

I thought Jennifer Lawerence was awesome in the movie. I’m sure I’m not in the minority, but I’m saying it anyway! She was badass, cool, she killed people with arrows. Arrows! Can you kill someone with arrows? Well some of you probably can, but can you look sexy and cool and say cool things whilst killing people with arrows? ….well she had a bow too. She didn’t throw arrows at people that would’ve been weird. I never had any kind of love for arrows or bows, or archery until I watched this movie. Now all of a sudden I want a bad ass leather jacket, some arrows, a bow(of course not a crossbow though don’t insult me!), and sunglasses, you know for added coolness. I want to go into a forest and start hunting deer. Move like a cat, become one with the shadows, become an archer Ninja. Then I’ll be recruited to go bust some heads. That’s the cool way to say it.  I don’t want to run though. You have to run a lot. I don’t want to run. Running is boring. I could skip. Skipping is more fun. So I would skip through the woods killing teenagers with a bow and arrows. I’m a grown adult so I’ll probably be everyone’s favorite. Who doesn’t love an adult killing children? Well I guess no one does but I have a charming smile so it will be okay.

What point am I trying to make? I don’t know. Why should I know? Is that a rule or something? I don’t follow the rules I’m a renegade rebel on the edge! Seriously though I have no point. Everyone’s seen this movie there’s no need to tell you to watch it. Watch it again! There I made a point. You should watch it again. Watch it 2500 times than take up archery, and kill a deer. After that watch the sequel. When it comes out. Leave your arrows at home. I’m bringing mine though.

Monae Music Activate!

Music is such a beautiful thing. Expression in general is quite wonderful; true expression not that weird “want to belong” kind of expression. Not the kind of expression that gets you in with the cool kids. I hate the cool kids! Why do they think they’re so cool? How dare they. Stupid cool kids with their smug sense of superiority and their sunglasses, and lumberjack hats! Why do they wear Lumberjack hats? Am I the only one that knows cool kids that wear lumberjack hats? Could those guys just have been Lumberjacks? I’m not sure now.

Point being, I love true expression. I love when someone finds out what they want to do and expresses that, shares it with the world, and adds their own uniqueness to this teeny tiny massive planet of ours. I say all that just to say I’m a huge Janelle Monae fan! I love her. I love her music, what she sings about how she expresses herself, that thing she does with her foot….I love the thing she does with her foot! How does she do that thing? I want to do that thing. I can’t…I’ve tried. I hurt my pinky toe, which is a big deal to me. If it’s not her multi ranged voice, splendid accompanied instrumentation, or the foot thing I so love, it’s also her style! I enjoy a woman who knows how to sport a good tie. Don’t ask me why, that’s just the way it is. For too long the tie has only been regulated to a certain portion of the population. Then avril lavigne came along and made it popular for ties to be worn in the most unfortunate way ever! (I’m not a hater I just crush a lot…mostly the dreams of children.) Janelle knows ties. She knows ties well. I need tie advice from her. I need tie guidance! I’ve mentioned time and time again that ties are cool, well she’s cool and she wears ties, so thus far my statement is just constantly being reinforced and I’m kind of a genius. I haven’t been wrong yet! Just wait until I write about Bill Nye. You’re brains going to explode neon plasma and the plasma will most likely be tie shaped!

I also like her hair. I have no idea how she got her hair to do that. Is that some kind of woman magic? Am I being sexist? Is it sexist to imply that women have magical powers?……Can women fly? If I could be granted a wish it would be to fly and have my hair changed to hers at a whim. I’d be MonaeHair Man!….Or something. I don’t know exactly what I would do with that power. I’d probably be killed immediately. Again I don’t really think through much things. I like my hair as is but it’s always fun to have options. If you saw someone walking down the street with that hair I’m sure you’d freeze in awe. I base this off nothing. I base this on mostly what I would do. I’d want to touch it. I should probably never meet Janelle Monae. It would suck to get beat up for attempted hair caressing….what am I talking about? I don’t know. I guess I’m trying to emphasize my fandom. I personally discovered her music on the ancient dinosaur known as myspace. I’ve been pretty hooked since. I purchased all her music because, well I wanted to participate, and I felt that I would gain some of her powers somehow…It didn’t work. I sing off key less badly now though and lumberjacks give me the thumbs up, which makes me feel good inside.

