Music is such a beautiful thing. Expression in general is quite wonderful; true expression not that weird “want to belong” kind of expression. Not the kind of expression that gets you in with the cool kids. I hate the cool kids! Why do they think they’re so cool? How dare they. Stupid cool kids with their smug sense of superiority and their sunglasses, and lumberjack hats! Why do they wear Lumberjack hats? Am I the only one that knows cool kids that wear lumberjack hats? Could those guys just have been Lumberjacks? I’m not sure now.
Point being, I love true expression. I love when someone finds out what they want to do and expresses that, shares it with the world, and adds their own uniqueness to this teeny tiny massive planet of ours. I say all that just to say I’m a huge Janelle Monae fan! I love her. I love her music, what she sings about how she expresses herself, that thing she does with her foot….I love the thing she does with her foot! How does she do that thing? I want to do that thing. I can’t…I’ve tried. I hurt my pinky toe, which is a big deal to me. If it’s not her multi ranged voice, splendid accompanied instrumentation, or the foot thing I so love, it’s also her style! I enjoy a woman who knows how to sport a good tie. Don’t ask me why, that’s just the way it is. For too long the tie has only been regulated to a certain portion of the population. Then avril lavigne came along and made it popular for ties to be worn in the most unfortunate way ever! (I’m not a hater I just crush a lot…mostly the dreams of children.) Janelle knows ties. She knows ties well. I need tie advice from her. I need tie guidance! I’ve mentioned time and time again that ties are cool, well she’s cool and she wears ties, so thus far my statement is just constantly being reinforced and I’m kind of a genius. I haven’t been wrong yet! Just wait until I write about Bill Nye. You’re brains going to explode neon plasma and the plasma will most likely be tie shaped!
I also like her hair. I have no idea how she got her hair to do that. Is that some kind of woman magic? Am I being sexist? Is it sexist to imply that women have magical powers?……Can women fly? If I could be granted a wish it would be to fly and have my hair changed to hers at a whim. I’d be MonaeHair Man!….Or something. I don’t know exactly what I would do with that power. I’d probably be killed immediately. Again I don’t really think through much things. I like my hair as is but it’s always fun to have options. If you saw someone walking down the street with that hair I’m sure you’d freeze in awe. I base this off nothing. I base this on mostly what I would do. I’d want to touch it. I should probably never meet Janelle Monae. It would suck to get beat up for attempted hair caressing….what am I talking about? I don’t know. I guess I’m trying to emphasize my fandom. I personally discovered her music on the ancient dinosaur known as myspace. I’ve been pretty hooked since. I purchased all her music because, well I wanted to participate, and I felt that I would gain some of her powers somehow…It didn’t work. I sing off key less badly now though and lumberjacks give me the thumbs up, which makes me feel good inside.
So what else can I say? Does this make any sense? How many questions can one man ask? If you write too many questions are they just as annoying as when you do it in person? Will this get me slapped? Are you answering my questions? Is this all pointless? NO! It’s about the ArchAndroid Lady Monae. You should buy her music and listen to it. You should get a tie, a nice white shirt, get a funky hairstyle and start tiptoeing on some tightropes or something. Not actual tightropes! I don’t want you to die. Tiptoe on no ropes. Make sure your shoes are cool, and if you can find a bunch of people who sort of dress the same as you and go in the local Walmart. Just start dancing. Confuse them. No one will get hurt. At worst you’ll get strange stares, at most you will unite the entire world in dance! So do it! For the love of Monae do it! FIN…