The other day someone asked me if I was afraid of romantic commitment and I paused. The idea of fear being produced by thoughts of commitment is something that sounds foreign to me. I’ve never been shy of relationships and commitment, it’s quite the opposite. Usually something happens in the midst of the relationship and we break up.
I will admit sometimes I do find myself escaping a relationship when I feel it’s not going anywhere, but that doesn’t mean I’m afraid of commitment. The topic of escaping the harsh realities of romance is something I’ve always found intriguing. Is it possible to mentally block out the frustration and have a fairy tale depiction of romance? Is there a such thing as a “great” relationship? I don’t think it’s possible to ever completly forget the ups and downs of a relationship. Escaping romance is a difficult task, especially when the memories are so alive in your heart and mind.
I may not miss any of my exes, but sometimes it’s hard to block out the good and bad of my previous relationships. The worst feeling in the world is when a relationship ends and you still have this lingering desire to be with that person. I’ve only ever felt that way slightly about one ex. When things fell apart and our relationship ended, I couldn’t help but create a fairytale picture in my head. I wanted to escape the pain that romance brought forth. I replaced the rejection and lack of communication with beautiful images of the times we spent together. Yet romantic escapism is only a temporary fix.
A person can be your sun and your moon. A person can complete every aspect of your life and you love them with all your heart, but when it’s over, it’s over. Things may come to an end, but you’ll often have this thought that you will never get over them. The opposite of escaping the harsh reality and the break up, is falling into a pattern of “romantic escapism.” The term actually comes from a period in the arts movement when the romantic artists, writers, and musicians would depict romance in very dramatic, erotic, and dream like matter.
A video that embodies that concept is a song by Above & Beyond called “Sun and Moon.” The song and video tell the story of a man who is reminiscing about the love of his life. The couple broke up and feels as though he can never get over her. The man (who looks like Barack Obama a little) begins dancing in a bar and getting lost within the music. In every dance move he finds this unrelenting freedom to express his emotions and come to terms with his previous romance. The video has these elements of romance and escapism, which make for a great song. I’m not a huge fan of trance type songs, but this song is one that caught my attention.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about romance and relationships. I’m not afraid of commitment but I also am guilty of romantic escapism, in the sense that I sometimes escape romance and I also paint a glorious picture of what a relationship should be. Sometimes it’s nice to sit back and daydream about a great relationship in which you connect with someone spiritually, emotionally, and physically. A relationship where that person just totally “gets you,” but that isn’t always the case. Nobody could ever really complete every single part of you, but that isn’t such a bad thing.