So what else can I say? Does this make any sense? How many questions can one man ask? If you write too many questions are they just as annoying as when you do it in person? Will this get me slapped? Are you answering my questions? Is this all pointless? NO! It’s about the ArchAndroid Lady Monae. You should buy her music and listen to it. You should get a tie, a nice white shirt, get a funky hairstyle and start tiptoeing on some tightropes or something. Not actual tightropes! I don’t want you to die. Tiptoe on no ropes. Make sure your shoes are cool, and if you can find a bunch of people who sort of dress the same as you and go in the local Walmart. Just start dancing. Confuse them. No one will get hurt. At worst you’ll get strange stares, at most you will unite the entire world in dance! So do it! For the love of  Monae do it!   FIN…

Doctor Who Season Finale Conclusionary thingy.

So Doctor Who is Brilliant. That goes without saying. I may in fact be in love with that show. I’m not sure yet. I’m a very private guy, even to myself. Some would say that’s strange. I say I might be insane, but it’s that good insane. It’s not the kind of insane that involves police vehicles, or Bomb squads, or Batman. I’m saying I’m not the Joker. I’m definitely not the Joker. If anything I’d be his brother, the Teaser. I don’t think Joker has a brother so I’m just me. I very much enjoy Doctor Who. From the ninth Doctor on mostly. Sadly I’m unfamiliar with it’s vast history, but I find the whole thing fascinating, and it’s fun to slowly put the pieces together from the past as I watch in the present. It kind of fits in with the whole time travel theme. I’m living it in real time baby! It’s like it’s entered my soul son! You don’t want it! Oh yeah! Me all day yo!! Other kinds of hip hop slang!

Probably got too excited about that, but whatever. I never claim to be the number one biggest fan of Doctor Who, but I’m a big fan for sure. I love everything about the show! It can do no wrong in my eyes. It can try to do wrong in my eyes and I’ll say “Oh no you don’t Doctor Who episode! All that wrong you just did in my eyes is so right! So there, take that and thank you!” Maybe it’s a good thing, maybe it’s a bad thing, I don’t know, I don’t care! I just know that I love the Doctor, and his screw driver, and his bigger on the inside than the outside blue box. How can you not love that? How can you not love a cool, confident, goofy man who travels time and space in a blue police box? Why would you deprive yourself of that? Why would you do that to yourself? Don’t do that to yourself ladies and or gentlemen.

Today marked the most recent of Season finales for this epic, beautiful, brilliant, fantastic, lovely, world/life changing show(Is that enough elaborate descriptions? I’m saying it’s good!) and it was a very good one. I loved it so much! It had everything I love, our good Doctor, the lovely wonderful River Song, Amelia and Rory the faithful companions, Time travel(of course), and the Weeping Angels! For those not familiar weeping Angels are the most terrifying things ever! Stone Angel statue monsters who only move when you’re not looking who will suddenly be in your face if you blink for a second….then they’ll send you back in time to eat all your future potential energy. That’s terrifying! Especially if your black like myself and end up being sent back to the 1800′s. That would be unfortunate, so weeping angels scare the ever loving hell out of me! I’m really hoping they’re not real, or that the Doctor saves me and we can hang out for awhile!!!…..but not go to the 1800′s. I really don’t want to go to the 1800′s.

The episode was great to me. The best of the season next to “Asylum of the Daleks” It had everything. It had adventure, a grand scale plot, lovely dialogue, great interactions, a scary tone, and a super sad ending. It’s not how I would have ever imagined the Pond couples end, but it felt right. It felt bittersweet. So beautiful yet so sad at the same time. It hit your heart like a ninja chop. You followed these characters through so much. They’re the most fleshed out companions I have ever had the honor of watching so to see the way it came to end, I mean it made sense, but it was still sad. You felt for the Doctor, but it was still alright. We know he’ll be okay to take us on more adventures. It’ll be fun to see where he goes, and what he does now, but that will have to wait for awhile, which I can do. I may lose my mind and engage in battle with a man in a Bat suit, but I can certainly wait!

