I could sit here and write some overly-dramatic rant that nobody really cares about, yet I’d prefer to keep things short (yeah right, who am I kidding,) sweet, and oh so to the point. Trust me, there is a point here…one that is very RAW.
It’s 2014 and more than ever this year, I’m on my Wonder Woman mode. This 6ft Amazonian is putting things in gear to live the life she wants.
This year, I’m truly keeping calm and loving me, myself, and I. With graduate school (MA in Design) on my horizon, a new body (workout routine 5-7 days a week is paying off,) and a raw new look on relationships, I’m just totally in the mode of doing me. If it’s not about myself, my career, my dreams, my looks, or my satisfaction, then I don’t want to waste precious breath on it.
You see, in 2013 I tried really hard to put others before, specifically men that I thought I was into, but then after careful consideration realized they just weren’t for me. Whether they lacked an ambitious career drive or lacking in the physical department (looks, fitness, etc,) I just decided that in 2014 I won’t settle for lames.
Does it sound selfish? Good, it should. On a social-society level, I’m not selfish in that aspect. I go above and beyond to help people, even providing my design and writing services for free, as well as giving money when I can. Yeah, I’m not a cold-hearted bitch that hates society, but when it comes to guys I shouldn’t have even bothered with, I have to be very selective.
You see when it comes to dating, I have to be selfish. Dating takes time, and time shouldn’t be spent with people who just don’t tickle your fancy and light your fire. Because at the end of the day, I’m tired of spending time on frivolous connections with guys I would never sleep with (I must be sexually attracted to you…all of you) marry, or even claim on a public level as my significant other (yeah, it’s like that sometimes.)
Even though I’m always being entertained by men and meeting decent to “insanely hot” guys out and about in the city, I just don’t care anymore about trying to make a connection. Why? It’s not going to be genuine, because at the end of the day I’ll be thinking about my success, how I want to do exceptional in graduate school, and where I plan on moving to next. I’m not going to stay in Baltimore all my life (here just for school)….yeah, that’s so not the script for me.
As much as I may flirt, give little compliments, or even grace someone with my time (which could be used working out, working on designs, or networking,) I’d rather just keep every guy in the “friend zone.” Yet, mistakes are made, signals are sent, and then I wake up the next day and realize “Eww, I’m so not into you like that.” And once that happens, I must go into my Taurus “the bull” mode and set things straight. Once I’m done with you in a certain manner, I’m done.
This urban nomad has travelled all over the country, lived in different spots, and is eager to go abroad. I’m not just some girl from Baltimore (or wherever) with a narrow mindset and approach to life. Diversity is my badge, and I don’t care if you think I’m a hipster or not. I’d rather be a hipster then a hoodrat.
So why get caught up with someone who just isn’t really my type? I’m working towards being the full package (I don’t have far to go,) and I want a man that is a full package. But, right now, I don’t want or need a man. Seriously, I’m good by myself and focusing on being the best I can be.
But for real, I am done with men who just aren’t the full package. At the age of 22 I’ve accomplished a lot, I’ve got quite a good repertoire of skills and accolades within my career, and I’m becoming a better person each day. A lot of these older men I meet that are 28-30 are sad. They really don’t have their lives together and should be so much farther, but they focus on dumb stuff. I don’t need to get dragged down by them.
Yet, some men just don’t get that. Or they passive aggressively act is if they do, but they really just don’t get it. And instead of going in circles trying to make amends with someone, I’d rather cut it off for good. And since 2014 is here, I’ve had a lot of cutting off to do in the dating game.
As of now, I’m no longer talking to several guys (including my ex who I considered rekindling with.) Too much of my spare time has been spent “getting to know” guys that just aren’t what I want or need. So instead of dragging these relationships on, it’s better to be honest with myself and them, and say goodbye.
Soooooooo much of my time has been wasted on guys I just really didn’t want. Yes, they really wanted me. But at some point I wake up and realize I DON’T WANT YOU! And I take full responsibility for starting things off so hopeful. I get caught up, it happens, and then I change my mind. So instead of adding more causalities to the list of men whose hearts/hopes I have crushed with a sledgehammer (some guys have really been hurt,) I’d rather be focused on me and avoid hurting any more men.
Being a heartbreaker/maneater isn’t fun. But I get overwhelmed with the attention I get and I don’t always make the right decisions. So we can avoid that for now by focusing on what really matters: myself.
And ya know what? I don’t care if it sounds cruel or selfish, life is too short to spend it on building something with people you just aren’t into. Yet, you can’t expect them to truly understand, even if they say “Sure, I understand.” Normally they don’t, and in the past I’ve had stalkers, crazy exes, and obsessive behavior. It’s creepy, annoying, and just desperate. Ew, move on, just not into you. Get it? Simple, it’s not rocket science.
I’m in a really good spot in life right now. Grad school is happening, I’m going to be spending more time in NYC, I’m losing weight on a steady basis and loving my body, my style & looks are getting me compliments, and I’m crazy ambitious right now to become the best Web Content Manager and Designer.
Things are good, so I’m not going to clutter my time with guys who just don’t fit the script in my life on a personality, physical, and spiritual level, I’m just not into a lot of these “men.”
I just don’t want you. All I want is me…and I shouldn’t be penalized for that or told that I’m being “too selfish” or “bossy.” Dude, it’s my life. Get over it, move on, do you, and make yourself better…seriously, work on you.
END OF STORY. THIS WILL BE MY FIRST/ LAST DATING/RELATIONSHIP POST OF 2014.