My Kung Fu!

I’ve always had this dream. A day dream mostly of me confidently walking into a well established, well respected, well feared dojo. I would walk in with the coolest kung fu outfit you have ever seen and happen upon a massive room filled with grown students training in the arts of kill. They would chop viciously and kiya with the fury of a thousand Hyenas. Their resolve would be unflinching and their determination would be intimidating. They would be the best of the best. The creme dela creme. The cat’s meow if you wish! I would nonchalantly walk among these men with an unimpressed disposition and stand in the middle of them all. They would stare rudely and I would simply smirk. With a point I would tell them that their style was no good and mine was the best, which would of course offend them. The first man would attack not knowing how brilliant my tiger claw was and he would find himself with a face full of hand skills. He’d cry like a girl and fall to the ground. Then the men would all take offense and attack me at once. They would be baffled at how effortless I’d avoid every last one of them delivering kicks and punches at my convenience. Before they knew it they would all be on the floor significantly injured. Their sensei would lay beside them just as baffled. I’d point and laugh, kick their sign, pee on it, and leave, and I would do it all for no reason at all.

That’s how the dream works anyway. Not the most compelling plot I admit, but that’s one of those instant gratification kind of dreams. I’ve always wanted to be the Ip Man type. If you haven’t watched Ip Man please do! You won’t regret it. Believe me! Even though he did fight for reasons that were admirable, and my reasons seem to be that I’m just a jerk that feels like humiliating people with my unmatched talents. That’s the mystique of Kung Fu. It’s always been showcased as damn near magical. Those movies forget to tell you that you need a little bit of that dedication and hard work. I mean you can wear the outfit, and you might fool some people into thinking you know what you’re doing, but eventually someones going to hit you in the face really hard and you’re going to get blood on your nifty outfit. You don’t want to get blood on your nifty outfit.

The idea of of a Kung Fu hero has always been compelling to me. Since the days of Bruce Lee: Enter the Dragon. I didn’t realize you could be that cool without a shirt. That movie had a lot of male toplessness and a ridiculous amount of neck stomping! Bruce Lee really hated necks. Not that I’m a huge fan of necks, especially when they kind of crank wrong and now it always hurts when you turn left. I hate that! I don’t, however, hate it so much that I want to stomp on them all the time. So admittedly I don’t know the degree that Bruce Lee hated necks. I’m just saying I have an idea. That has nothing to do with my original point, but yes he was awesome in that movie and I wanted to do that. I just need guys in suits to come and goad me into fighting on a island for no good discernible reason. It doesn’t have to be a good reason. I just need to have nunchuks and legions of dudes to fight.

So in conclusion, Kung Fu can be your friend. Learn some. Perhaps perfect the lunging technique, or the Cosmic palm style, or maybe even the Buddha sits on a stool contemplating style! They’re all good styles and they’re good for you.

Starship Frolicking

Doesn’t the word “Starship” sound cool? It just sounds cool doesn’t it? What do you think of when you hear the word? I think Star Trek stuff, because, well Star Trek is the Shiznite as you must know. I’ve written about wanting a starship before, but that’s because I really do. I really want a Starship. Those thing are so cool! Why haven’t we invented one yet? We just have space shuttles. Space shuttles are okay except for the lack of that good oxygen, some gravity, room to break dance, horrid weapons of planetary destruction, and faster than light speeds. I need those things in my life

Could you imagine having your own ship? I can. It would be sleek and beautiful. A pristine construct of architectural perfection. It would have a metallic purplish hue and the shields would make it glow brilliantly. It would be like a bright diamond among those sparkly little star thingies. Of course it would be armed to the teeth and I would be rocking that good leather as is the custom for the rugged handsome Star ship Captain. I’d be a Captain. Don’t ask how I got the rank I would just be the Legendary Captain Ricky Hall. Also don’t ask how I became legendary it just kind of happened. Just take my word for it I’m a trustful person. My second in command would be some weird sage alien lady. Let’s say some sort of neon green girl with hot pink long tentacles. Commander Glieanxuact Gomethatg. Don’t bother pronouncing it. I just typed random letters….In fact try to pronounce it. Whatever you pronounce that’s the name. I’m completely fine with that!

The greatness about Star Ships is what they represent. Exploration, advancement, and hope. These are good things. They are ridiculously powerful and are what allow us to see things we thought we’d never see. Like Klingons! Bumpy headed dudes with horrible teeth who like to hurl sharp objects at you, sing weird songs, curse you out in a language that isn’t real, and all for some reason rock hair styles mostly found in an eighties biker gang. Who wouldn’t want that? Who wouldn’t want to be caught in an intergalactic war with a hostile reptile alien race who are being lead by immortal liquid creatures who hate you because you have organs? Who doesn’t want that? As long as you have the good Star ship you’ll be fine. That’s how it works! You’ll just ride through that war like a roller coaster ride. Yes you might lose your best friend, or in my case my neon green wise alien sage commander with the cool pink tentacle hair, but you won’t die. You’re the Captain so you get to be sad for awhile, say something inspiring, and save the day with your bad ass Star Ship! Then there’s celebrations, gifts, a hug or two, perhaps a high five, and one of them fancy bravery medals. Of course after that you have to fight another war. Probably Robots. Everybody has to fight robots eventually. Those guys hate everything.

So yea, conclusion, Star ships are awesome. Get one if you can, pick me up and let’s get this adventure thing started!

Hercules!….The Legendary Journey’s

Have you forgotten about Hercules? The legendary bad ass Mamma Jamma who kind of just aimlessly walked around places while kicking ass, taking names, and helping others? Remember him please. He was great. Any regular sized man who uppercuts a giant into unconsciousness has to be great! I wish I could do that. So do you. In a way we all want to be Hercules, and I base that off of absolutely nothing. Still I will stick by it, because…well why not?

Recently  ”The Hub“ television channel has began to reair the old Hercules shows of the 1990′s. It was a simpler time. Tupac was fresh out of jail California dreamin and watching hoochies screamin, cell phones were bigger than your hand and let’s face it kind of silly, and fashion, well fashion was going through an unfortunate phase. At least for me. I was an awkward boy. This was the time Hercules graced the screen, gave the world a weird sexy glance, and made kids want to beat up hordes of people with sword sticks. So it was a pretty good time. I don’t know if I’m the only one but I’ve been watching every single episode since it’s been on air again, and I’ve been literally watching it like a giddy school girl! Nostalgia is a powerful thing. I still laugh at the corny jokes, enjoy the atrociously slow fight scenes, and do the Mortal Kombat Scorpion victory pose after every episode. I’m still hooked! I forgot how much I still enjoy a simple good guy vs. bad guy story. I thought I was spoiled by all that sci fi, nuanced, shades of grey stuff, but I’m not! And that’s awesome.

I was a kid when this show first came on the air. I was literally hooked as soon as I saw a giant being punched in the face. I never saw a giant get punched in the face so this was a bonus for me. I enjoyed the little bits of morality played throughout episodes. They didn’t make the Hercules character a kick ass, murder brutally, take names perhaps later type of character. He was actually thoughtful and even cared about his enemies, always trying to find an alternative to fighting. Think about if you had power close enough to a god. I’m pretty sure most of us would just kick annoying peoples heads off for fun. Not Hercules. He was a man among men, a “with great power comes great responsibility” dude. He was the best!

I thought Kevin Sorbo was perfect for the role. Granted, I don’t think he fit the mold of what a Hercules type would actually look like, but he fit perfectly for the type of Hercules made for the show. He was a big guy with sizable muscles that seemed like the nicest guy in the world. You like Herc. You wanted to be his friend and go on adventures with him, because he’s Hercules! You know you’d be fine. If a legion of men came after you he would just throw a tree at them! Only Mutants and Superheroes could say the same thing, and their hair is certainly not as nice so screw them!

Hercules graced the television screen in the era of horrific computer graphics. So yea he does fight a lot of weird cartoony, clunky, goofy looking creatures, but that’s okay! I’m a fan of good graphics but it’s never been the be all of television viewing for me. I just like a good or fun story! My mind can manage the rest, and Hercules is fun! It’s good, nice, clean fun. So grab up your little ones, find soft places to sit, pop some of that corn I know you love, perhaps pour a carbonated beverage or two, and watch this super duper fantastic legendary show!!

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• Kevin Sorbo and Hercules dominate The Hub beginning Monday, Sept. 3 (sorbowriter.wordpress.com)

High Kick Girl!!

If you know me, which you most likely don’t I’m not that popular, then you know that I am an absolute martial arts fanatic. Every since I was a young tyke, or whatever little humans are called, I’ve been obsessed with it, emulating asian men, watching them save their lady friend with the unmatched ability to snap kick someone in the face. I’m a fan always have been, always will be. I’ve watched some of the best films martial arts cinema has had to offer and then I’ve seen the other ones. You know the ones that weren’t so great.

One of those films is called High Kick Girl. Firstly, yes I know the name is great. A movie with a simple uncreative name like High Kick Girl is either going to be really good or really not good. Unfortunately, High kick girl is really not good.I had this thing I did for awhile that if I had some income to throw away I would blindly buy a martial arts flick hoping that I would love it  . I kung fu movie gambled with the risk of being sad for a night. It’s not the worst gamble to have actually. Usually the gamble pays off and I’ll find a movie like Kuro Obi, which is one of my favorite movies ever! Kuro Obi(Black Belt) is a movie drenched with the goo of absolute fantasticness! So I got High kick Girl hoping I’d hit the same plateau of grandness. Funnily enough most of the characters from Kuro Obi are on High Kick Girl; directed by one of the actors from Kuro Obi too, but you couldn’t get a more different quality from the two. It’s a little disorienting. It’s like finding out Bruce Lee loved crack and soccer kicked puppies. Try getting that image out of your head…Exactly!

High kick Girl herself is actually pretty awesome, at least to me. She’s a real life bad ass karate girl with okay acting chops and a hint of charisma, which is all you really need for a martial arts flick as long as the director keeps it interesting. You can honestly have the most ridiculous plot with the most ridiculous characters and make it work. I don’t care I just want to be entertained! In the end that’s what it’s really all about. The plot of this movie is about a girl who is a brown belt karate bad ass phenom who is trained by the best karate instructor around period. Let’s not delve deeper into that! This bad ass brown belt karate phenom travels around Japan(Not the whole country. I just don’t know japan that well) with her goofy male companion challenging Karate black belts from other schools and taking their belts.

So confident is she in her ability that she decides to join some elite martial arts gang whom just so happens to have a very large grudge against High Kick girl’s master. So they kidnap her with some of the worst choreographed fighting ever and hold her hostage at what looks like a high school gymnasium. So her Karate master(Super bad ass in real life) goes to the gym and engages in combat in some of the worst fight scenes I’ve ever seen. I don’t know exactly what makes a good fight scene, I just know that you shouldn’t be confused after it! A running theme of this movie was to constantly repeat a fight scene right after a fight scene, but in slow motion! No matter how simplistic and uninteresting the actual fight scene was, they were going to show that fight scene again. They were going to show the hell out of that fight scene! I think this probably made the move two hours longer than it should’ve been. In the end they win, they’re in a dojo, and the master tells her to cut her nonsense out, she walks away smiling, the end.

I probably didn’t explain that movie well, but the jist of it is that it’s not good, and that sucks because I wanted to love it. There are scenes I like. Some fight scenes aren’t that bad, and some of the characters could’ve actually been really cool. Any movie that has a Gi is already a step ahead in the game of life if you ask me, but you didn’t, and I could be absolutely wrong, and there’s a good chance I’m in the minority. I don’t know how the High Kick Girl fandom works. So watch it and judge for yourself.

Also I still watch the movie on occasion to make sure I don’t like it. I still don’t like it after the fourth viewing, but I dislike it less than the other three times! If anything she’ll make you want to kick stuff. That’s a good enough reason to watch anything.